Venting anyone have anything they need to get off their chest? or just vent?

[devil]

i'm alone and bored and high
my thoughts aren't the best at the moment
i'm tired of talking about myself because i'm a piece of shit
i need a distraction
someone randomly vent about anything please

 

[not_a_robot]

@Dragon is great for this, he's always got a problem with Taco Bell or Wendy's that he needs to get off his chest...

 

[explsionsinthesky]

i fucking hate my parents for hurting me so much, i hate them for invalidating every feeling i have. and calling me crazy every time i show emotion, telling me that my suicide attempt was an act of betrayal. for making me hate myself even more, for making me feel like more of a burden. for tracking my location constantly, for not letting me do what i want with my life. for judging everyone by money and academic credentials. for only caring about money thinking money is happiness.
and again, for calling me crazy whenever i cry. looking at me in disgust when i cry, not listening to what i say saying i don't make sense and that i sound crazy. saying i need to be sent back to the mental hospital. when they were supposed to teach me as a child how to express my emotions, they didn't and invalidated my feelings. they ignored my cries for help when i was 13 when i was depressed all the time. they laughed and said it was puberty. i tried so many times. i said i might have an eating disorder, they said me too, eating is so hard for me haha!!
but i love them. im thankful for them. i don't know what to fucking feel.

and i hate myself for keep hurting my boyfriend. for bringing so much of my drama and shit on him. how im constantly sad and easily taken down, easily depressed for the day because of every little thing. im not resilient and he has to deal with it. and im sorry. he deserves better. he deserves someone who can give him what he needs. im constantly afraid of losing him. our ambitions and cultures don't align. but i love him.and he says he loves me, and will always. but i dont believe him. because who would love someone like me indefinitely? that's actually fucking hilarious. i dont even love myself.
silly boy, he's wasting his time with me. don't worry, i'll leave soon so he can move on to someone actually worth loving and taking care of.
i love him to death, literally, but he scares me. he has passionate, strong feelings against a lot of things i want to do and if i want to follow my own ambitions he translates that to me not prioritizing him = not loving him as much as he does, and says if i dont spend much time with him he'd leave because it wont be a relationship. so im given this weird choice and im too tired to deal with it.
i choose not to.

 

[not_a_robot]

i fucking hate my parents for hurting me so much, i hate them for invalidating every feeling i have. and calling me crazy every time i show emotion, telling me that my suicide attempt was an act of betrayal. for making me hate myself even more, for making me feel like more of a burden. for tracking my location constantly, for not letting me do what i want with my life. for judging everyone by money and academic credentials. for only caring about money thinking money is happiness.
and again, for calling me crazy whenever i cry. looking at me in disgust when i cry, not listening to what i say saying i don't make sense and that i sound crazy. saying i need to be sent back to the mental hospital. when they were supposed to teach me as a child how to express my emotions, they didn't and invalidated my feelings. they ignored my cries for help when i was 13 when i was depressed all the time. they laughed and said it was puberty. i tried so many times. i said i might have an eating disorder, they said me too, eating is so hard for me haha!!
but i love them. im thankful for them. i don't know what to fucking feel.

and i hate myself for keep hurting my boyfriend. for bringing so much of my drama and shit on him. how im constantly sad and easily taken down, easily depressed for the day because of every little thing. im not resilient and he has to deal with it. and im sorry. he deserves better. he deserves someone who can give him what he needs. im constantly afraid of losing him. our ambitions and cultures don't align. but i love him.and he says he loves me, and will always. but i dont believe him. because who would love someone like me indefinitely? that's actually fucking hilarious. i dont even love myself.
silly boy, he's wasting his time with me. don't worry, i'll leave soon so he can move on to someone actually worth loving and taking care of.
i love him to death, literally, but he scares me. he has passionate, strong feelings against a lot of things i want to do and if i want to follow my own ambitions he translates that to me not prioritizing him = not loving him as much as he does, and says if i dont spend much time with him he'd leave because it wont be a relationship. so im given this weird choice and im too tired to deal with it.
i choose not to.

Omg. I think I might've met your parents, they sound an awful lot like my therapists. Their names aren't Ed and Clarissa, by chance?
;)

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Okay. This happened a few minutes ago and I'm really needing to get this off my chest to someone with sense.
I'm so f****** tired of my parents praising my younger brother for his problematic behavior and stupidity. I spent years trying to make him the first decent person of the family and they ruined everything I did. I simply can't reprehend him when he does something wrong such as calling someone ugly, dumb, fat, or when he says an innapropriate word like everyone else in the house (except me) does or I'm yelled at because "he's just 9 years old". Every time I say something for his own good he tells me to go to hell or shut up and I can't snap back. He is also incredibly annoying all the time to everyone and he is incredibly stupid and dependent for his age. He still can't go to the bathroom alone, still carries a dirty piece of tissue everywhere for some stupid reason and barely knows how to write, and I'm not allowed to say anything about it! He is also becoming very spoiled and hard to control, and worst of all he's becoming a religious fanatic despite my attempts to save him from brainwashing. I just can't stand how my parents are ruining my brother! He wasn't supposed to be like this! Agh! Turning kids into monsters shouldn't be allowed! I hate my parents!

