Story Anyone here have children?

[pointlessliving]

I posted here when I was pregnant and wanting to ctb…now I have a 7mo baby who is the light of my life but also not enough to salvage the terrible relationship I am in…I know it is really bad for babies to grow up in a high conflict home. I just asked Gemini and it told me that this is how the impact can be ranked as-
1. Worst- high conflict home
2. Losing primary caregiver to divorce
3. (Least damaging) Losing primary caregiver to death (even by suicide as long as remaining family handles the aftermath with care and is able to provide attachment)

I have no hope or interest in living other than ensuring my baby has the best chance at life…and it seems like suicide by me is the best option still to ensure that he can have a clean slate with his dad once Im gone…but the ambiguity of it all and leaving my baby still makes me nervous- but I also can't bear this relationship anymore…sigh

 

[elenaboo25]

I don't know your situation, so I can't tell you what to do, but you might want to consider if this might work:

You could break up with the other caregiver, the one you are in a realationship with, and then you could become the primary caregiver for your baby. If you think you are able to do that.

You could also do it the other way around and leave the baby with your partner, if you think your partner is better able to take care of the child. I do not think that it is neccessary for you to ctb for your child's sake, but if you leave your child with your partner and you still want to ctb after, you still have the option to do that.

 

[pointlessliving]

I don't know your situation, so I can't tell you what to do, but you might want to consider if this might work:

You could break up with the other caregiver, the one you are in a realationship with, and then you could become the primary caregiver for your baby. If you think you are able to do that.

You could also do it the other way around and leave the baby with your partner, if you think your partner is better able to take care of the child. I do not think that it is neccessary for you to ctb for your child's sake, but if you leave your child with your partner and you still want to ctb after, you still have the option to do that.

Thanks! That is a good point- I think even though I am the primary caregiver, my partner has more financial and family support- I have no family and currently unemployed…so I think holistically, it will make my baby's life more comfortable and secure if he stays with partner. Honestly, I don't think I will be able to survive the heartbreak of losing my baby…I have already lost all my life purpose and my sense of self and the only thing preventing me from ctb is my baby and if I lose him, what's the point in staying alive. Plus, the main thing I am trying to do is to cause him the least damage/ loss possible and the cleanest way for him to start over is if I just disappear

 

[Jadeith]

First of all, i'd strongly argue against asking Gemini or any other AI for that matter, about such things. They are known to give bullshit answers in much simpler queries. Also, as other members of the forum pointed out in other threads, they might be monitored and such questions might provoke unwanted attention from certain agencies.

In addition to what elenaboo25 suggested, joint custody, if such option is available in your part of the world, might also be worth considering. Statistical data suggests that children with both parents present have higher success chance compared to those from single parent households. Don't know about your situation with your partner aside from it being toxic but sharing the kid, while showing basic respect for each other for child's sake, might be viable solution.