Anyone else with a severe fear/repulsion to medication and other drugs? If so, how do you cope?

[ChiseHatori]

I could try to go into detail about this for hours but I'll try to keep it brief. To preface: I am not anti drugs or meds or what have you, I've seen them work on plenty of people and I'm very happy for them.

To start, I have severe OCD, PTSD, and some chronic pain. I know these are all factors - specifically my trauma around drugs. It's hard to write this out but again I'll try to be as brief as possible.

One: my dad was an alcoholic before he passed, a violent one too. But he was very sweet and normal when sober.

Two: I have been forced into taking medication multiple times even when I was very scared and hesitant (mainly anxiety) and it has become an obsessive fear of mine due to this.

Three: When I was forced to take things I only got negative side effects, some that linger even to this day (DPDR is the main one). I chalked it up to a "nocebo" effect for a long time but it's more likely some sort of trauma response I think?

Four: I get panicky even just being around people doing recreational drugs and drinking, let alone ever trying it. It gives me actual nightmares.

So now here I am in summary: someone with chronic pain and mental health conditions who has tried therapy and almost every other route to feel better. Everyone and their mother screams at me to try medication or recreational, but I cannot stomach it (I'd rather be six feet under). What the fuck do I do to cope?

Do I just accept that I need to invest all my energy into overcoming this fear?

Do I try meditation again?

In short. I feel very alone in this and I don't know if anyone else feels similar...

 

[pupsensua1]

I do not have a repulsion as serious as you but I still hope I can help, to begin, try and drink something you enjoy with it, It hides the uncomfortable feeling of pills for me, and also, try not to look at the pills while consuming, it might help. These are a couple of tips, I hope you are able to take pills again.

 

[ChiseHatori]

I do not have a repulsion as serious as you but I still hope I can help, to begin, try and drink something you enjoy with it, It hides the uncomfortable feeling of pills for me, and also, try not to look at the pills while consuming, it might help. These are a couple of tips, I hope you are able to take pills again.

I appreciate the reply. It's not about taking the pills, it's the effects I feel after. For example; when I had to take a morning after pill, I spent the whole day sobbing beforehand and I basically was violently shaking and sobbing during and for a while after I took it. I got over it since it was just once, but daily, it would be a very long process. And I don't think my body would accept any helpful effects for a long time, just the bad side effects.

 

[pupsensua1]

I appreciate the reply. It's not about taking the pills, it's the effects I feel after. For example; when I had to take a morning after pill, I spent the whole day sobbing beforehand and I basically was violently shaking and sobbing during and for a while after I took it. I got over it since it was just once, but daily, it would be a very long process. And I don't think my body would accept any helpful effects for a long time, just the bad side effects.

Oh, I see where I got it wrong, I would suggest you start off with something similar but not really a pill, you could slowly work your way up to taking the real stuff.

 

[ChiseHatori]

Honestly, I have to follow up this thread once again. I've been lurking around and I'm seeing more and more examples where medication hastily prescribed made people very sick and sometimes even to the point of someone going from healthy to disabled... seeing all this is not helping my fear at all to say the least!

I honestly don't think medication is ever going to be the right route for me, unless I really do end up that bad later on. My body straight up rejects it, because my mind rejects it even if I'm exceedingly desperate for a solution (mainly for my physical pain right now...)

 

[neuroconk]

The only drugs that don't seem to always give me panic attacks or just general anxiety are normal doses of caffeine, weed (I've had two miserable body highs when I intentionally smoked an excessive amount), and low doses of shrooms. I've been prescribed Seroquel for delusions like thought broadcasting and subtle visual hallucinations but it led to me getting a fever, having a fever dream and hallucinating mice crawling around my bed (we had a mice infestation at the time and I was paranoid about them). Similar happened when I took Carbamazepine for a supposed mood disorder, I had flu like symptoms, got anxious about it, and then quit. I've also had a bad reaction to Prozac for anxiety, the first medication I was prescribed for my mental health ironically made me panic and feel like a zombie.

What I used to do was read through the packet that comes with the meds that tells you what could go wrong, then subconsciously look for cues of those negative possibilities, leading to panic attacks and me probably "manifesting" the symptoms into reality, idk. So I basically have a really hard time taking meds now (I don't).

I definitely have some sort of mental illness or personality disorder and I'm too sensitive/anxious to stay on medication without going a tad crazy. I cope by defusing delusions (being aware of negative thought patterns and rationalizing why absurd things like people hearing my thoughts are impossible) and being careful to avoid things that I know will send me into mania. I avoid anhedonia by staying aware of the "cue-craving-response-reward" structure of a habit. I always try to force myself to find satisfaction in certain tasks (this helps me maintain my hygiene and function since I can force it to be somewhat rewarding).

Anyways to your issue of chronic pain, I think that low doses of weed wouldn't be terrible to try as long as your situation allows for its consumption if you're willing to be super brave and give it a try. You can try starting at a super small amount, then slowly move your way up. You can try looking at it as an adventure or experiment, that might help. But there's no rush, take it easy, I believe in you

 

[ChiseHatori]

The only drugs that don't seem to always give me panic attacks or just general anxiety are normal doses of caffeine, weed (I've had two miserable body highs when I intentionally smoked an excessive amount), and low doses of shrooms. I've been prescribed Seroquel for delusions like thought broadcasting and subtle visual hallucinations but it led to me getting a fever, having a fever dream and hallucinating mice crawling around my bed (we had a mice infestation at the time and I was paranoid about them). Similar happened when I took Carbamazepine for a supposed mood disorder, I had flu like symptoms, got anxious about it, and then quit. I've also had a bad reaction to Prozac for anxiety, the first medication I was prescribed for my mental health ironically made me panic and feel like a zombie.

What I used to do was read through the packet that comes with the meds that tells you what could go wrong, then subconsciously look for cues of those negative possibilities, leading to panic attacks and me probably "manifesting" the symptoms into reality, idk. So I basically have a really hard time taking meds now (I don't).

I definitely have some sort of mental illness or personality disorder and I'm too sensitive/anxious to stay on medication without going a tad crazy. I cope by defusing delusions (being aware of negative thought patterns and rationalizing why absurd things like people hearing my thoughts are impossible) and being careful to avoid things that I know will send me into mania. I avoid anhedonia by staying aware of the "cue-craving-response-reward" structure of a habit. I always try to force myself to find satisfaction in certain tasks (this helps me maintain my hygiene and function since I can force it to be somewhat rewarding).

Anyways to your issue of chronic pain, I think that low doses of weed wouldn't be terrible to try as long as your situation allows for its consumption if you're willing to be super brave and give it a try. You can try starting at a super small amount, then slowly move your way up. You can try looking at it as an adventure or experiment, that might help. But there's no rush, take it easy, I believe in you

Oh yeah, I relate to you a lot honestly. Prozac was also the first one they gave me and I reacted similar, although I tried to stay in it for a long time and it ended up with me getting and sustaining DP/DR... which is sadly why I am too afraid to try weed. I've seen many many people get DPDR or worsen theirs by trying weed even once and so... sadly that one also won't happen due to my similar paranoia.

The manifestation of symptoms you mentioned is pretty much what I meant by a "nocebo" effect. Even as hard as I try to avoid looking up side effects, I always break down and do it and then I end up feeling a ton of them no matter what. The mind is just too powerful, sometimes in the worst ways. Thank you for believing in me, perhaps one day I'll figure out an alternative that works for me or some way around this.

 

[SoftWorries]

You get used to it. I started taking lots of vitamins everyday starting with chewy ones and moving on to pill form. Now I can take medication as needed.