Discussion Anyone here because of an accident/pain/disability

[TheAntidote87]

A few months ago I was a perfectly healthy young adult- weight lifting, sports, hiking, enjoying life every single day. I had a horrible time as a teen and in my early 20s. I worked super hard to turn my life around and over the past 3 years I got in great shape, started dating, got rid of anxiety and depression, graduated college, and was accepted into a top law school on a full scholarship. Everything was finally turning around. I genuinely woke up early everyday because I loved being alive. Well, three months ago a doctor made a mistake during a medical procedure and ruined my life. I had to stop doing any physical activity, leave law school, the girl I was talking to stopped talking to me, all my hobbies are gone, friends and family getting back to their lives, and I am left stuck on that fateful day. The worst thing about this whole thing is the pain and dysfunction are permanent and probably progressive. I have nothing anymore. I am in chronic pain and have weird symptoms all the time. I see no reason whatsoever to keep going as all my dreams and goals are suddenly unobtainable. It's a sick joke. I am wondering if anyone else is here due to disability or pain/illness?

 

[tryingtoescape]

I'm here because of an illness, tinnitus. I was already very mentally ill but the tinnitus exacerbated the mental illnesses. It's horrible that your life changed so much because of a mistake made during a medical procedure. I'm so sorry. It does feel like a sick joke. I have no options.

 

[WillOxyWork]

A few months ago I was a perfectly healthy young adult- weight lifting, sports, hiking, enjoying life every single day. I had a horrible time as a teen and in my early 20s. I worked super hard to turn my life around and over the past 3 years I got in great shape, started dating, got rid of anxiety and depression, graduated college, and was accepted into a top law school on a full scholarship. Everything was finally turning around. I genuinely woke up early everyday because I loved being alive. Well, three months ago a doctor made a mistake during a medical procedure and ruined my life. I had to stop doing any physical activity, leave law school, the girl I was talking to stopped talking to me, all my hobbies are gone, friends and family getting back to their lives, and I am left stuck on that fateful day. The worst thing about this whole thing is the pain and dysfunction are permanent and probably progressive. I have nothing anymore. I am in chronic pain and have weird symptoms all the time. I see no reason whatsoever to keep going as all my dreams and goals are suddenly unobtainable. It's a sick joke. I am wondering if anyone else is here due to disability or pain/illness?

What happened to you is the worst. I'm so sorry.

I can relate - I made a ton of progress with my anxiety and depression over the past 2 years, finally finished my undergrad, and got a scholarship to a masters program. Then, almost halfway through the program, I got an infection that required surgery, so I had to drop out and wait to resume it (I would resume in January if I'm still alive then).

About 10 weeks ago, I made a massive mistake and used a pressure washer without hearing protection, and it has permanently damaged my ears. I now have hyperacusis, reactive tinnitus, and visual snow syndrome. Everything fell apart with the onset of this, and I was so consumed by my agony that I was a dick to my SO and she left me for good.

I don't see a way forward with this illness. The only life ahead of me is one where I hide from sound constantly. My illness completely ruined my hobbies. And the worst part is knowing it was all my fault.

I'm here because of an illness, tinnitus. I was already very mentally ill but the tinnitus exacerbated the mental illnesses. It's horrible that your life changed so much because of a mistake made during a medical procedure. I'm so sorry. It does feel like a sick joke. I have no options.

Having mental illness before tinnitus feels like a death sentence sometimes. Tinnitus can make mentally healthy people depressed.

 

[TheAntidote87]

I'm here because of an illness, tinnitus. I was already very mentally ill but the tinnitus exacerbated the mental illnesses. It's horrible that your life changed so much because of a mistake made during a medical procedure. I'm so sorry. It does feel like a sick joke. I have no options.

Sorry to hear about your tinnitus. I have tinnitus too- it appeared randomly two years ago and no doctor was able to tell me why. I know it's been two years but I hope you get some relief. Elon Musk is cresting a device called neuralink that is supposed to cure tinnitus.

 

[Justcheckingout]

Yes, I'm in the same boat with a progressive nuerological illness. I want to go before it takes away all the things i love.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I know what it's like to go from being able to normally function to the state I am in now. Your situation sucks. Seems like you had it all for it to disappear. It made me sad that you said you would wake up early because you loved life so much. :(

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Yeah :(

 

[TheAntidote87]

What happened to you is the worst. I'm so sorry.

I can relate - I made a ton of progress with my anxiety and depression over the past 2 years, finally finished my undergrad, and got a scholarship to a masters program. Then, almost halfway through the program, I got an infection that required surgery, so I had to drop out and wait to resume it (I would resume in January if I'm still alive then).

