Anyone from STEM fields?

[Nuclear Gandhi]

I guess the title is self-explanatory. I am studying neuroscience and always wanted to become a scientist. But due to my mental health I feel like it's becoming less and less possible for me. My cognitive abilities and memory are a complete mess.
Would love to hear perspectives and stories of others. How do you cope? Have you ever thought of career change?

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Hey Nuclear,

I study pure maths and computer science (undergraduate) and I really enjoy it. Besides my studies, I was very active in our faculty's student society, organising hackathons, industry events, etc. I'm a casual tutor for first year students, and I am also partaking in a research project at my uni in a particular area that fascinates me and I want to pursue.

Since the tragedies in my life happened earlier this year it has been very difficult to concentrate on anything. I used to have big goals but I have no interest achieving those things anymore.

I went from being a high achiever to rotting alone in my room in the span of a few months. I have been to therapy and I am still very suicidal.

I know it sounds like my life is fine and I have a future, but I have lost almost all my energy to keep pushing through these grueling days.

I plan to kill myself before the year ends.

What is your situation with your mental health, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[HelensNepenthe]

STEM student here with a focus in cyber security.

> Would love to hear perspectives and stories of others. How do you cope? Have you ever thought of career change?

Initially my goal was to go in for teaching. I have a strong understanding of knowing both Korean and Japanese at a moderate level with some proficiency tests on my belt. Becoming a TEFL teacher has always been an interest. Yet I was talked into not pursuing this path from my parents who ultimately decided on my major. It is a little late into my BA program to consider changing, including some certifications I've picked up along the way too.

I'm a couple months short from my bus ride. This year will be the last of me. There are varying reasons that are not limited to:

1. Gender dysphoria
2. Chronic pain
3. Mental health

Number one will never be addressed. I would never be satisfied if I were to transition. I will die as someone who I do not identify with. My chronic pain varies day-by-day with no consistency. Addressing my mental health problems is a lost cause. The amount of pain that has been lent to me is too much to recover from. Most of that pain was nothing that I had control of.



^ ^ ^

Relatable song for the very situation that I've been suffering from the last seven months. That has been a substantial blow to my recovery. There was a time I was not actively engaging on this forum yet I'm back!

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

Hey Nuclear,

I study pure maths and computer science (undergraduate) and I really enjoy it. Besides my studies, I was very active in our faculty's student society, organising hackathons, industry events, etc. I'm a casual tutor for first year students, and I am also partaking in a research project at my uni in a particular area that fascinates me and I want to pursue.

Since the tragedies in my life happened earlier this year it has been very difficult to concentrate on anything. I used to have big goals but I have no interest achieving those things anymore.

I went from being a high achiever to rotting alone in my room in the span of a few months. I have been to therapy and I am still very suicidal.

I know it sounds like my life is fine and I have a future, but I have lost almost all my energy to keep pushing through these grueling days.

I plan to kill myself before the year ends.

What is your situation with your mental health, if you don't mind me asking?

Hello! Thank you for your reply. I can relate deeply to the situation you described and I am sorry you are going through so much struggles.
I also used to be so interesting in my field of study, I had my project, I planned experiments. I loved science because it was not a job, but a form of art, possibility of learning just tiny bit more about world surrounding us. Even when my idealism crushed against grim realities of state of science in my country, I still had motivation to move forward.
Now I lost all my interest completely. I don't care about anything. Waking up, eating, distracting myself from suicidal thoughts using the simplest information, going to sleep.
What worse that I am actively sabotaging my studies because of that. It makes me so anxious and just paralyzed it this state of mind.
In no way, shape or form I am discouraging you from making your choices (about CBT). I just wish we both could regain our passion and heal. Sending you support and hugs!

STEM student here with a focus in cyber security.

> Would love to hear perspectives and stories of others. How do you cope? Have you ever thought of career change?

