Anyone here's parents destroyed their self esteem permanently?

[Water-Lily]

My mom broke me from the inside out. I can'e eat without punishing myself and desiring to purge thanks to her making feel fat and ugly
I also don't know how to make my own choices because I had to bend over backwards for her will
I just feel like if I CTB it'd be to prover words

"I wish you'd jump out a window right now"-Mom

P.S.: I really don't want to "keep trying" my mom broke me beyond permanent repair and that is final

 

[nerve]

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin | Poetry Foundation

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

www.poetryfoundation.org

I know she was just dealing with a difficult situation and difficult children, but I wish my mother hadn't said a lot of the things she said to me. I second-guess everything I say and do and that definitely started with her.

 

[sleepisanescape]

I definitely relate.

My father would frequently go into fits of rage where he'd scream how much he hated his life because he had to take care of me and my two siblings (he won custody of us because my mom was considered 'unfit to be a mother'). He would call us every foul name you can think of, r*tards who wouldn't make it in life, losers, failures, whatever. And never any praise. I was always intensely jealous of kids who received words of support and love from their parents.

 

[Nitup]

Yep my parents destroyed my self-esteem too, sort of.
As a kid and young teenager I was good at school, I mean very good.
I was one year younger than the others in my class and still always be the first.
So my parents put high presure on me, still telling me that I can do more, telling me that I have a potential that I am wasting and so on..
Because of that at the age of 16 the presure was too strong for me and I slept into a deep depression, began to skip classes, started to smoke drink and I did not work anymore at school.
As a result I have no degree or whatever graduation and since feel like I'm not able to do anything good in my life because well I have potential but I'm wasting it.
Thanks to them for that.

 

[Frauw]

My father tried but i dont think i need to take lip from someone who lives in a white van.

 

[Deleted member 24434]

Yup. My mother told me from I was a toddler that I was ugly, I was stupid, she didn't want me, she wished I'd never been born because I was just a fucking curse. I was too skinny so I was force fed foods that she knew would make me vomit. Then said I was a dirty bitch for making such a mess. My siblings joined in with that particular punishment. I lived in fear of food every day. I have an eating disorder now thanks to that. It escalated when I got older. I was bullied at school for being ugly and different. My family said it was my fault and that I should just be normal. I've been beaten, dragged out of bed naked by my hair and punched in the face by my siblings while my mother sat and watched with a smirk on her face. I've been called a whore, scum, and when I once mentioned I wanted to end it all I was laughed at and told "well, go get a rope and do it, but don't make a fucking mess" my 'family' are the reason I know I'm better off dead and that I'd do the world a favor.

 

[Weary Soul]

Both of my parents fit into this category. The damage they have done is incredible. Like you, my mother used to tell me I was fat. I looked back on old pictures in my yearbook and was stunned to see I was actually skinny,

Even knowing how damaging they were and having cut them out of my life because of how toxic they were, I still suffer from severe self image and confidence problems.

To this day, I wonder who I would have been or what I might have accomplished had I had quality bio-donors (ie, parents who cared).

Some days I try to realize that they had their own demons, but you know what? There was absolutely no excuse for them to try and transfer their demons onto me.

I am so sorry your mother did this to you!

<3

 

[Water-Lily]

Yup. My mother told me from I was a toddler that I was ugly, I was stupid, she didn't want me, she wished I'd never been born because I was just a fucking curse. I was too skinny so I was force fed foods that she knew would make me vomit. Then said I was a dirty bitch for making such a mess. My siblings joined in with that particular punishment. I lived in fear of food every day. I have an eating disorder now thanks to that. It escalated when I got older. I was bullied at school for being ugly and different. My family said it was my fault and that I should just be normal. I've been beaten, dragged out of bed naked by my hair and punched in the face by my siblings while my mother sat and watched with a smirk on her face. I've been called a whore, scum, and when I once mentioned I wanted to end it all I was laughed at and told "well, go get a rope and do it, but don't make a fucking mess" my 'family' are the reason I know I'm better off dead and that I'd do the world a favor.

Jesus Christ....my heart breaks. My mom went back and forth. She def tore me down and I probably have an undiagnosed ED. Though there were times where she would hug me and tell me I was pretty. But its so confusing it made things worse

For what your mom and siblings and bullies did to you...all I can say is that you deserved none of it. I am so sorry. I hope speaking about it here helps

Both of my parents fit into this category. The damage they have done is incredible. Like you, my mother used to tell me I was fat. I looked back on old pictures in my yearbook and was stunned to see I was actually skinny,

Even knowing how damaging they were and having cut them out of my life because of how toxic they were, I still suffer from severe self image and confidence problems.

To this day, I wonder who I would have been or what I might have accomplished had I had quality bio-donors (ie, parents who cared).