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Fuck this planet. I want off

 

[not_a_robot]

ok I have some ridiculous boobs I'd *love* to get off my chest if anyone has the some sharp instruments and anaesthetic. I might even want to live if I could get rid of them, they ruined my fucking life. I can't ask doctors
for anything because they tried to maim/kill me too many times. I would trust an unqualified stranger to treat me better than any doctor ever will.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Well i had this situation with a "friend" with borderline (if they do their therapy they can get better) and she was upset because i did not go to an event but got worse when she saw someone she knew working with my bf. She could not attack the guy directly so she went against me harassing with 15 phone calls, insults and that for 3 or 4 days.
If you now psychopaths or sociopaths.....is kinda similar, whatever you told her she would twist it, she can say that you are a bad person because you know she is bpd and that you should know how to deal with the verbal abuse.....¿?
And lies a lot, don't care treating herself and she is never at fault, everyone is.

 

[not_a_robot]

I need the boobs off me chest! I am suffocating all my life, I HATE THEM!

that is all.

 

[Kuolema]

Saw a new psychiatrist today. She probed me for 2 hours and I gave her more information about myself than I wanted to give. She thinks I'm bipolar and wants me to go on lithium. I want to ctb more than ever.

 

[Dragon]

I was thinking of taking this shirt off. It's getting pretty hot. Only 5am too!

 

[Tortured_empath]

My body dosen't want to live or to kill itself. What the fuck is wrong with me.

 

[explsionsinthesky]

Omg. I think I might've met your parents, they sound an awful lot like my therapists. Their names aren't Ed and Clarissa, by chance?
;)

haha nope. they wouldn't be therapists, that's not a rich job!!! lmfao. thats how they are

 

[waived]

"Happy" EDM/techno/rave.




Fuck off.

 

[lostangel]

Nobody gives a fuck thats it. I have nothing else to say. They only want to help so they can feel good about themselves. ( I tried to cheer someone up when they were about to ctb and that made me feel good about myself that I ''helped'' someone) But in reality it just made them suffer more

 

[Tabbyql]

I'm so tired of everything, tired of constantly being on edge 24/7. Tired of me. I cannot carry on like this. I just can't meh meh meh

 

[inconsequential]

I can feel my spine radiating through my chest and this is arguably unfair. Sure, I've been a shitty person at times, but really? Fucking ow. Pain meds don't touch this.

Also, echoing @not_a_robot, please remove the boobs from my chest.

 

[devil]

My body dosen't want to live or to kill itself. What the fuck is wrong with me.

I feel the exact same way

 

[GinaIsReady]

Saw a new psychiatrist today. She probed me for 2 hours and I gave her more information about myself than I wanted to give. She thinks I'm bipolar and wants me to go on lithium. I want to ctb more than ever.

I would question that diagnosis. She only spoke with you for 2 hours? Fuck that.

 

[not_a_robot]

I feel the exact same way

Kurt Vonnegut wrote a line of almost
exactly this in Breakfast of Champions, I will try to find it for you.
That book made me feel so much better, I can hardly describe it.

 

[not_a_robot]

I would question that diagnosis. She only spoke with you for 2 hours? Fuck that.

yep, pretty standard boilerplate.
next comes bpd...

 

[Life sucks]

I have many problems and I don't know which one to talk about. I think I'll just say life sucks because life from abstract point of view really sucks.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I'm tired of being in limbo.

 

[262653]

I'm not interested. In role-playing video games I was always doing side quests first while leaving the main quest for the dessert. Because after you complete the main quest the journey is over. If you enjoy the game, then it makes sense to 'experience it fully'. But I don't. I was toying around with side quests for too long already. I can't watch a movie, or read a poem, or play games without thinking about the ultimate goal. Feeding feels counterintuitive, cleaning is so much effort...
What's the point of hurrying when death is inevitable? What's the point of getting your freedom now when you can wait 2, 5, 10, 20, 40 more years?
It's not like "get me out of here!", "gods, I'm so tired...", "when it's going to end?", "I wish I was dead."
More like "who if not me?", "how if not by my incentive?", "what kind of positive change I can hope for if I won't take responsibility for my own life, if I won't apply any effort towards fulfilling my goal?".
I'm unsatisfied + I'm not doing anything about it = I will likely to remain unsatisfied

I don't know how to describe this feeling. I'd say it's regret but that doesn't make any sense to me... But that's emotions for you.
I feel regret devoting my time and effort to videogames. But when I think about it... could it turn out anyhow different?
Do you know that feeling when you develop player character in a CRPG for the first time only to discover how its development was screwed up beyond repair and create a new one afterwards? That's the feel. But I would be delusional to think its too late since I'm young and have so much to live for.

I'll take a respite soon and wake up around the afternoon to think that it's not so important and will dive into more side quests... yet again.

