Venting Anyone want to enjoy time until CBT date?

[Aliali1992]

So i planned a CBT in July. SN is on the way and i don't want to do it impulsively i want everything to be prepeared calmly for my first and only try. But my depression has got really worse since i have put a plan...like every minute i am saying "you're gonna die soon" "this is the end" "this is it" and i'm remembering what got me to this point and imaging all the time when i will drink the SN. I really wanna enjoy those last months without obessessing about the the idea of the dead line...or at least being numb until the date comes...any idea how to do this?

 

[Deleted member 14386]

My dates august, but I get what you're saying, I'm not even sure I can last that long. I'm not enjoying my last months as planned just enduring them, thinking about everyone I grew up with and trying to pin down the thing that messed my life up. I honestly don't know how to deal with it but I feel similar.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Do you have a bucket list of what you want to do/enjoy for your last few months?

People have things like skydiving, but even something like eating a food that you normally wouldn't eat because it's unhealthy can be on there. Or if you're an iphone user, subscribe to Apple Music with their 3-month free trial and listen to your hearts content.

 

[Aliali1992]

I

My dates august, but I get what you're saying, I'm not even sure I can last that long. I'm not enjoying my last months as planned just enduring them, thinking about everyone I grew up with and trying to pin down the thing that messed my life up. I honestly don't know how to deal with it but I feel similar.

I guess if we could enjoy 4-5 months we could enjoy the life altogether and wouldn't have to CBT. shame though. I hope i will feel better when i have the SN and the ability to do it.

Do you have a bucket list of what you want to do/enjoy for your last few months?

People have things like skydiving, but even something like eating a food that you normally wouldn't eat because it's unhealthy can be on there. Or if you're an iphone user, subscribe to Apple Music with their 3-month free trial and listen to your hearts content.

Great ideas! Especially the free trial tip. Thanks

 

[TAW122]

I have no exact date, circumstance and timing dependent (mostly circumstance). As of now, I'm just finishing up my goals and then biding my time until my eventual CTB. Last year I had two good opportunities to CTB but since things went well, I lived on both occasions and hence I'm around in 2020. However, as of the last few months, the realization of the suckiness of life in the long term (as well as some major events that changed my life for the worse, I plan to CTB in 2020). So yes, I am "sorta" enjoying my time but more oftenly just hiding my real intentions until I'm ready to CTB.

 

[Aliali1992]

I have no exact date, circumstance and timing dependent (mostly circumstance). As of now, I'm just finishing up my goals and then biding my time until my eventual CTB. Last year I had two good opportunities to CTB but since things went well, I lived on both occasions and hence I'm around in 2020. However, as of the last few months, the realization of the suckiness of life in the long term (as well as some major events that changed my life for the worse, I plan to CTB in 2020). So yes, I am "sorta" enjoying my time but more oftenly just hiding my real intentions until I'm ready to CTB.

So you think not putting an exact date and leaving things fluid but still getting everything ready is better?