Some days I try to realize that they had their own demons, but you know what? There was absolutely no excuse for them to try and transfer their demons onto me.

I am so sorry your mother did this to you!

<3

That is so true. While I acknowledge my mom def had her own abuse traumas in her childhood she had a duty as a mom to be there and she failed. Hell even my dad failed in enabling and joining in with her. Though he and I are on better terms now I still hold a grudge

It sucks since it's like even with her dead I will always suffer permanently because of it. Makes it hard to trust people and make friends

 

[Deleted member 24434]

Jesus Christ....my heart breaks. My mom went back and forth. She def tore me down and I probably have an undiagnosed ED. Though there were times where she would hug me and tell me I was pretty. But its so confusing it made things worse

For what your mom and siblings and bullies did to you...all I can say is that you deserved none of it. I am so sorry. I hope speaking about it here helps

I confronted her about it once and she started punching things telling me that I'm a fucking liar. I gave up even trying. My siblings all hate me. They believe her. I'm so sorry your mom wasn't there for you and it sounds like she gaslighted you which is a terrible torture to put someone though.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

When I was 5 or 6 my dad measured and weighed me weekly . 35 years later still fucks with my head.

 

[Water-Lily]

I confronted her about it once and she started punching things telling me that I'm a fucking liar. I gave up even trying. My siblings all hate me. They believe her. I'm so sorry your mom wasn't there for you and it sounds like she gaslighted you which is a terrible torture to put someone though.

Indeed. She would spin things and make it seem like she was the perfect mom and I was bad. Clearly very mentally unstable. I recall my dad was physically abusive as well when he blocked me from leaving the house. He was such a coward back then

These days we talk openly about the abuse but I dont think I will fullly forgive him.

Do you still live with your family?

 

[Deleted member 24434]

Indeed. She would spin things and make it seem like she was the perfect mom and I was bad. Clearly very mentally unstable. I recall my dad was physically abusive as well when he blocked me from leaving the house. He was such a coward back then

These days we talk openly about the abuse but I dont think I will fullly forgive him.

Do you still live with your family?

I was lucky to have a brilliant dad but I lost him at a young age. My mother would spin things too, make me wonder if I really AM the scum she said I was? She is such a narcissist she can fool so many people. No, I moved out of her house long ago and I'm now a parent myself and neither me nor my children see her. One of the blessings COVID has brought is that we legally aren't able to visit so that takes a lot of pressure off. But just thinking back to everything that was said and done makes me sad cause I don't understand what I did so wrong.

 

[Water-Lily]

I was lucky to have a brilliant dad but I lost him at a young age. My mother would spin things too, make me wonder if I really AM the scum she said I was? She is such a narcissist she can fool so many people. No, I moved out of her house long ago and I'm now a parent myself and neither me nor my children see her. One of the blessings COVID has brought is that we legally aren't able to visit so that takes a lot of pressure off. But just thinking back to everything that was said and done makes me sad cause I don't understand what I did so wrong.

I am glad you are gone. I think my mom was more BPD like myself but could have also been a narc. Either way, she is dead. I am living with my dad and younger brother.My brother sadly walked in her toxic footsteps

Honestly, we did nothing wrong. We were innocent children. Adults who abuse children are projecting their own pain onto. them. People have children for ridiculous and frankly stupid reasons. When reality slaps them in the face instead of taking responsibility their demons come out and they hurt the child.

 

[Deleted member 24434]

I am glad you are gone. I think my mom was more BPD like myself but could have also been a narc. Either way, she is dead. I am living with my dad and younger brother.My brother sadly walked in her toxic footsteps

Honestly, we did nothing wrong. We were innocent children. Adults who abuse children are projecting their own pain onto. them. People have children for ridiculous and frankly stupid reasons. When reality slaps them in the face instead of taking responsibility their demons come out and they hurt the child.

I'm waiting for my mother to die. She hasn't got long left now, she's old and in awful health. I sound so nasty saying that, but I believe once she is gone I will be able to hopefully put that part of my life away and move on. Maybe if she goes before I do I will be able to start to recover. God knows I'm only here right now because I'll never leave my kids intentionally, but I'm a shell. I'm on autopilot. Parents have such a lot to answer for.

 

[Water-Lily]

I'm waiting for my mother to die. She hasn't got long left now, she's old and in awful health. I sound so nasty saying that, but I believe once she is gone I will be able to hopefully put that part of my life away and move on. Maybe if she goes before I do I will be able to start to recover. God knows I'm only here right now because I'll never leave my kids intentionally, but I'm a shell. I'm on autopilot. Parents have such a lot to answer for.

My mom died 2 years ago but I feel I am a permanent husk :(

 

[Good4Nothing]

Me.

