Discussion Anyone feel cold and distant from those they love?

[Thanatos]

I have been close to ctb and will be soon so maybe that plays a factor. I do love them it's just that I basically feel nothing currently

 

[BangBangBang]

Yes.
My family and friends feel like strangers to me. I can't relate to them and their problems anymore.

 

[mybodymychoice]

Yup, i know the feeling. I feel so disconnected from life. Just going through the motions of everyday life. Like a zombie. Just doing what i have to to get through the day. Walking dead.

 

[Élégie]

Yup, i know the feeling. I feel so disconnected from life. Just going through the motions of everyday life. Like a zombie. Just doing what i have to to get through the day. Walking dead.

Same here. It's a very strange feeling.

 

[SlackJim]

distant and detached. sometimes I feel dissociated from my body like I'm viewing life through a lens, just watching. Strange because when I'm well I'm incredibly empathetic

 

[Rachel74]

Very detached, it really is sad x

 

[k75]

I am very detached right now. I'm not sure why it happened. It wasn't a conscious decision. But something has caused a major disconnect. I think it might be a way my mind is trying to protect me from my decision to ctb.

I used to think feeling like this would make things easier, but it doesn't. Instead, it makes me feel more depressed and hopeless, because I know I love these people deeply and I know that feeling is missing.

I think it's the worst with my son. When I think of him right now, I feel as attached as I would with an acquaintance. This makes me feel so much guilt, because I know somehow I'm just not accessing my true feelings. But I feel like I've failed him. What kind of mother am I when I can't feel? Admitting this makes it so much worse.

I'm operating out of habit. I have to tell myself how I feel about the people I'm dealing with and act accordingly. I feel like a fraud. And a liar. My whole life is a lie. I say "I love you" because I know I do, but I can't actually feel it.

 

[woxihuanni]

I feel deeply connected to many people. It's my ex partner who deliberately disconnected from their feelings, thereby preparing this unnecessarily fatal state of affairs. Don't know if they will come out of it with a jerk or sink deeper into it once I do a smurf.

 

[needtogonow]

I am very detached right now. I'm not sure why it happened. It wasn't a conscious decision. But something has caused a major disconnect. I think it might be a way my mind is trying to protect me from my decision to ctb.

I used to think feeling like this would make things easier, but it doesn't. Instead, it makes me feel more depressed and hopeless, because I know I love these people deeply and I know that feeling is missing.

I think it's the worst with my son. When I think of him right now, I feel as attached as I would with an acquaintance. This makes me feel so much guilt, because I know somehow I'm just not accessing my true feelings. But I feel like I've failed him. What kind of mother am I when I can't feel? Admitting this makes it so much worse.

I'm operating out of habit. I have to tell myself how I feel about the people I'm dealing with and act accordingly. I feel like a fraud. And a liar. My whole life is a lie. I say "I love you" because I know I do, but I can't actually feel it.

I don't believe that you're a bad mother because you can't feel. I think you're extremely brave for admitting it, and very insightful to understand that those aren't your true feelings. I would suggest that you honor the self that loves him so much, the self that you can't access right now, and pretend to have those feelings for him. That way if you ctb, he will have no idea that you felt disattached. I also hope that you are able to feel better and stronger. I am sending you thoughts of strength.

 

[Empty Smile]

Yes.
My family and friends feel like strangers to me. I can't relate to them and their problems anymore.

This. Anymore when I see family, it's like I don't even know them. It's kind of surreal, especially when you've known them your entire life.

 

[k75]

I don't believe that you're a bad mother because you can't feel. I think you're extremely brave for admitting it, and very insightful to understand that those aren't your true feelings. I would suggest that you honor the self that loves him so much, the self that you can't access right now, and pretend to have those feelings for him. That way if you ctb, he will have no idea that you felt disattached. I also hope that you are able to feel better and stronger. I am sending you thoughts of strength.

Thank you. I really needed to hear that.

I'm taking a lot of care to make sure nobody knows I'm feeling like this. I'm maybe sacrificing some possible support, but I think it would hurt if they suspected. I don't want to hurt anyone more than I'm already going to.

 

[needtogonow]

Thank you. I really needed to hear that.

I'm taking a lot of care to make sure nobody knows I'm feeling like this. I'm maybe sacrificing some possible support, but I think it would hurt if they suspected. I don't want to hurt anyone more than I'm already going to.

