Venting Anyone slightly envy hearing stories about a successful ctb

[updatedmind]

it's terrible to admit but i'm so far gone i hear stories about other people ctb and i just slightly envy them, i wonder if fate would be so kind to me the next time i feel like it

 

[_Gollum_]

I feel the same. I've even started to feel envious of people who die in accidents.

 

[Malaria]

I feel the same. I've even started to feel envious of people who die in accidents.

Oh my god, same. I actually saw someone die in a car accident not too long ago and was thinking "I wish that was me"

 

[tronix]

Well, I wouldn't say I envy them. I wonder whether they suffered and what is the feeling of dying, was it quick or not, where are they know, do they regret? Maybe they changed their mind but couldn't do anything to stop the process? Were they scared?

If someone wants to do this, it's their choice and I'm okay with that. But usually what leads people to suicide is unberable sadness...

 

[updatedmind]

Well, I wouldn't say I envy them. I wonder whether they suffered and what is the feeling of dying, was it quick or not, where are they know, do they regret? Maybe they changed their mind but couldn't do anything to stop the process? Were they scared?

If someone wants to do this, it's their choice and I'm okay with that. But usually what leads people to suicide is unberable sadness...

this is true, there's a lot that goes into this that i would overlook with the overwhelming desire to just pass

 

[Kit1]

I don't envy anyone who has ended their life they must have been going through hell to get to that point. However right now, I wish I was dead - I don't want to be here anymore and I really cannot take it - and yes I know that as a mother, ending my life is not a humane solution as it will impact my children.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really envy those people, I see them as the true fortunate ones. All I wish for is to be eternally unaware, I see nothing desirable about existing as a conscious being in this evil world. And I also envy them as it's just far too unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms, I envy how they were able to end their own existence even know we exist in this hellish anti-suicide society where there is the absence of peaceful, guaranteed ways to die.

 

[updatedmind]

I don't envy anyone who has ended their life they must have been going through hell to get to that point. However right now, I wish I was dead - I don't want to be here anymore and I really cannot take it - and yes I know that as a mother, ending my life is not a humane solution as it will impact my children.

hoping the universe can send some better things your way, i really feel for you

 

[Ociv]

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I find myself envying people on here who talk about having no attachments or family or whatever. It must be so freeing to have no relationships or responsibilities to leave behind. The people whose mental health I feel responsible for are what's holding me back

 

[theboy]

interesting....

 

[steppingoff]

it's terrible to admit but i'm so far gone i hear stories about other people ctb and i just slightly envy them, i wonder if fate would be so kind to me the next time i feel like it

Slight Envy - how about a full-throated damn, why wasn't it me, moment.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I envy them a lot. I wish it could have been me and that I'm the one who died as well. I envy that they are now dead and won't be suffering anymore for the rest of eternity

 

[ringo99]

Always. Even more if it was by a relatively painless method like N or SN

 

[gazap]

all the time. I even find myself visiting gore sites as a way of normalizing death for me. I would never have visited those sites before, but I guess the more death I see, the more I can accept it. I get pissed off when I see someone just easily throwing themselves off a building with no thought yet here I am having to second guess everything. My mind feels very broken at the moment but I guess that's why Im here...

 

[junko]

I envy people who have successfully ctb. I envy those who have ctb through methods I've tried before even more.

I don't envy their pain, or suffering. I envy the fact they got that ticket that I've been begging for since childhood

 

[Return2themoonlight]

As wild as it sounds, everytime I hear someone dies whether it be in a freak accident or by CTB I'm extremely jealous. If it's by CTB, I'm jealous they have the resources to go through with it so quickly while I'm stuck trying to find a place to jump from. I could take pills I'm deathly allergic too but I'd have to find a place where no one would find me and that's difficult in an inner city area. My greatest wish is to die in a freak accident or something but for those who wish death, for some odd reason, never meets them. Lucky you if you have the resources to go through with it.

 

[Checker130]

I don't envy anyone who has ended their life they must have been going through hell to get to that point. However right now, I wish I was dead - I don't want to be here anymore and I really cannot take it - and yes I know that as a mother, ending my life is not a humane solution as it will impact my children.

This one makes me sad. I'm in the same boat as a father. Waking up and looking at it all but not understanding the point to any of it. Wandering around, paying the bills, watching tv. What's it all about. And no amount of money could improve how I feel. No amount of love seeps through into me. I'd be angry if I wasn't so emptied.

 

[wiinterfrost]

what an interesting question.
i guess sometimes i do. but in my life i've been so used to having to accept that well i don't have what i wish i do but others do
so i mostly just feel empty or it just makes me focus more on my own methods of suicide, to make sure that successfully works.

 

[astonishedturnip]

Yes, especially if it's from a "risky" method such as overdose or jumping. Like, at SaSu we're practically doing PhD work in figuring out the perfect cocktail or height to fall from and even then working with an unsettling margin of error, and some people just stumble their way into an ez death.

When I was in high school, a girl tried to CTB for attention (not being judgmental, she was forthright and honest about her motivation to make her crush feel bad for not reciprocating her feelings) by overdosing on OTC medicines and somehow very nearly died, had to get her stomach pumped and had a hospital stay but she only lived because her friend found her earlier than expected. Imagine nearly dying from an OTC overdose while actually trying to live whereas countless SaSu users try to overdose on any stolen rx under the sun and just end up vomiting everywhere. smh. This was back in the late 00s so no idea what she actually ODed on.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I feel the same. I've even started to feel envious of people who die in accidents.

Same here

 

[iloverachel]

Slightly? I envy them GREATLY.

I don't envy the way they lived up to the point where they CTB though, because their lives must have been terrifyingly miserable. But I envy the fact they are free from all the pain and suffering

 

[Lost Impact]

i envy them a lot. it makes me wish i had that kind of drive. those people are braver than i ever will be.

 

[Ash]

Envy is the wrong word to describe how I feel but it mostly comes down to "why am I still alive?"

 

[worthIess]

*completely* envy. but it gives me hope and courage when people successfully ctb. not that i am happy that they had to suffer and it had to come to that. but i'm glad they finally found peace instead of endlessly suffering. i commend their bravery