 

[Deleted member 24434]

My mom died 2 years ago but I feel I am a permanent husk :(

Wish I could offer any words that would help but I don't have them. Because I'm the same and I don't know. But you're not alone and I'm sending you the biggest hugs. You're lovely and you deserved better.

 

[MindFrog]

I didn't have anyone to lean to except my grangran. My dad was an absentee who only reached out when I was on my 20's and my mom is a narcissist. She grinds my sense of self to dust and then complain why I don't look after my appearance.

Apparently she gets embarrassed in front of her friends cause I look older than her. Told me I make her look bad..

 

[Wakawaka]

Sometimes I wished they died just to see how I would feel

 

[Water-Lily]

I didn't have anyone to lean to except my grangran. My dad was an absentee who only reached out when I was on my 20's and my mom is a narcissist. She grinds my sense of self to dust and then complain why I don't look after my appearance.

Apparently she gets embarrassed in front of her friends cause I look older than her. Told me I make her look bad..

My mom was jealous of how my dad cared about me seemingly over her. I overheard her saying "when a man chooses his daughter over his wife that means he hates her"

Wish I could offer any words that would help but I don't have them. Because I'm the same and I don't know. But you're not alone and I'm sending you the biggest hugs. You're lovely and you deserved better.

thank you babe. we are both suffering

 

[Starseedchip]

My mother helped destroy my psyche

 

[Wraith]

My father has NPD and my mother BPD. These two together, especially untreated, were a disaster. My self-image sucks and my self-esteem nonexistent. I don't really like my father, and my relationship with my mother is strained, but I like her. She's on medication now, and it seems to help a bit.

 

[Water-Lily]

My father has NPD and my mother BPD. These two together, especially untreated, were a disaster. My self-image sucks and my self-esteem nonexistent. I don't really like my father, and my relationship with my mother is strained, but I like her. She's on medication now, and it seems to help a bit.

The opposite. My dad seems to have a form of depression while my mom was either BPD/NPD. While they collectively ruined me I get along with my dad more nowadays

 

[GarageKarate07]

It's not like it is easy to be a "perfect parent" but these fuckers could start by not being assholes to thier own kids or kids in general for that matter. They say children are the most precious thing yet here we all are fucked up and continuing the cycle! That doc "Bully" puts it in perspective. Kids trying to CTB at the age of 9 or younger. Like WTF? Like who the fuck are we as a people? Kids starve, kids get blown up in war, kids get taken, kids get touched by the church, kids get killed by thier own parents, kids are homeless. We do not cherish the children. What a fucking lie! To that matter we dont even cherish each other. We are all slaves to broken horrible systems. There are small wins like my friends adopted 6 kids, or people in the social services that actually try to help dispite the "rules" blatantly not allowing for it. They say don't die but what the fuck are we doing staying here? No country has a utopia (this is on purpose) the fist one that does gets invaded by the church and the bank and the state. "Are these your animals and your land? Well, we bought them from nobody and we own you now. Here's how you have to live from now on.". Fix the adults and love the adults without question and the kids will follow. We won't see that for a long time from now.

 

[Water-Lily]

It's not like it is easy to be a "perfect parent" but these fuckers could start by not being assholes to thier own kids or kids in general for that matter. They say children are the most precious thing yet here we all are fucked up and continuing the cycle! That doc "Bully" puts it in perspective. Kids trying to CTB at the age of 9 or younger. Like WTF? Like who the fuck are we as a people? Kids starve, kids get blown up in war, kids get taken, kids get touched by the church, kids get killed by thier own parents, kids are homeless. We do not cherish the children. What a fucking lie! To that matter we dont even cherish each other. We are all slaves to broken horrible systems. There are small wins like my friends adopted 6 kids, or people in the social services that actually try to help dispite the "rules" blatantly not allowing for it. They say don't die but what the fuck are we doing staying here? No country has a utopia (this is on purpose) the fist one that does gets invaded by the church and the bank and the state. "Are these your animals and your land? Well, we bought them from nobody and we own you now. Here's how you have to live from now on.". Fix the adults and love the adults without question and the kids will follow. We won't see that for a long time from now.

You are so right. I feel the same way. People say"kids are precious" yet so many adults fail children. I think people see children as asstes or objects. Status symbols, etc. We put children on some pedastool, only to realize that reality and responsibility of having a child. And instead of rising to the challenge, many adults lie, abuse, and murder. I really really think parents should have licenses.

 

[fent_dnm27]

I'm in the same boat. Abusive caretakers are an unrivalled torment.

She def tore me down and I probably have an undiagnosed ED.

I came across a quote in a book, attributed to a clinician or physician:

"i've never met anyone from a dysfunctional family who didn't have an eating disorder of some kind"

Eating Disorders are more than just bulimia or anorexia. Binge eating disorder is also a thing.... and you don't have to be 300lbs to manifest it.