About 10 weeks ago, I made a massive mistake and used a pressure washer without hearing protection, and it has permanently damaged my ears. I now have hyperacusis, reactive tinnitus, and visual snow syndrome. Everything fell apart with the onset of this, and I was so consumed by my agony that I was a dick to my SO and she left me for good.

I don't see a way forward with this illness. The only life ahead of me is one where I hide from sound constantly. My illness completely ruined my hobbies. And the worst part is knowing it was all my fault.

Having mental illness before tinnitus feels like a death sentence sometimes. Tinnitus can make mentally healthy people depressed.

Hey I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. It's so frustrating to have things going so well and then have the rug pulled out from underneath you. The doctors have told you this is permanent? I wrote this in another post but they are currently making a device that cures tinnitus..not sure how long away it is for use. But, I am sorry, your issues sound horrible and I can see how they would push you over the edge. Regret is the worse!! I am tortured with it everyday! But you didn't know this would happen!

 

[mellow]

I'm here because of a doctor's negligence. I have severe cognitive impairments from a neuroleptic medication I took 4 months ago. I don't want to die but feel I have no choice, I can't live this way. I don't feel ready. I'm 30 and my life was improving too. I was doing better than ever, starting to love myself and life. Now I can't function. It's a waking nightmare. I don't know how to go through with cbt but I know I need to because this is unacceptable

I'm so sorry this happened to you

 

[TheAntidote87]

Yes, I'm in the same boat with a progressive nuerological illness. I want to go before it takes away all the things i love.

Sorry to hear that It is a sick joke that these diseases exist.

I know what it's like to go from being able to normally function to the state I am in now. Your situation sucks. Seems like you had it all for it to disappear. It made me sad that you said you would wake up early because you loved life so much. :(

I know- it makes me cry too..I can't believe how fast things can change. I am really sorry that you also went from being healthy to unhealthy...life is so unfair.

Yeah :(

Sorry

I'm here because of a doctor's negligence. I have severe cognitive impairments from a neuroleptic medication I took 4 months ago. I don't want to die but feel I have no choice, I can't live this way. I don't feel ready. I'm 30 and my life was improving too. I was doing better than ever, starting to love myself and life. Now I can't function. It's a waking nightmare. I don't know how to go through with cbt but I know I need to because this is unacceptable

I'm so sorry this happened to you

Hey I am really sorry this happened. I have met a woman who had the same thing happen to her- it's completely awful. Are you sure it is permanent? I know there are cases where it eventually burns out. I don't want to CBT deep down either, but I am so miserable with these symptoms that I don't see another option. It sucks- but I completely get it. I just don't understand how so much negligence in the medical community flys under the radar.

 

[WillOxyWork]

Hey I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. It's so frustrating to have things going so well and then have the rug pulled out from underneath you. The doctors have told you this is permanent? I wrote this in another post but they are currently making a device that cures tinnitus..not sure how long away it is for use. But, I am sorry, your issues sound horrible and I can see how they would push you over the edge. Regret is the worse!! I am tortured with it everyday! But you didn't know this would happen!

Thanks, yeah the damage is permanent. Ears don't heal from noise damage.

 

[TheAntidote87]

Yes. If I could only move I could pull myself together.

Did you have an accident?

 

[esse_est_percipi]

a doctor made a mistake during a medical procedure and ruined my life

Do you mind me asking what happened?
It's fine if you don't want to say, and I'm not trying to be nosy.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

Im sorry what happened to you.

I was in a job I loved for 2 years. It was perfect fit for me. I lost it and incurred debt. Now I see myself for what I am. I can't work other jobs in the field because of either lack of experience or social skills needed. I'm unemployed now living with my parents and everyday is agony because I have anxiety over the day my parents will pass and I will be left alone with a real possibility of no home or family or friends. Then the real suffering starts.

 

[Kam59]

I was fine a couple of years ago .... now life wrecked by medical mistakes ..... I reinjured my back and was put on a drug called Mirtazapine , Side effects made me severely anxious and suicidal and I didn't realise it was drug side effects , told dr I felt worse but instead of switching he increased dose and I was on it for over a year . I thought anxiety was due to back injury and ended up having a back op , surgeon was immediately gone on sex charge ! He destroyed my pelvis , lower back and virtually unable to walk , can't be fixed as Drs say they can't see problem - my pelvis is twisted , tilted and fractured , spine degenerating and fractured , nerve damage legs . V v severe pain . Options v limited and deteriorating ....

 

[TAW122]

I mainly came here (originally) to look for methods as well as a community that accepts the pro-choice stance for suicide. No where else have I been able to have a community of like minded individuals who share similar sentiments, without censorship nor judgment, and able to freely talk about topics of suicide as well as method discussion without risk.

