Anyone here gets a desire to CTB when they have traumatic flashbacks?

[Water-Lily]

Whenever I have triggers about my mom abusing me or triggers os sexual abuse I faced after 18 I feel like dying to escape. Anyone can relate?

 

[Life_and_Death]

yeah i can understand that. for me id either relive things that have happened or my mind will make up scenes to scare me.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Yeah, I think it is the adrenaline and shock dealt to our nervous system, that sends you into overdrive during a visceral flashback. They suck, I've had ptsd for years and I'm still not used to that raw, gnawing feeling of fear. I hope whatever has triggered you will pass soon and you can feel peace, far away from your trauma.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yeah, I think it is the adrenaline and shock dealt to our nervous system, that sends you into overdrive during a visceral flashback. They suck, I've had ptsd for years and I'm still not used to that raw, gnawing feeling of fear. I hope whatever has triggered you will pass soon and you can feel peace, far away from your trauma.

sometomes i fee I can only get that peace by CTB

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

During a flashback, I don't think about killing myself. I go into severe flight mode. Shaking, screaming, pacing fast around my house (inside), talking crazy, incoherent, crying hard, feeling it all over again. But this time there is no one to save me. Had a recent episode after years of only an occasional thought, and this one was the worst! Completely out of control from fear. Lasted a couple of hours. My poor little dog was so confused.

But I had no thoughts of suicide. It was totally like the night I was assaulted and strangled, all I could think of was getting away and surviving.

It is afterwards that I think of that.

 

[Water-Lily]

During a flashback, I don't think about killing myself. I go into severe flight mode. Shaking, screaming, pacing fast around my house (inside), talking crazy, incoherent, crying hard, feeling it all over again. But this time there is no one to save me. Had a recent episode after years of only an occasional thought, and this one was the worst! Completely out of control from fear. Lasted a couple of hours. My poor little dog was so confused.

But I had no thoughts of suicide. It was totally like the night I was assaulted and strangled, all I could think of was getting away and surviving.

It is afterwards that I think of that.

I swear people re the most digesting creates ever.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Pretty much every day, I'll have at least one flashback that my body physically reacts to. Even if I'm around people, it'll still sometimes make me flinch and cry out when it randomly hits and it's very embarrassing to me. Sometimes I won't even notice my face is all scrunched up like I'm in pain until someone asks me if I'm okay. It's not always traumatic memories either, but also just shameful or embarrassing memories. So there are a lot of them.

 

[Water-Lily]

Pretty much every day, I'll have at least one flashback that my body physically reacts to. Even if I'm around people, it'll still sometimes make me flinch and cry out when it randomly hits and it's very embarrassing to me. Sometimes I won't even notice my face is all scrunched up like I'm in pain until someone asks me if I'm okay. It's not always traumatic memories either, but also just shameful or embarrassing memories. So there are a lot of them.

For me I randomly start hyperventilating, feeling scared, and mentally shut down. It makes me afraid to go out in public

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

For me I randomly start hyperventilating, feeling scared, and mentally shut down. It makes me afraid to go out in public

I'm so sorry. Me hyperventilating in public because of a flashback is another memory that my body now reacts to like it's just as painful. My brain doesn't seem to differentiate much between the levels of severity when it comes to a memory. So me embarrassing myself for some minor thing is just as painful of a memory as, say.. when I was a kid and was beaten and thrown down the stairs and then kicked in the stomach so hard I thought I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. It makes no sense.

 

[Water-Lily]

I'm so sorry. Me hyperventilating in public because of a flashback is another memory that my body now reacts to like it's just as painful. My brain doesn't seem to differentiate much between the levels of severity when it comes to a memory. So me embarrassing myself for some minor thing is just as painful of a memory as, say.. when I was a kid and was beaten and thrown down the stairs and then kicked in the stomach so hard I thought I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. It makes no sense.

Fuck I just....reallly hate abusive parents. My mom kicked me down a flight of stairs once and threw a show at me when she caught me trying to run away from home. I dodged it but if it hit....I wonder

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Fuck I just....reallly hate abusive parents. My mom kicked me down a flight of stairs once and threw a show at me when she caught me trying to run away from home. I dodged it but if it hit....I wonder

Jesus, I'm sorry. It wasn't my parents that were abusive. It was my older brother. Because he's my brother, everyone assumes I'm exaggerating normal sibling fighting, but it was not normal the things he would do. I didn't even realize it until I was adult just how messed up it all really was. My mom definitely did some messed up things, and could be emotionally abusive but she never physically harmed me. Only spanking when I was really little.

 

[Water-Lily]

Jesus, I'm sorry. It wasn't my parents that were abusive. It was my older brother. Because he's my brother, everyone assumes I'm exaggerating normal sibling fighting, but it was not normal the things he would do. I didn't even realize it until I was adult just how messed up it all really was. My mom definitely did some messed up things, and could be emotionally abusive but she never physically harmed me. Only spanking when I was really little.

Sibling abuse is real and I think people call sibling rivalry so much that so much gets swept under the rug.