Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,182
This is something I always struggled with
I read ana article about attachments in my psychology class. I realized that I have the "Fearful" attachment style. Someone who is afraid to be close to others but also seeks help. But because I am so fearful of it all I end up suffering more and having less access to help. a part that stood out to me, paraphrased, was "Children who could easily say how they feel 'I hate you' reflected that their parents created a secure sense of self in them to say how they feel. The parents themselves also validated their opinions causing these children to feel safe in expressing their thoughts. Meanwhile children in chaotic homes were less likely to say how they feel due to parents being abusive or dismissive"
Even on here, I can be that way. Afraid to be myself. Afraid to speak my mind because I anticipate the person I am talking to will disagree or hate me which = abuse in my mind. My mom and family never liberated my feelings. They only hurt and abused me for simply creating an identity. And with that I have so much shame. So much shame about my feelings, such as being fucking jealous of my roommates when they all had boyfriends in their freshmen year and I didn't. Feeling conflicted about my BFF at times to where I struggle to tell her and other people how I feel about their actions because I don't want them to leave me = being alone.
I don't feel I am strong enough to survive without them so I just choose to be comfortable. And in hindsight it is important to express your thoughts to see who is real. That's just a reality I am too afraid to visualize
I read ana article about attachments in my psychology class. I realized that I have the "Fearful" attachment style. Someone who is afraid to be close to others but also seeks help. But because I am so fearful of it all I end up suffering more and having less access to help. a part that stood out to me, paraphrased, was "Children who could easily say how they feel 'I hate you' reflected that their parents created a secure sense of self in them to say how they feel. The parents themselves also validated their opinions causing these children to feel safe in expressing their thoughts. Meanwhile children in chaotic homes were less likely to say how they feel due to parents being abusive or dismissive"
Even on here, I can be that way. Afraid to be myself. Afraid to speak my mind because I anticipate the person I am talking to will disagree or hate me which = abuse in my mind. My mom and family never liberated my feelings. They only hurt and abused me for simply creating an identity. And with that I have so much shame. So much shame about my feelings, such as being fucking jealous of my roommates when they all had boyfriends in their freshmen year and I didn't. Feeling conflicted about my BFF at times to where I struggle to tell her and other people how I feel about their actions because I don't want them to leave me = being alone.
I don't feel I am strong enough to survive without them so I just choose to be comfortable. And in hindsight it is important to express your thoughts to see who is real. That's just a reality I am too afraid to visualize