DiiDii
Member
- Dec 18, 2019
- 15
Hey all, this is my second post here.
I just wanted to talk about my experience with a past suicide attempt that should have worked and yet somehow i'm still alive. A few years back I was stockpiling beta blockers in an attempt to OD.The tablets were 10mg each and I had over a hundred of them (So over 1 grams in total) I took all of them at once and experienced an extremely intense trip that was much more powerful than an MDMA comedown mixed with weed (which from my understanding is about the same level as taking LSD or shrooms if you time it correctly) which I had done a few times in the past. I was seeing a lot of visible and auditory hallucinations. I had read online that 1g was the lethal dosage and that if for whatever you did survive you would be put into a medical coma. I'm a very skinny and short person for my age (around 5.7ft and not sure about weight but im on the critical end of the BMI bordering extremely under weight) so the lethal dosage should theoretically be even lower for me. After taking the beta blockers I kept retching but forced myself not to throw up. I went to sleep expecting not to wake up however, the next day I woke up almost completely unscathed minus an extremely weak heartbeat that you could barely feel and a heartbeat that was very slow (only about 1 beat every other secondish although I didn't record a BPM so I couldn't tell you exactly) that lasted for about 4 or 5 days. I don't understand how I lived or at the very least didn't go into a chemical induced coma. Honestly it scares the shit out of me and made me believe that for some time I was immortal or something because I should not have survived. I've never told any therapists about this until recently, and they all agreed that my survival was extremely "lucky."
My question is does anyone know how it might be possible that I survived? And also if anyone else has any similar stories relating to attempts that should have worked yet somehow didn't. As I say im a very skinny person, so out of all people I should have been the most likely to die from an OD.
I just wanted to talk about my experience with a past suicide attempt that should have worked and yet somehow i'm still alive. A few years back I was stockpiling beta blockers in an attempt to OD.The tablets were 10mg each and I had over a hundred of them (So over 1 grams in total) I took all of them at once and experienced an extremely intense trip that was much more powerful than an MDMA comedown mixed with weed (which from my understanding is about the same level as taking LSD or shrooms if you time it correctly) which I had done a few times in the past. I was seeing a lot of visible and auditory hallucinations. I had read online that 1g was the lethal dosage and that if for whatever you did survive you would be put into a medical coma. I'm a very skinny and short person for my age (around 5.7ft and not sure about weight but im on the critical end of the BMI bordering extremely under weight) so the lethal dosage should theoretically be even lower for me. After taking the beta blockers I kept retching but forced myself not to throw up. I went to sleep expecting not to wake up however, the next day I woke up almost completely unscathed minus an extremely weak heartbeat that you could barely feel and a heartbeat that was very slow (only about 1 beat every other secondish although I didn't record a BPM so I couldn't tell you exactly) that lasted for about 4 or 5 days. I don't understand how I lived or at the very least didn't go into a chemical induced coma. Honestly it scares the shit out of me and made me believe that for some time I was immortal or something because I should not have survived. I've never told any therapists about this until recently, and they all agreed that my survival was extremely "lucky."
My question is does anyone know how it might be possible that I survived? And also if anyone else has any similar stories relating to attempts that should have worked yet somehow didn't. As I say im a very skinny person, so out of all people I should have been the most likely to die from an OD.