Initially my goal was to go in for teaching. I have a strong understanding of knowing both Korean and Japanese at a moderate level with some proficiency tests on my belt. Becoming a TEFL teacher has always been an interest. Yet I was talked into not pursuing this path from my parents who ultimately decided on my major. It is a little late into my BA program to consider changing, including some certifications I've picked up along the way too.

I'm a couple months short from my bus ride. This year will be the last of me. There are varying reasons that are not limited to:

1. Gender dysphoria
2. Chronic pain
3. Mental health

Number one will never be addressed. I would never be satisfied if I were to transition. I will die as someone who I do not identify with. My chronic pain varies day-by-day with no consistency. Addressing my mental health problems is a lost cause. The amount of pain that has been lent to me is too much to recover from. Most of that pain was nothing that I had control of.



^ ^ ^

Relatable song for the very situation that I've been suffering from the last seven months. That has been a substantial blow to my recovery. There was a time I was not actively engaging on this forum yet I'm back!

Thank you for sharing this. I am astonished at how much pain you are experiencing on day to day basis. I am very sorry about it.
Being pushed into career you have no interest already sounds pretty bad. Especially if there was another subject that was more your passion. But other point you've mentioned are even heavier.
I don't want to disrespect your boundaries on the subject of transitioning, so I won't discuss it if you are uncomfortable. Besides, I am sure I have nothing useful to say anyway - as a cis person.
You have mentioned that you were on the road of recovery. Have you relapsed recently because of those issues? We're you suicidal before?
I am wishing you to be free from suffering and find peace in life or death. Thank you for reply and beautiful song.

 

[Lethe]

I studied Biology in college, I enjoyed it a lot. But I only studied it because I enjoyed it, never thought ahead to making a career out of it. I've had thoughts about going back for my Master's, but I don't think I could with my current state of mental health.

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

I studied Biology in college, I enjoyed it a lot. But I only studied it because I enjoyed it, never thought ahead to making a career out of it. I've had thoughts about going back for my Master's, but I don't think I could with my current state of mental health.

Fellow biologist, sorry we are meeting at this circumstances! I am now doing my Master's and failing miserably because of my mental issues, so I understand you completely. What is your favourite field in biology, what interests you the most?

 

[Squiddy]

I wanna go into the field of computer science and eventually become either a programmer or video game designer

 

[disconnection]

Hey, I'm another one! Did a degree in biochemistry and started two PhDs, both of which I quit due to mental health problems. Long time ago now. Also did a psychology masters later - academically managed fine again during the course - but my mental health in research jobs after that steadily disclined again. I'm currently stuck having had over a year off sick from two jobs (where I branched out into more practical mental health roles, big mistake) and am now unemployed. My mental health just plummeted last year again to the worst its ever been. Reflecting on it I seem to have some sort of mental block when it comes to linking theory and practice - stuff just doesn't *compute* somehow. Not made for the real world I've decided. So sorry that you and others are experiencing similar. It sucks I know. ♥

 

[Lethe]

Fellow biologist, sorry we are meeting at this circumstances! I am now doing my Master's and failing miserably because of my mental issues, so I understand you completely. What is your favourite field in biology, what interests you the most?

Sorry to hear that you're struggling with your Master's :(

My interests change every few years. Right now it's mycology. It's a hobby I can do at home to keep my mind a bit occupied at least.

 

[cosmonaut]

Would love to hear perspectives and stories of others. How do you cope? Have you ever thought of career change?

Hi Nuclear
I'm pursuing a degree in civil/environmental engineering right now. Because of my mental health, and because I'm so wishy-washy, I've changed degree programs maybe 4 or 5 times - and I've transferred schools a few times as well. Failed chem, got a few Cs in others because of horrible health anxiety. I'm having trouble coping and I feel isolated at college, especially after I had a health scare. I feel way behind my peers sometimes.
I mostly cope with art and working fun jobs in the meantime. Also, getting to know my classmates helps because a lot of them feel the same stress I do.

 

[Sayo]

I was also studying neuro (+ some other health related stuff) and had to stop due to the state of my physical and mental health.