Discussion Anyone want to become a high functioning depressed person?

[asmah]

Hi,
I think since I can't ctb right now, I am thinking of killinng my inner-self instead. Letting go of all my wishes and values and just write down my goals and work towards them an accomplish them.
Kind of reminds me of a depressed parent working an awful job to feed their family.
I would love to know if there are people out there who think similarly to me

 

[Simba]

Why kill your inner self tho ? You'll just be empty when achieving your goals no ?

 

[Achlys]

I've been both low and high-functioning, and I typically cycle between the two on a long-term basis.

Although it is definitely possible to ignore one's emotions and steel oneself to concentrate only on accomplishing goals, doing so only makes the fall back down more painful.

If you are set on functioning to a decent standard, I would recommend finding a healthier way to go about it. Perhaps start small and build upwards from there?

 

[OctoberDusk]

I guess I've been a high-functioning depressed person for decades now. I did well in school, in careers, and tend to become quite competent at what I seek to do. I don't think I could have managed any of this by killing my inner-self, however. Rather I've needed it, quite desperately at times, to keep my head above water. So I use creative outlets, even if only something for me, or find things to focus on that may not mean anything to anyone.

So even with the jobs I've disliked or tasks I hated doing I sought some way to deal with them, often by finding some amusement in the absurdity of them, or writing out thoughts (or sounding them out on a piano, guitar, or sax). If not for that I doubt I'd have made it past high school.

 

[Lost Magic]

I think it is better to be high functioning and depressed than not functioning while while long term depressed. I get what you are saying.

 

[chocolatebar]

Hi,
I think since I can't ctb right now, I am thinking of killinng my inner-self instead. Letting go of all my wishes and values and just write down my goals and work towards them an accomplish them.
Kind of reminds me of a depressed parent working an awful job to feed their family.
I would love to know if there are people out there who think similarly to me

Now I know what I've become. This description suits me well...

 

[Cathy Ames]

Anyone want to become a high functioning depressed person?

Sure. That would be a big improvement over what I am now.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

That parent analogy is a vast amount of the older generations. Do what needs to be done for others and ignore your wants/needs. Find happiness in whatever little things you can. Eventually you'll die. Welcome to adulthood.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

That parent analogy is a vast amount of the older generations. Do what needs to be done for others and ignore your wants/needs. Find happiness in whatever little things you can. Eventually you'll die. Welcome to adulthood.

Indeed.

 

[motel rooms]

I think since I can't ctb right now, I am thinking of killinng my inner-self instead. Letting go of all my wishes and values and just write down my goals and work towards them an accomplish them.

I think most of us would agree that killing your "soul" & becoming an empty husk of a person is never a good idea.

That parent analogy is a vast amount of the older generations. Do what needs to be done for others and ignore your wants/needs. Find happiness in whatever little things you can. Eventually you'll die. Welcome to adulthood.

Finding happiness in loving one's family isn't a little thing...

 

[everydayiloveyou]

It's possible to do this without killing your inner self, actually I think it's more common for people to have that kind of depression vs. disabling depression.

It's crazy how people can do this without the help of meds though. I couldn't fathom living like that til I started on meds. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to stop the thoughts besides some kind of outside factor or help. Nowadays I feel I can more easily get up and do what I need to, instead of being paralyzed by my own fear and sadness into doing nothing -- and then somehow convincing myself that I was better off avoiding life than living it.

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Finding happiness in loving one's family isn't a little thing...

Agreed 100%. Having a family and raising kids is one of the biggest reasons to live and love this world/life. Unfortunately a lot of posts complain about this and say having kids is selfish, cruel, etc... :/

 

[imtrying]

I think a lot of people have already said similar things but I would just like to say that as a high-functioning depressed person I can confirm it still sucks. I still feel so much pain it's just trapped in my head which I can assure you is not necessarily better.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

I'd say that I am a highly functioning severely depressed person. Depressed and dissociative since early childhood, yet I learned that I could get some of the attention that I so desperately needed by being an overachiever in school. That led to overachieving in college -- graduated college as valedictorian in 2.5 yrs -- and then working to always be exceptional in my career. During that entire time, I did my best to shut off my emotions and when I couldn't I often simply dissociated. However, the older I've gotten, the harder it is to escape the emotions and when they finally hit, they hit really hard. In some ways, it feels like the extreme swings of BPD, except rather than swinging from high to low, I swing from feeling nothing to feeling absolute hatred for myself and this life.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I know it's possible for some people but for me that just feels like a logistically impossible contradiction.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Wow... I've thought about this for a longggg time. For years I wanted to go back to when I was ignorant about mental health and able to be a "high functioning depressed being"...

