Anyone here no longer wanna be toxic?

[ardacalvin]

I hurt a lot people by just being me. I know I'm a toxic person because my score board as to how many people I send away because they are no longer able to bear with me and tolerate me. This can be the most obvious sign and trait to just CBT. You deeply and internally know that you are not supposed to hurt the people the most meaningful and beloved to you but in a sort of way you just somehow manage to achive making them hate you.

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

I relate.
My existence hurts people, or at least the way I impose myself with my deviances on them does. That and my utter incompetence, of course. It feels like I have nothing to speak about except bad things in life and wanting to die, and it is only a matter of time before people have enough of that.
well

 

[ardacalvin]

yeah,
Every time I tried to be realistic about their dreams or what they're aiming to achieve for. Apart from that I always sound too cynical even though it isn't my original intention, people mistake your cynicism as such and ignore your disillusionments and suicidal thoughts deliberately.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I hurt a lot people by just being me. I know I'm a toxic person because my score board as to how many people I send away because they are no longer able to bear with me and tolerate me. This can be the most obvious sign and trait to just CBT. You deeply and internally know that you are not supposed to hurt the people the most meaningful and beloved to you but in a sort of way you just somehow manage to achive making them hate you.

You have to put yourself first in this world, because when shits hit the fan you will only have yourself….. I wish you a successful ctb

 

[thecolourgold]

for me, I'm chronically suicidal, and my self hatred and lack of confidence drive people away. Toxic in a different way, I give everything of myself to others and eventually they dump me.

 

[ardacalvin]

You have to put yourself first in this world, because when shits hit the fan you will only have yourself….. I wish you a successful ctb

easy to say. But if people after your CBT will make something stupid or never forgive themselves for any fucking stupid reason, and that they will be dysfunctional just due to your CBT, your cost&benefit analysis must really at the end of the day make extremely actual sense otherwise your only legacy is just mere pain and regret for others.

for me, I'm chronically suicidal, and my self hatred and lack of confidence drive people away. Toxic in a different way, I give everything of myself to others and eventually they dump me.

because, I believe, with the CBT in our mind constantly, we wanna send people away in turn also deliberately and unconsciously hurt them since we are really extremely temporal players and in the end and do not wanna make them feel guilty for our actions. I. hope u know what I mean :D

 

[just_so_done]

This! All of this! I can so relate to what all of you are saying about being toxic and pushing away and hurting the ones you love the most. i've withdrawn from almost everyone, i never feel like i can contribute to a conversation when ppl talk about their "normal" lives, and my chronic mental health issues and suicidality has pushed the remaining ppl away because they dont want to deal with that. It's really lonely and while i want that closeness i know what you mean when it's either concious or unconcious decision to push them away so itll make ctb easier. Feeling all of your pain

 

[hana0]

Yes, I've only recently became aware of how toxic I am and the guilt is killing me. I've been depressed for years and I get so absorbed in my negative thoughts. I have a hard time being nice, caring and positive to other people. I feel like I can have good intentions but can't express them in a right way. I just feel so bad for anyone who has to deal with me and my mood swings, especially my family

 

[Bunnybrains]

Yeah- couldnt handle the thought of dragginf someone down with me u knoe? Why cant it be easier to just do ehats best for others

 

[DeathSleep]

I feel like I've become more toxic. I've pushed everyone away and I feel like such a downer all the time. Sometimes I feel like my therapist only puts up with me because she has to.

 

[ardacalvin]

I intentionally hurt people at this point, my family, my friends etc. I only talk about my suicide to my closest ones. I feel disgusted as to how much sadness I spread around my loved ones. However, I'm also the loser the one, in that, not implementing it once and for all. Constantly torturing my loved ones gotta meet its end at some point, otherwise what I do is just making all other people as miserable as me.

 

[SexyIncél]

Fuck most of those normies. It's interesting going to hotel rooftop parties, served by wageslaves, driven in Ubers by people who've seen some of the worst experiences of humanity

And the revelers aren't even having that much fun. Pretending to like the charcuterie & near-identical wines. They'd probably have more fun playing a party game:

"Can we solve the problems of the most miserable person on this rooftop?"

When forced to spend too much time with these pointless fucks, listening to them living vicariously through Bravo TV, my toxic side arises with a quickness. I want to vomit on their shoes & laugh & laugh & laugh

 

[hellispink]

I don't bother others so no one bothers me. I know i am poisonous so i stay away from everybody.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

You deeply and internally know that you are not supposed to hurt the people the most meaningful and beloved to you but in a sort of way you just somehow manage to achive making them hate you.

i relate to this in ways words cannot convey.