Idk. It's been weird af. I definitely needed help, but I've now been under surveillance for most of my life (it will never end at this point). I hate everyone, including all of you. All I know, and all I want to know is hate lol
My mom was busy with being a dysfunctional alcoholic who was doing her own thing and living her life, so she never really cared about what her kids did. My dad was pretty controlling and would be survailing everything I did though, I just got used to it and thought that was normal.
Did he put cameras in your room? Are you under surveillance for life? I'd rather be in a warzone or some shit. At least I'd feel some real adrenaline and life inside of me.
Sorry your mom was an alcoholic. Addiction seems like a nightmare, and even worse for those dependent on them.
I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling, but I understand.
I got into drugs real young and was talking to older people so I was cut off from the world too. Some of it I'm thankful, some of it perpetuated destructive mechanisms I still have to this day.
I hope you're well, and though this is going to be annoying to hear, I hope this time under surveillance isn't for naught and you can some point be healthy.
It'd be a shame to be that restricted, still feel pain, perpetuate pain through alienation and lockdowns, then go CTB whenever it comes into town.
I'm here for you and rooting for you.
*edit: I don't want you to feel that I'm trying to use your problem to talk about me or invalidate your individual situation. Just relating to you as much as 2 different people can.
I got into drugs real young and was talking to older people so I was cut off from the world too. Some of it I'm thankful, some of it perpetuated destructive mechanisms I still have to this day.
I hope you're well, and though this is going to be annoying to hear, I hope this time under surveillance isn't for naught and you can some point be healthy.
It'd be a shame to be that restricted, still feel pain, perpetuate pain through alienation and lockdowns, then go CTB whenever it comes into town.
I'm here for you and rooting for you.
*edit: I don't want you to feel that I'm trying to use your problem to talk about me or invalidate your individual situation. Just relating to you as much as 2 different people can.
I'm not under any surveillance now other than the fact I got a mom who's still an alcoholic, but who's developed a stalking habit so she stalks me and my apartment often, feels very uncomfortable and creepy since I thought this stuff would end once I became and adult and even weider because she never had an interest in stalking me or in me at all until I became an adult. She's kinda behaving the way my dad did when I was a kid, doesn't make much sense to me since I'm an independant adult now.
As far as I know? Nobody put any cameras in my room, I was just locked into a basement in my youngest years. Eventually I got a phone when I was 6, my dad would use the phone to check everything I did and who I was texting to and control how much I could talk to my own family members. He'd also use the phone to call me every day for 2 hours to ask about every single thing I did that day if I was in my mom's house and he'd demand me to tell everything about my mom too. Idk, my dads house was in the middle of nowhere so guess there was no need for camera surveillance, he just made his wife watch me 24/7 and stuff, it was pretty terrible.
My dad and his wife would sit around outside my school and watch me when I was living with my mom and try to kidnap me a few times too. Idk if they used any cameras though for that. Wouldn't be surprised.
It's a permanent situation, and it was never really my fault. I'm not even really in pain, it's the lack of emotions from being dead inside that make me want to end everything.
I'm sorry to hear that, friend. I truly am. Still rooting for you and whatever options you decide on.
Be well in the meantime and I'm sure I'll be pestering you around the message boards while we're here.
Insane. Mine was all covert. Life just feels fake now. Everything was set up. Nothing is real. Shoot me.
How are you able to connect with people as an adult? I can't imagine what relationships are like for you.
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I'm sorry to hear that you went through it too and I understand how you feel about it. I don't really have any issues connecting with people on a friendly level, but I got some trust issues when it comes to intimiate relationships, I'm very cautious and I pick up on things that seem off very easily. I pick good friends, but I don't really pick good partners. Trying to figure it out and get better at it.
That's interesting that you can still have good friends. I can't really seem to do either. Then again, I can't hold a job, stay in school, etc. so I can't really do anything right.
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