Discussion Anyone nervous about the date coming closer?

[cats333]

Is anyone else here who has set a date to ctb nervous? Or are you mainly excited? Im kinda worried about the possibility i might fail or what happens after death more than anything, i set the date for somewhere in january so that means i have around 60-90 days left, which seems like a lot to me but im still just spending them rotting in my room. maybe if i go out and experience new things ill be more comfortable ctb'ing

 

[LeafOnTheWind]

Is anyone else here who has set a date to ctb nervous? Or are you mainly excited? Im kinda worried about the possibility i might fail or what happens after death more than anything, i set the date for somewhere in january so that means i have around 60-90 days left, which seems like a lot to me but im still just spending them rotting in my room. maybe if i go out and experience new things ill be more comfortable ctb'ing

Seriously not joking when I say a pressure feels gone, definitely just my personal observation. Look up the poem "Invictus" something like that in my feelings of it all.

 

[cats333]

Seriously not joking when I say a pressure feels gone, definitely just my personal observation. Look up the poem "Invictus" something like that in my feelings of it all.

thats a really nice poem actually, i hope i can feel calmer when the date arrives too :)

 

[Division Day]

I didn't feel calmer. I felt a bit of relief that it would finally be over and a lot of fear that it wouldn't work.

 

[JustABug]

Is anyone else here who has set a date to ctb nervous? Or are you mainly excited? Im kinda worried about the possibility i might fail or what happens after death more than anything, i set the date for somewhere in january so that means i have around 60-90 days left, which seems like a lot to me but im still just spending them rotting in my room. maybe if i go out and experience new things ill be more comfortable ctb'ing

When I had set a date for ctb it made me soso anxious about whether or not plans would change or I'd find a reason to stay. More often than not, I end up rotting away in my bed with no motivation to go through with ctb and ended up pushing the date further. It's been 6 years I have been doing this exact routine over and over. It is exciting when you get everything together but as the days go by ctb becomes a mindless chore in the back of my head rather than what I need to do.

However you'd like to spend your days is whatever you're comfortable with. A lot of people like to jump in and try all the things they never got to do, but it's okay to not do that. Finding the energy is hard and the choice to ctb takes enough energy as it is, for a good reason or not. It's okay to spend time rotting in bed if that's what you need. Maybe try rotting outside instead?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I used to feel anxious about my upcoming ctb date, but not anymore.
I've reached a point of acceptance now and even feel peaceful about it.

 

[cats333]

When I had set a date for ctb it made me soso anxious about whether or not plans would change or I'd find a reason to stay. More often than not, I end up rotting away in my bed with no motivation to go through with ctb and ended up pushing the date further. It's been 6 years I have been doing this exact routine over and over. It is exciting when you get everything together but as the days go by ctb becomes a mindless chore in the back of my head rather than what I need to do.

However you'd like to spend your days is whatever you're comfortable with. A lot of people like to jump in and try all the things they never got to do, but it's okay to not do that. Finding the energy is hard and the choice to ctb takes enough energy as it is, for a good reason or not. It's okay to spend time rotting in bed if that's what you need. Maybe try rotting outside instead?

thank you for this <3 i felt as if i was wasting the time i had but you are right and its complicated to not be tired all the time. hope ur doing okay

 

[JustABug]

thank you for this <3 i felt as if i was wasting the time i had but you are right and its complicated to not be tired all the time. hope ur doing okay

Just being is never a waste of time. I hope you're also doing alright <3

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

Is anyone else here who has set a date to ctb nervous?

A little. I have been living with suicidal thoughts since April 2018.

but im still just spending them rotting in my room. maybe if i go out and experience new things ill be more comfortable ctb'ing

I understand you.
But, I hate myself. I've made a lot of mistakes. I loved to walk, and still love. I don't know how to explain this in words... I didn't care about myself.

 

[cats333]

A little. I have been living with suicidal thoughts since April 2018.

I understand you.
But, I hate myself. I've made a lot of mistakes. I loved to walk, and still love. I don't know how to explain this in words... I didn't care about myself.

do you still set dates or has it become more of a recurring thought that passes?

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

do you still set dates or has it become more of a recurring thought that passes?

Previously, I lived for revenge on those who destroyed my life, psyche, soul.
After that I wanted ctb.
But this August I messed up too much. I realized that I had made a big mistake. I felt worse.
So yes. I set a date.