SuiSqueeze92
Self Saboteur
- Jan 15, 2020
- 479
Honestly.. I like certain aspects of my problems. I feel like I'm always two steps ahead of everything and everyone, or feel like I know what someone is up to.. and honestly it's right a lot of the time. I only speculate things if I see weird body language, actions, hesitation, eyes looking around, I get strong feelings of "eyes on me" and I always seem to find someone staring at me from a distance.
When I first started having flashbacks, nightmares and would wake up in the hospital not knowing what's happened. I was scared at first, I didn't know what was happening. It was like a nightmare that wouldn't end. That's when I decided to take a different approach and face my demons head on. Sure, it triggered me a lot of the times, but I felt at some point I'll "get used to it" or learn how to control it... or just kill myself, so nothing to lose! But now I wonder if I just made things worse ultimately. A good example; fireworks used to send me into a dream like state and then abruptly I would "snap out of it" and freak the fuck out, feeling the shockwave on my body just reminded me of bad shit and sent me into panic mode every damn time... but I love the Fourth of July and I didn't want to miss it, so I kept trying to go to see if shit ever got better and eventually it did.... I guess if you can call it that.
When I first started having flashbacks, nightmares and would wake up in the hospital not knowing what's happened. I was scared at first, I didn't know what was happening. It was like a nightmare that wouldn't end. That's when I decided to take a different approach and face my demons head on. Sure, it triggered me a lot of the times, but I felt at some point I'll "get used to it" or learn how to control it... or just kill myself, so nothing to lose! But now I wonder if I just made things worse ultimately. A good example; fireworks used to send me into a dream like state and then abruptly I would "snap out of it" and freak the fuck out, feeling the shockwave on my body just reminded me of bad shit and sent me into panic mode every damn time... but I love the Fourth of July and I didn't want to miss it, so I kept trying to go to see if shit ever got better and eventually it did.... I guess if you can call it that.
