MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
I don't mean as in an eating disorder kind of way- I had them when I was younger but pretty much grew out them and learned to love food & enjoyed cooking a lot. But since I have a strong desire to ctb, it feels like such a weird thing to be doing- to carry out one of the most fundamental human needs in order to survive- and yet of course I know it would not be a realistic way or nice way to ctb- to starve - would obvs take a very long time/ painful/ more likely to be hospitalised wayyyy before I could- also at the end of the day I do still feel hunger & eating is a very short lived distraction from my thoughts- yet it feels like an such an odd thing to do now - to be feeding my body- even though I want to die- that and also nothing even tastes good now - as I have lost pleasure in all activities - it's a horrible feeling- just to be feeding my body- for what feels like no good reason at all, same with the thought of exercise or doing anything like that- prob why I dont mind chain smoking now-where I had previously almost given up & was quite a healthy person.
Last edited: