Discussion Anyone just never really been listened too/ heard?

[MeltingHeart]

I really feel that this could have been prevented - from me getting to this point in my life- if only I had, had just one person that had wanted to take the time to listen to me a little bit, just for once in my life , I've always had to listen to others, placate others, always considered myself very conscientious & caring - but at the end of day when all is said and done - I never had that in return - I've never been one to feel sorry for myself or blame others - but given that I now feel the way I do- all the hurt, anger & feelings of being let down, have really come to surface (as I had always kept them buried- as I never wanted to be that kind of person to self pity & wallow & not take responsibility for myself & own life) ....but if only one person could have listened when I was struggling & really did need someone to hear me...& maybe for once just allow me that small moment of time to feel a little sorry got myself & get it out of my system and be offered even a tiny bit of consoling,maybe a little compassion or empathy/ sympathy and understanding-or maybe even just a hug! - I think I may not have got this point-but there was no-one- which felt like the loneliest feeling in the world... & then people start to kind of half listen-when youve had a severe breakdown & made multiple attempts on yr life- well sadly sometimes & unfortunetly I do believe there is such a thing as too little, too damn late- & I cant help but feel those that suddenly seem to take a small interest-it is because they quite simply they would not want to have to shoulder any of the guilt or soul searching should I manage to kill myself.

 

[JimFord99]

People can hear but not listen, well, at least most of the people. even if they do, can or do they understand? Doubtful.

 

[MeltingHeart]

People can hear but not listen, well, at least most of the people. even if they do, can or do they understand? Doubtful.

I didnt even expect understanding per se- just the feeling that I was worth being listened to like properly-just for once (and I am not a demanding, attention seeking type)... without people just pretending to listen but really just waiting for there turn to speak kind of thing...then maybe they would have supported me a little earlier when I really needed it the most..rather than have just rapidly brushed anything i tried to say away in an instance....I spent too much time listening to others (which most of the time i did not mind- and i liked that about myself) but I never ever had the chance to speak too...

 

[Paintinglight]

(Idk if you remember but you responded to my thread earlier)
I think you're over 25 and a lot of the time people get depressed/suicidal/etc at a young age. If you did then damn...you've gone a really long time not being properly listened to. If you change your mind at some point about ending your own life I'd say you can still find someone who really listens to you. (not sure if ur post is saying people still don't really listen or they just didn't for a long time but I've responded like it's the 1st one so my bad if it's the 2nd one)

 

[truthseeker]

I wish. Few things I've ever wanted more. I think it would have made a difference for me when younger but never having it I see it now as 'unobtainium' or a pipe-dream.

 

[MeltingHeart]

(Idk if you remember but you responded to my thread earlier)
I think you're over 25 and a lot of the time people get depressed/suicidal/etc at a young age. If you did then damn...you've gone a really long time not being properly listened to. If you change your mind at some point about ending your own life I'd say you can still find someone who really listens to you. (not sure if ur post is saying people still don't really listen or they just didn't for a long time but I've responded like it's the 1st one so my bad if it's the 2nd one)

Oh thku yr kind to reply- yeah I'm a fair bit over 25 - def long enough for it to have effected me I guess- not having anyone to talk too- the thing is those early years & even teenage years I feel are pretty crucial in the development of sense of self worth & forming how you feel about yrself & the perception of others and the world in general- the thing is I truly feel that anything 'help' has come to late - & is really only forth coming so as to assuage any guilt should I be successful as I have attempted so many times now - it's sad it takes that to get attention (I certainly wasn't doing it for attention- I meant it) . I won't be able to change my mind now about ctb- just angry now as my SN got taken away- which is a whole other story! It's strange thou to hve more people on here willing to take the time to read (listen) and console than I have ever had before Irl! Sure is a strange world. Appreciated again as I say. I hope something can turn around for yourself.

I wish. Few things I've ever wanted more. I think it would have made a difference for me when younger but never having it I see it now as 'unobtainium' or a pipe-dream.

Same

 

[Paintinglight]

Yeah the early years are definitely crucial in development and it makes sense that you feel like any help now has come too late to bc it's not really had the impact like it would have had if it'd come earlier (well that's what I'm getting from what you've said). Even tho ur mind might not change I hope u get to have a conversation with someone Irl where ur actually being listened to soon bc I think you deserve that atleast once.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yeah the early years are definitely crucial in development and it makes sense that you feel like any help now has come too late to bc it's not really had the impact like it would have had if it'd come earlier (well that's what I'm getting from what you've said). Even tho ur mind might not change I hope u get to have a conversation with someone Irl where ur actually being listened to soon bc I think you deserve that atleast once.

yeh you totally get it, hey thnks, thats a really nice to thing to say.

 

[Paintinglight]

yeh you totally get it, hey thnks, thats a really nice to thing to say.

No problem :)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Most people do not listen naturally. It's a hard skill to cultivate. Most people hear in order to respond, which is how a conversation works. A true listener will hardly speak but will leave you feeling understood. This however is very rare.
Also, I've found that more educated and intelligent people often find it harder to listen. Like doctors.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Most people do not listen naturally. It's a hard skill to cultivate. Most people hear in order to respond, which is how a conversation works. A true listener will hardly speak but will leave you feeling understood. This however is very rate.
Also, I've found that more educated and intelligent people often find it harder to listen. Like doctors.

Yeah or it's like they are barely listening but just already formulating their own response before truly taking the time to actually absorb what you are really saying which would make a considered response more valid & appropriate to what you actually said in the first place . I was very let down by my doctor which partly contributed to my current situation.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yeah or it's like they are barely listening but just already formulating their own response before truly taking the time to actually absorb what you are really saying which would make a considered response more valid & appropriate to what you actually said in the first place . I was very let down by my doctor which partly contributed to my current situation.

It's an innate arrogance. We all tend to suffer from it to a greater or lesser degree. It's actually very hard to perform such a passive action as listening. Most people want to participate actively and already have preconceived opions formed. I include myself in that especially these days as any conversations I have tend to be arguments.

 

[WhiteDespair]

People have different frames of reference. Subjective, yes. Influential, also yes. That disconnect messed with communication as people use their experiences to try to understand yours. This can be ineffective.

There are definitely some things people will say that will get me to listen more intently. Hitting those can get people to listen to you by getting them pay attention.

 

[MeltingHeart]

It's an innate arrogance. We all tend to suffer from it to a greater or lesser degree. It's actually very hard to perform such a passive action as listening. Most people want to participate actively and already have preconceived opions formed. I include myself in that especially these days as any conversations I have tend to be arguments.

I did always did pride myself on being a good listener, I knew it was a kind of 'skill' i had and I enjoyed it- as I find people fascintating and always liked gaining an insight into other peoples interior worlds, it also made me a valued friend-and of course some men would love this trait & find it that I was 'charming', I now kind of recognise that these types were the particularly arrogant ones (of which I met alot) , so of course they felt 'charmed' by me, when I would listen so intently to them without much scope for my own input-depsite being reflective, with a fair level of intelligence & able to form & articulate opinions of my own-without needing any validation. However I reaslied that ultimately I kind of took the 'good listener' thing way too far and to the detriment of myself, neglecting my own innate need to have a voice & be heard-just generally & also particularly in times of need. In times of being severly lacking in emotional support. Alot of it stems from childhood experiences & the two people that are occasionally meant to listen and/or atleast make it feel that what you have to say, how you feel, what your needs are (in order to survive and thrive later on), even perhaps what yr hopes & dreams are, all valid things that should be heard- and that imbue one with a vital sense of security, that someone, anyone, cares & that your life, opinions, essentially that you 'matter' at all and have worth- and your life has some value.