I feel insulted. Its wonderful to feel. Recognizing the wrongdoing is a crucial step towards reacting to the wrongdoing.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Ugh... I just spent two hours writing a very big and complicated post for answering the thread asking if I think the world owes me something and I just can't post it because I'm not sure if it would make any sense to people reading it. This would not be the first time I'd try to explain my thoughts and people would say something like "dude, wtf are you talking about?". I don't understand how I can love philosophy so much if I can't even make an argument explaining why I believe that opinion X is right and opinion Y is wrong. I HATE MY BRAIN!

 

[dandan]

what the fuck? yesterday I found a small restaurant serving corn on uber eats, damm, they are selling corn haha
what the hell, I mean you take a bag of corn, you microwave it, they put mayonaise and chilli, and then send the uber eats motorcycle to your house, wtf
so you get the same corn you can make in your microwave for 10x the price

damm, thats new era bullshit business

im failing at my job, damm, I am so behind I can get a warning soon, hahaha fuck , this really screw me up, I need money to pay the rent
hate it when I had the complete chance to be a millionaire

so I have N in my refrigerator.... any one else here has N in their house?
yesterday night I had my mind going through so much shit thinking
there's nothing external that can change how am I functioning in this world
not a new book new movie new car, more money (Although money is welcome because it can help trigger other changes)
no nothing external
im looking for something internal

I like caring for someone, at least couple hours couple days weeks, until I realize I cant do it anymore
that I need to take care of myself

I continue finding and looking for a way to be better, cant help it, even when im so fucking down, looking to ctb is a way of getting better

 

[Empty Smile]

ok I have some ridiculous boobs I'd *love* to get off my chest if anyone has the some sharp instruments and anaesthetic. I might even want to live if I could get rid of them, they ruined my fucking life. I can't ask doctors
for anything because they tried to maim/kill me too many times. I would trust an unqualified stranger to treat me better than any doctor ever will.

I can't promise it won't hurt, but bring a bottle of whiskey, and I'll bring the dull knife.


P.S. The whiskey is for me. Do you really think I could do this sober? :)

 

[RM5998]

I'm not interested. In role-playing video games I was always doing side quests first while leaving the main quest for the dessert. Because after you complete the main quest the journey is over. If you enjoy the game, then it makes sense to 'experience it fully'. But I don't. I was toying around with side quests for too long already. I can't watch a movie, or read a poem, or play games without thinking about the ultimate goal. Feeding feels counterintuitive, cleaning is so much effort...
What's the point of hurrying when death is inevitable? What's the point of getting your freedom now when you can wait 2, 5, 10, 20, 40 more years?
It's not like "get me out of here!", "gods, I'm so tired...", "when it's going to end?", "I wish I was dead."
More like "who if not me?", "how if not by my incentive?", "what kind of positive change I can hope for if I won't take responsibility for my own life, if I won't apply any effort towards fulfilling my goal?".
I'm unsatisfied + I'm not doing anything about it = I will likely to remain unsatisfied

I don't know how to describe this feeling. I'd say it's regret but that doesn't make any sense to me... But that's emotions for you.
I feel regret devoting my time and effort to videogames. But when I think about it... could it turn out anyhow different?
Do you know that feeling when you develop player character in a CRPG for the first time only to discover how its development was screwed up beyond repair and create a new one afterwards? That's the feel. But I would be delusional to think its too late since I'm young and have so much to live for.

I'll take a respite soon and wake up around the afternoon to think that it's not so important and will dive into more side quests... yet again.

I feel insulted. Its wonderful to feel. Recognizing the wrongdoing is a crucial step towards reacting to the wrongdoing.

There's a quote that Mark Kermode keeps referring to in his movie reviews - "The great movies give you what you put into them." (I'm paraphrasing here because I can't find the actual quote.)
When you're playing a game, you're the only person who gets to contextualize it. The story ends when it does, but you get to derive whatever you want from it. The beauty of stories lies in what you manage to glean from them. In how they can give you a new perspective you may have never seen before.
There's a lot of great media out there that analyzes the way we consume media, and how it shapes our understanding of the world. BoJack Horseman is a good look at how stories shape our understanding of life, and ICEY and Automata are excellent at laying the construct of a video game bare for it to be deconstructed.

 

[akita]

Nothing makes me feel alive anymore. And I mean nothing.
Tried sex last night. Felt nothing, like I was a void the entire time. Tried drugs this morning. I'm high and yet I still feel nothing.
Went to the hospital last week and sweet talked my way out. The only thing I'm good for is being fake. Lol
I need to ctb.

 

[dandan]

Nothing makes me feel alive anymore. And I mean nothing.
Tried sex last night. Felt nothing, like I was a void the entire time. Tried drugs this morning. I'm high and yet I still feel nothing.
Went to the hospital last week and sweet talked my way out. The only thing I'm good for is being fake. Lol
I need to ctb.

damm, really, you high this morning? I would ask with what?
but high and feeling nothing? seems like weed

I know im looking to get better, to live life, and I know whatever im looking for, its inside of me....
like many songs and book say: look inside of you

but I dont know what exactly im looking for, or how to look.... damm haha almost 25 years in the process, im 37years old now