Anyone wanting to improve their life while being suicidal?

[NocturnalDistortion]

I feel like a hypocrite. I constantly think about hanging myself, but I keep being obsessed about the idea of goals and habits. Unfortunately, I am the laziest person I know so I can't be consistent with anything to save my life or work towards anything. I don't even think I have achieved a single goal. My biggest downfall is my laziness and incompetence, yet I keep deluding myself with ideas of ''how to become this'' ''how to achieve that'' and planning everything I realistically won't even do.

No wonder I feel so hopeless because for anything to become better it needs active effort. I think once the delusions wear off, I will be ready to take the final step and know that, because of my perpetual inactivity that is incredibly typical of me, no hopes or dreams were lost. There were never hopes or dreams that were going to happen if I continued to live.

 

[deny_conformity]

I'm going to the gym every day, eating healthy, and trying to practice good sleep hygiene. I guess my attempts at treating my depression are also going to improve my life .

 

[trying ungracefully]

My therapist told me that I may always feel suicidal. For me sometimes it is just random suicidal thoughts but other times it's my escape, if I can do nothing else at least that is there to get rid of the pain of life.

You may be lazy but that is just a trait it isn't who you are, it can change from behaviors. And I can't tell you how because im still doing it myself but it takes a while. I've still noticed small changes though where I stick to my dentist appointments and I'm doing my exposures as much as I can and going to therapy/group consistently for the help and also for a schedule. Idk if you can do therapy though.

Life is hard and constantly takes effort but a good portion of the population are in the same boat. You need to find things that work for you and it takes time but if you really want to live it is worth it in the end. Either you keep trying now or 5 years in the future you are feeling bad because you didn't try.

Any effort is effort and you are doing good with what you do because even though other people may have an easier time it's a lot for you and that should be a personal accomplishment. I have trouble leaving the house, it's an accomplishment to go on the bus for more than 5 minutes. I feel like shit because other people can do it easily but for me I need to work for it so every little effort is worth it.

 

[RyleIsRiledUp]

Hey, honeyy
I get it, what your going thru is exactly my case too Like you wanna do better but you just cant even get outta your bed.

But listen, it's not "laziness". It's just emotional exhaustion. You brain is like "Brotha, I'm processing like a gazillion shyt rn. can we not do this xyz thing?"
brain is weird like that. So, now after a long while of me rotting in my bed... I've decided to start slowly.

Listen now, sweetie. You dont have to run right now. You're tired, and it's totally okay. You're only human. What do we do then? We go back to crawling for now. It's a start, you're laying irght now, tired and with really ugly thoughts swirling in your head. So, start with mini things. You dun hv to rush perfection. That's just gonna hurt you and tire you out. Let's start slow. Maybe leave your bed for 5 minutes and walk around the room. just do that. stretch your body a lil. If the day is really bad, just wiggle those toes and stretch out. Take those deep breaths to remind yourself that you're here. Keep small goals. "I will do at least 1 hour worth of my work/study/an activity" jsut an hour. And lets say you couldn't complete it, try again. Try again cuz giving up just doesnt help.

I trust you and I believe you can do this. I, with my whole heart, believe in you. I dunno what you're going thru exactly but i can guess it's shitty. so hey take it easy, man. Breathe.

Take care, love<3

 

[Lemonite]

It is like rollercoaster ride. I try to make it better, and do it actively, than i say fuck it and drop everything. It is hard.

 

[Tombadil]

in the last time, i seem to function a lot better. As i now know how to exit and have accepted that i will when i can, it seems to have made an end to a lot of insecurities.
I dont have to think about impossible things like working dead end jobs for retirements savings, i can concentrate on possible things i think.

 

[Panola]

i want, but,...

 

[violetforever]

yeah i'm going to school and probably looking for a job too as soon as i get my own car. i'm just seeing what happens doing this instead of doing nothing like for the past few years. if you're able to, give yourself time like i did. it took a lot for me to work up to the realization of deciding to try.

 

[Laurentj]

certainly, though many people have said and recommended to me to do things without thinking. of course for the past 9 months ive tried that but havent seen any particular improvements cause i too am lazy and incompetent and lack discipline objectively but you could certainly try yourself

 

[Alpacachino]

I work as hard as I can and try to do as much as I can.I work hard at my job, relationships and health/fitness.

I feel that I shouldn't languish or let myself go. I'll try to do my best till the end comes.