I think that's a smart move. Why cause more pain? And you can always tell us here the truth, most of the people on this forum understand all too well the level of your anguish.

Also, for what it's worth, I don't think you're a fraud or a liar. I think you're adhering to a deeper integrity which is to protect the people in your life from hurt. I have a lot of respect for your strength and bravery. The underground spring of love you truly feel for your son will come back, I believe that. It's just buried is all.

 

[Blackjack]

I've purposely emotionally distanced myself from my loved ones because the guilt is excruciating. I text my kids & a few close/family-friends but I don't allow visitors. Making eye contact w/my youngest son is gut wrenching. The guilt over how crushed my loved ones will be 2 weeks from today is unquantifiable.

 

[LastFlowers]

Yes. We are living on different sides of life, besides I'm basically invisible to them. They have things and people they care about more than me. I'm just stuck in place, suffering, and forced to watch.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I have been close to ctb and will be soon so maybe that plays a factor. I do love them it's just that I basically feel nothing currently

Only the ones who treated me like shit, and had negative reactions to my meltdown trauma of last summer... I tell you, a suicide attempt and PTSD will really show you who your friends really are! Those who supported me & stick by my side, get my honor..
But fuck the rest.....

 

[darkworld15]

"I tell you, a suicide attempt and PTSD will really show you who your friends really are!"
Yep. I learned that when other bad situations hit me. False friends disappear real fast when you need emotional support.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Absolutely. Idk if it's your minds way of preparing you for the end or what.

 

[Larez]

Yes. We are living on different sides of life, besides I'm basically invisible to them. They have things and people they care about more than me. I'm just stuck in place, suffering, and forced to watch.

Very true. There's also the knowledge that they have more important matters to attend to. They might have you in the back of their mind if you've ever exposed your fucked up side to them, but life still goes on and you just feel absolutely useless to them no matter what.

I basically avoid my family whenever I can even though I should create a more positive image of myself. I just don't feel like I belong at all, being the weakest of the pack. Throughout the last year I lost anything left from my ability to connect, so uh...yeah.

 

[lightsoutnow]

I'm operating out of habit. I have to tell myself how I feel about the people I'm dealing with and act accordingly. I feel like a fraud. And a liar. My whole life is a lie. I say "I love you" because I know I do, but I can't actually feel it.

I'm the same. My responses and behaviour are on autopilot and it looks like I'm reacting naturally but I don't feel or live those experiences.

a few people know I'm suicidal but they have their own lives to lead and i stopped trying to reach out so it seems i'll disappear quietly from here, which works fine for me

 

[Exitforme]

It is sad for me because my loved ones do not believe I am sick as I am not bleeding my lungs out in hospital. They do not understand that some pain is invisible so I have isolated myself completely.

 

[fettuccinee]

I'm detaching myself slowly, just a lot of people where I am don't understand what I have to go through.

 

[Pistolero114]

Yes. And when it's your daughters it sucks twice as bad.

 

[stellabelle]

Oh absolutely. I feel isolated from everything else on an island in the middle of the ocean with the occasional ship passing by and I "wave". I feel withdrawn. I have a life partner and I can still feel love there, but I'm holding back when I'm having problems and that's why I want to get into sessions twice a week instead of once a week, so I can deal with this. He's all I've ever had and while I don't necessarily feel it toward him, I do toward much of everything else.

 

[Littleone]

I feel like a fraud. And a liar. My whole life is a lie. I say "I love you" because I know I do, but I can't actually feel it.

Dear @k75, sometimes I feel exactly the dame towards my son. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from life that it scares me. I wonder if it will come a day when I feel real things again.

 

[Mizzmini45]

I only have one person I consider family and shes starting to hate me. I guess im on my own now :(

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I wish that I could feel detached, I'm sure about my decision but the thought of how my loved ones would feel and that they'd need to catch the airplane to see my body hits me so fucking hard

 

[Mr2005]

I don't want to get attached, makes it harder

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Very. Utterly alone.

 

[Moonicide]

Yes. The thing is my loved ones noticed it and questioned me about it. It broke my heart... They were like, "Did I do something wrong?" And I said, "No, of course not. Why would you think that?" , "Because you've been distant." That's when I knew I couldn't keep pulling away and will continue to fake it until I ctb. I know my departure will bring lots of pain to others, but I hope I can make a few more good memories with them until then.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

As I detach, others are detaching from me in a macabre but necessary dance.