To answer the question though, I would have been here either way due to my wanting an out and finding some commonplace to talk about the things without censorship or risk. I do have Aspergers (formally diagnosed over a decade ago) and it has certainly wrecked havoc on my day to day life and just general existence. I would much rather be non-autistic than autistic and being treated like a child IRL.

 

[TheAntidote87]

Do you mind me asking what happened?
It's fine if you don't want to say, and I'm not trying to be nosy.

Hit my spine with a needle on accident causing nerve damage and autonomic dysfunction. The nerve damage is apparently progressive. I was a 3 sport athlete and in law school. Had to quit it all and basically home bound now. Don't want to die but my life is shattered

Im sorry what happened to you.

I was in a job I loved for 2 years. It was perfect fit for me. I lost it and incurred debt. Now I see myself for what I am. I can't work other jobs in the field because of either lack of experience or social skills needed. I'm unemployed now living with my parents and everyday is agony because I have anxiety over the day my parents will pass and I will be left alone with a real possibility of no home or family or friends. Then the real suffering starts.

Hey sorry to hear you lost the job you love. It's rough to dig yourself out of that hole when things keep piling on. Just a tip that's helped me- try not to torture yourself over future events or what ifs. Easier said than done...but..it's the only way not to drive yourself nuts

I was fine a couple of years ago .... now life wrecked by medical mistakes ..... I reinjured my back and was put on a drug called Mirtazapine , Side effects made me severely anxious and suicidal and I didn't realise it was drug side effects , told dr I felt worse but instead of switching he increased dose and I was on it for over a year . I thought anxiety was due to back injury and ended up having a back op , surgeon was immediately gone on sex charge ! He destroyed my pelvis , lower back and virtually unable to walk , can't be fixed as Drs say they can't see problem - my pelvis is twisted , tilted and fractured , spine degenerating and fractured , nerve damage legs . V v severe pain . Options v limited and deteriorating ....

Wow!! I am so sorry this happened to you. My eyes have really been opened to the incompetence and careless of a lot of doctors. It's shocking. Even more- you get stuff like this- where there is apparently no problem, except there is!!! It might because a doctor injured you so they are worried about liability. Really sorry this happened and I hope you are able to find some way forward.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Hit my spine with a needle on accident causing nerve damage and autonomic dysfunction. The nerve damage is apparently progressive. I was a 3 sport athlete and in law school. Had to quit it all and basically home bound now. Don't want to die but my life is shattered

Hey sorry to hear you lost the job you love. It's rough to dig yourself out of that hole when things keep piling on. Just a tip that's helped me- try not to torture yourself over future events or what ifs. Easier said than done...but..it's the only way not to drive yourself nuts

The doctor did this to you?
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I wish I could do something to help you.
I'm also having some physical problems but don't want to talk about it.
I feel my life is over.
Need to find a quick way to end it

 

[TheAntidote87]

Sorry to hear abkh

I mainly came here (originally) to look for methods as well as a community that accepts the pro-choice stance for suicide. No where else have I been able to have a community of like minded individuals who share similar sentiments, without censorship nor judgment, and able to freely talk about topics of suicide as well as method discussion without risk.

To answer the question though, I would have been here either way due to my wanting an out and finding some commonplace to talk about the things without censorship or risk. I do have Aspergers (formally diagnosed over a decade ago) and it has certainly wrecked havoc on my day to day life and just general existence. I would much rather be non-autistic than autistic and being treated like a child IRL.

that sounds really rough! It's not fair the things that are dumped on us unwillingly. No one should be treated like a child...despite anything that may be unique about them. I hope you are able to work through it. I know this shit sucks!!

The doctor did this to you?
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I wish I could do something to help you.
I'm also having some physical problems but don't want to talk about it.
I feel my life is over.
Need to find a quick way to end it

Yes an incompetent ER doctor! I was 100% healthy 4 months ago. It's okay- shit happens to all of us unfortunately- whether that be physical or mental. No worries if you don't want to talk about it. I completely understand the feeling and I feel the same. I am in no place to give mental advice but I have been reaching out to people who thought the same after physical problems and tragic accidents and they are at least giving me SOME hope. I'm personally trying to hang around for now, but it's really hard I know.

 

[wanttodie]

I'm here because of a Disability is part of way I want to end my life pleases a lot more

 

[endoftheroad22]

I'm in the same boat. I was perfectly healthy a few months ago and now have joint problems. My life feels like it might be ending.

 

[JellyDreams]

Im terminally ill with Cfs/Me lyme disease

I cant sleep the insomnia is f.. killing me

Im always in pain I cant bear this anymore,

Id give anything to be healthy in a wheelchair ANYTHING

Tomorrow id be the happiest man alive I cant take this anymore

 

[Linda]

Sorry to hear about your tinnitus. I have tinnitus too- it appeared randomly two years ago and no doctor was able to tell me why. I know it's been two years but I hope you get some relief. Elon Musk is cresting a device called neuralink that is supposed to cure tinnitus.

If it is just in one ear, and you also have some hearing loss in that ear, especially for high-pitched sounds, get checked to see whether you have a vestibular schwannoma. If it's in both ears, that certainly won't be the cause. If you have no hearing loss, even for high-pitched sounds, then a schwannoma is unlikely.

 

[Fedrea]

A few months ago I was a perfectly healthy young adult- weight lifting, sports, hiking, enjoying life every single day. I had a horrible time as a teen and in my early 20s. I worked super hard to turn my life around and over the past 3 years I got in great shape, started dating, got rid of anxiety and depression, graduated college, and was accepted into a top law school on a full scholarship. Everything was finally turning around. I genuinely woke up early everyday because I loved being alive. Well, three months ago a doctor made a mistake during a medical procedure and ruined my life. I had to stop doing any physical activity, leave law school, the girl I was talking to stopped talking to me, all my hobbies are gone, friends and family getting back to their lives, and I am left stuck on that fateful day. The worst thing about this whole thing is the pain and dysfunction are permanent and probably progressive. I have nothing anymore. I am in chronic pain and have weird symptoms all the time. I see no reason whatsoever to keep going as all my dreams and goals are suddenly unobtainable. It's a sick joke. I am wondering if anyone else is here due to disability or pain/illness?

Yes, me. The thing that started off my spiral of despair was a surgery that left me with pain and discomfort. The surgeon had harmed many others. However, the original symptoms from the surgery got much better over the years and the thing that has left me suicidal are all the other consequences, the long-term effects of bullying at work, relationships, mistakes I made as a consequence. The point being, your original symptoms may well improve. It took a couple of years from mine to get better. It feels like they never will get better but they can. And I honestly feel now that if the pain and discomfort has not caused so much bad luck in the rest of my life I would actually be okay now.

So please hang on and do not catch the bus yet because the symptoms from your surgery might get better. I never ever thought the original symptoms caused by my surgery would get so much better over the years but they did. Have you consulted any other doctors? Have you tried cannabis for the pain?

 

[Meditation guide]

There are several causes of tinnitis. Mine was probably caused by taking Ceftin, an antibiotic with that as a side effect.

If it is just in one ear,

Mine is worse on the left. I don't know why this is but I have never gotten decent diagnosis's from any doctors about anything.

When it started a long time ago, I went to a doctor who was supposed to be a great ear doctor and he made a guess that it was due to arthritis in my jaw on the left side. He said this since when I open my mouth wide I hear a crackling sound. He put a tuning fork on my jaw when I opened my mouth to feel for vibrations. So maybe he's right who knows. At the time I was young and didn't have arthritis anywhere.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm here because of bipolar, BPD, PTSD, anxiety, articulation issues (not being able to articulate myself well verbally), memory issues and processing issues

 

[TheAntidote87]

Yes, me. The thing that started off my spiral of despair was a surgery that left me with pain and discomfort. The surgeon had harmed many others. However, the original symptoms from the surgery got much better over the years and the thing that has left me suicidal are all the other consequences, the long-term effects of bullying at work, relationships, mistakes I made as a consequence. The point being, your original symptoms may well improve. It took a couple of years from mine to get better. It feels like they never will get better but they can. And I honestly feel now that if the pain and discomfort has not caused so much bad luck in the rest of my life I would actually be okay now.

So please hang on and do not catch the bus yet because the symptoms from your surgery might get better. I never ever thought the original symptoms caused by my surgery would get so much better over the years but they did. Have you consulted any other doctors? Have you tried cannabis for the pain?

Sorry to hear about your pain and the unfortunate fallout. It sucks that the original cause is gone but all the lingering issues are the problem now. If it isn't one thing it's another. I hope they get better but it's nerves and even my bladder is a bit messed up. Honestly, I can deal with the pain for the most part. It's the overwhelming fatigue because pain wears the body down. I used to go hard all the time..now I have like 4 good hours in a day. I have been to a few doctors and have an extensive lab workup and new MRIs scheduled this week. My friend also just mailed me some CBD/thc mixtures and I am trying to get a mmj card so I can buy patches and stuff. I'm really trying to hang in there. Thanks for the advice. I hope you're able to turn things around too.