Venting Anyone so traumatized since middle school and HS they can’t make decisions for themselves?

[Journeytoletgo]

This is truly the issue. I was so traumatized coming out of HS and from my skin condition I couldn't make the correct decisions for myself

 

[Life_and_Death]

depends. if im around certain people or doing certain things, i will rely heavily on them to help me even if i know what im doing.

 

[Distorted]

Yes. I have narcissistic, abusive parents who convinced me that they were the only ones who would ever love me and that I was too stupid to function on my own. I was never really given a chance to make my own choices or develop my own identity. In short, I was entirely eclipsed. Everything I do in life is to satisfy others' expectations of me. Since my mom died, I have very little direction in life. Every choice I make seems wrong and I feel the need to appeal to whoever my brain has decided is her "replacement" (for a while it was my partner).

Self love (or even acceptance) is extremely difficult. Most of the time I feel subhuman. I don't want to do anything for my own benefit. When left alone, I will self destruct. Self sabotage, wasting away...It's enjoyable. I turn to anything that can give me sensory pleasure, or make me feel as though I'm not here. Sleep deprivation, binge eating or starving, substances, mindless and intense relationships that never come to true fruition.

I'm surviving until I find a new purpose. That purpose has to be myself, but I believe I have long since missed that critical period.

 

[Salvation_]

I don't know what I'm doing

 

[theboy]

School trauma prevents me from moving forward with my life in many ways.

 

[Sakura94]

I was/am. But I think could easily move on from the trauma if I put my mind to it. People in history have moved on from far worse.
Various medical issues stopped me in my tracks and so I have time to dwell on them more.

 

[lonelyrealist]

I don't really associate it with high-school, more like due to never having a strong support system- but I feel like I'm in a constant state of indecisiveness. It usually feels like every big decision I make is the wrong decision. I overthink to the point of exhaustion, then I never make the choice which could very well have improved my quality of life. This has happened several times with job offers in the past 5 years. It's like there isn't a right decision, and I'm stuck doing the same things over and over.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

Who makes decisions for you if you don't? Or do you mean you make decisions, just often the wrong ones?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Who makes decisions for you if you don't? Or do you mean you make decisions, just often the wrong ones?

I make the wrong decisions or at least I think I do

 

[Disappointered]

I am unable to handle any responsibilities because everything I was fabricated to be was based on lies and taken away from me early on. I have no place in which I would fit socially and even making a phone call makes me anxious.

 

[waitingforrest]

Still stuck in a perpetual state of HS, not of my own choice though, some shit is just burned into my memory. I was like a ghost the whole time there, floating in and out of social groups, enough to exist but not enough to be remembered. Felt like a part of me died during that time and refuses to move on and only the fragments of what remains exists. Like it's me, but not me. Oh, and there was also lunchtime. Fuck lunchtime.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Kind of. Not so much trauma though, more like I just fell flat on my face once I was left to my own devices. The depression, inertia and apathy only worsened as I could never find the drive to do anything meaningful or better myself. I never saw the point of anything and I've been bored of life for as long as I can remember.