I used to and honestly yeah the novelty and ability of it faded for me the more I knew about the world. The more I learned that there was spaces to exist freely/with support/ not just pretending to be ok...

Suffering in silence led me to suicide at 13.

So now I'm just??? Here... I dunno I relate and I still want it but now that I reflect its just kinda impossible and suffocating.

Its hard though because being accepted also means being rejected. Like the mainstream society is not on the same level of mental health and support/acceptance as spaces designed for that so, for me, it's hard to exist when that isn't such a wide spread things.

 

[Isisnefert]

Hola,
Creo que ya que no puedo ctb en este momento, estoy pensando en matar a mi yo interior en su lugar. Dejar ir todos mis deseos y valores y escribir simplemente mis metas y trabajar para alcanzarlas y lograrlas.
Me recuerda un poco a un padre deprimido que tiene un trabajo horrible para alimentar a su familia.
Me encantaría saber si hay gente por ahí que piense igual que yo.

I feel you

 

[Eternaloblivionplea]

Yes would prefer being a high functioning non-depressed person but beats being a low functioning depressed person in my book

 

[ncmxm]

Yes I think about it often, about how I'd much rather be depressed and high functioning than depressed and low functioning, I'd feel like some movie character or something if I was successful on the outside but dead on the inside

I hope the people here who are depressed and high functioning don't think I'm invalidating their depression, I just mean I'd feel better about myself if I was outwardly successful

 

[ncmxm]

Agreed 100%. Having a family and raising kids is one of the biggest reasons to live and love this world/life. Unfortunately a lot of posts complain about this and say having kids is selfish, cruel, etc... :/

Because...it literally is? Do you seriously find absolutely nothing wrong with the logic of "I find life unbearable, so to feel better I'll bring another person into existence who may also find life unbearable"

Like maybe if you don't like life so much to the point that you can only live for another person, maybe don't subject another person to this life? It's an extreme pov maybe but idgaf, I think depressed and or suicidal people who have kids are some of the most twisted cruel and selfish people there are

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

I think depressed and or suicidal people who have kids are some of the most twisted cruel and selfish people there are

Depends on why they had kids and how they raised them.

In my day, you graduated high school, maybe did college also, got married and had kids. That was the way things happened and we didn't really question it much. I didn't have kids out of any selfish reason, but I did have them because it was expected -- which granted is not necessarily a great reason, but not as bad as having them specifically to fullfil some need within me. Thinking back on it, I definitely wasn't the best mother -- I dissociated too much of my life for that -- but I definitely went out of my way to ensure my kids had life better than me and that they were taught at a very early age about reporting any sort of abuse. They have both grown up to be successful adults and by all appearances they are fairly well adjusted.

 

[ncmxm]

Depends on why they had kids and how they raised them.

In my day, you graduated high school, maybe did college also, got married and had kids. That was the way things happened and we didn't really question it much. I didn't have kids out of any selfish reason, but I did have them because it was expected -- which granted is not necessarily a great reason, but not as bad as having them specifically to fullfil some need within me. Thinking back on it, I definitely wasn't the best mother -- I dissociated too much of my life for that -- but I definitely went out of my way to ensure my kids had life better than me and that they were taught at a very early age about reporting any sort of abuse. They have both grown up to be successful adults and by all appearances they are fairly well adjusted.

Congrats on being lucky then?

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Because...it literally is? Do you seriously find absolutely nothing wrong with the logic of "I find life unbearable, so to feel better I'll bring another person into existence who may also find life unbearable"

Like maybe if you don't like life so much to the point that you can only live for another person, maybe don't subject another person to this life? It's an extreme pov maybe but idgaf, I think depressed and or suicidal people who have kids are some of the most twisted cruel and selfish people there are

Clarification - I never specifically said to bring a child into this world just to make an unbearable life easier for oneself. I was just mentioning that a loving family is a huge reason to love and enjoy this life. Please do not put words in my mouth, thx!

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

That is the position I'm in at the moment. I'm a functional person again but I'm still depressed. It's not ideal but I've made progress. It's really a process.

 

[sod]

I have been alternating between low and high-functioning personality for years now.
As I grow older, the low-functioning personality last longer.

 

[Hirokami]

Meh. As someone who fluctuates between both high and low functioning, I just want to stop being depressed period.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

I went from a super high functioning depressed person to a point where I got "Wait you're depressed? But you're so happy and giggly all the time!" to what I feel like is near the lowest functioning you can be as time has gone on. I'd love to get back to the high functioning, never could tell state but it's a fever dream for now.