Anyone here feels like nothing would take out the will to ctb?

[watereyes]

I see that people here want to ctb because they have something in their life that is hard/impossible to fix. I feel that death is just a thing that has to happen. That it doesnt matter whether I'm happy or not, that I would have that urge to die anyway: that nothing could ever make me want to live. I felt the greatest just before my suicide attempt, I was glad I would die that day (well I thought I would). Failing was the worst feeling of frustration I've ever had.

So I'm just wondering if anyone else has that state of mind; not really depressed, but seriously want to end it.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I felt the greatest just before my suicide attempt, I was glad I would die that day (well I thought I would)

I have been experiencing this feeling of almost happiness when I was certain I would die shortly, it actually felt very good but for a very short amount of time probably only minutes since apathy overpowers all my feelings.

 

[ladolcemorte]

For me, it is hard to say. There are circumstances which render my current life unfit for living. If these circumstances were to change, I might suddenly be inspired to keep living. But it would take a pretty monumental change, like winning 50 million dollars. (Pretty hard to hate your life while on a yacht!). Or if I could snap my fingers and just have someone else's life, that might work.

That said, I have had suicidal thoughts and a strong fascination with death since the age of 5. At that time, there were no circumstances or events in my life that were causing me pain. Life was good, but I was nonetheless overcome with the strong sensation that I should end mine. So perhaps it wouldn't matter. Maybe I would still feel the same even if I were on a yacht or in a mansion. (I sure would like to test that theory though!)

 

[faust]

I cannot say that I am severely depressed all the time. Even when I am not depressed, I feel the desire to CTB.
These are two different feelings for me: depression and suicidality.
I know that I will have to do this. Because at this point my life causes much more fear than death.
My death will remove pain, struggles, sufferings while life has much of these yet to offer me.

 

[watereyes]

For me, it is hard to say. There are circumstances which render my current life unfit for living. If these circumstances were to change, I might suddenly be inspired to keep living. But it would take a pretty monumental change, like winning 50 million dollars. (Pretty hard to hate your life while on a yacht!). Or if I could snap my fingers and just have someone else's life, that might work.

That said, I have had suicidal thoughts and a strong fascination with death since the age of 5. At that time, there were no circumstances or events in my life that were causing me pain. Life was good, but I was nonetheless overcome with the strong sensation that I should end mine. So perhaps it wouldn't matter. Maybe I would still feel the same even if I were on a yacht or in a mansion. (I sure would like to test that theory though!)

Well you know what they say, money doesn't create happiness (well except if the reason you want to ctb is because you have no money I guess). I'm not sure you can compare these thoughts with the ones you had when you were five; children usually don't understand the concept of death at that age (well in my case, I didnt).
So it's not really about having what you think would make you happy, but let's assume you were, would you still want to end it? I definitely would.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I would because this world is a horrible horrible place and I'm so ashamed to be human. I'm also scared of ending up like my grandmother she's a vegetable she can't do anything, she has to be moved around and wheeled, moved ontop of the toilet because she still begs to use it even though she wears a diaper. Going to the bathroom is the only action she gets in her day. So I'd definitely want to die before I'm too old or become like that. The only way I'd prolong my life is if I won the lottery, it would be amazing to have millions, I could afford to buy N! I'm so broke I can't even afford N so I definitely would love to win like 50 million for sure, in my city, and make it public so all my highschool bullies and haters can envy me hahaha! But I don't play all the time because I always lose lol. I'm destined to be a loser, the only fix I can see for my life is the money, that's it. It's impossible for sure, and even if I had the money, I'd still CTB before it ran out lmao, well I would invest in my own business or something, or I could just live on it for a few more years then ctb. Ahh the dreams. I also can't live knowing what happens to animals and how sick people are, I fucking hate people so much ughh, most of them anyway, the sheep.

 

[watereyes]

I would because this world is a horrible horrible place and I'm so ashamed to be human. I'm also scared of ending up like my grandmother she's a vegetable she can't do anything, she has to be moved around and wheeled, moved ontop of the toilet because she still begs to use it even though she wears a diaper. Going to the bathroom is the only action she gets in her day. So I'd definitely want to die before I'm too old or become like that. The only way I'd prolong my life is if I won the lottery, it would be amazing to have millions, I could afford to buy N! I'm so broke I can't even afford N so I definitely would love to win like 50 million for sure, in my city, and make it public so all my highschool bullies and haters can envy me hahaha! But I don't play all the time because I always lose lol. I'm destined to be a loser, the only fix I can see for my life is the money, that's it. It's impossible for sure, and even if I had the money, I'd still CTB before it ran out lmao, well I would invest in my own business or something, or I could just live on it for a few more years then ctb. Ahh the dreams. I also can't live knowing what happens to animals and how sick people are, I fucking hate people so much ughh, most of them anyway, the sheep.

Yeah, I think life is so meaningless that money couldn't even help it. It's weird when you believe there's no afterlife, and realise that nothing at all has meaning. A million dollars.. I'd just buy a shotgun and bang!
I'm sorry about your grandmother. Sorry if I'm curious, is this the result of an illness or an attempt?

 

[Emily123]

No . If I had enough money for surgeries . I would not CTB

 

[watereyes]

Tell me about it, what happened to you?

 

[gnomeboy17]

Yeah I feel this! The week before I was going to ctb I was so happy because I thought it would be over.

There is one thing that would make me feel better, if I was born male. But that obviously won't happen and I don't feel satisfied with surgeries so ctb it is then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[watereyes]

Yeah I feel this! The week before I was going to ctb I was so happy because I thought it would be over.

There is one thing that would make me feel better, if I was born male. But that obviously won't happen and I don't feel satisfied with surgeries so ctb it is then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Wish I was born female tho. That's weird, the neighbour's grass is always greener. If I was brainwashed by a therapist into staying alive I'd transition.

 

[thirdwitch]

I have no memory of ever having a time when I didn't want to die. So, it was at least as early as age 4.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Wish I was born female tho. That's weird, the neighbour's grass is always greener. If I was brainwashed by a therapist into staying alive I'd transition.

Ngl I think it's borderline transphobic to say "the grass is always greener" even though I'm sure you didn't mean it like that. I'm not transitioning because I'd prefer to be male but because of severe dysphoria which has nothing to do with other people and only to do with my brain and how I see myself, leaving my only option to transition to male.

 

[watereyes]

Ngl I think it's borderline transphobic to say "the grass is always greener" even though I'm sure you didn't mean it like that. I'm not transitioning because I'd prefer to be male but because of severe dysphoria which has nothing to do with other people and only to do with my brain and how I see myself, leaving my only option to transition to male.

No, I didn't mean to be transphobic, sorry. Just popped in my head because I thought of my situation. I'm sorry you're going through this. I suffer from gender dysphoria too, although its not too severe. It's like I'm stuck in between. Anyway I know I sound transphobic sometimes, I'm not, but I live in a family of transphobic people so I sometimes repeat what I hear..

 

[gnomeboy17]

No, I didn't mean to be transphobic, sorry. Just popped in my head because I thought of my situation. I'm sorry you're going through this. I suffer from gender dysphoria too, although its not too severe. It's like I'm stuck in between. Anyway I know I sound transphobic sometimes, I'm not, but I live in a family of transphobic people so I sometimes repeat what I hear..

Yeah I understand, it's fine. I know you didn't mean it in a bad way. Wishing you the best