Venting Anyone else too much of a coward?

[Franken_1517]

I am fully aware that this is the only way out, the only thing that can give me peace and happiness...

And yet I am also aware of the fact that I'll never have the courage to ever do it.

Am I the only one?

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm a coward too but I can't fathom the thought of staying here due to my lack of courage. I know I'll have to get it from somewhere as it's impractical to continue living like this.

 

[tronix]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Ctb is one big unknown. Will it be successfull? Will it be quick? Will it be painless? What's out there...?

A lot of us here feel this way. We have doubts, second thoughts, fears...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the forum! Death is the only way out of this world but it's never easy! When you are really ready to go then you'll be able to do it. It's probably still difficult but possible. You're not a coward, not in any case!

 

[Franken_1517]

Welcome to the forum! Death is the only way out of this world but it's never easy! When you are really ready to go then you'll be able to do it. It's probably still difficult but possible. You#re not a coward, not in any case!

Thank you, you're right. I have the courage, I just need to find out how to summon it.

 

[calebzz1]

If I had everything prepared for SN, not really at this point...better than living forever with vision impairment issues that no one understands or gives a fuck about.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

No, you aren't the only one. Despite the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm going to kill myself, I'm also kind of scared of death. I'm also comforted by it. I need to learn to better accept death and learn not to fear it. I need to learn to fully acknowledge the beauty found in it the same way others talk about trying to acknowledge the beauty in life. The unknown is scary and my own primal instincts tell me to be wary of it but I need to try and fight against them and learn to accept the unknown.

I don't think you are a coward. It's normal to be afraid. That doesn't make you a coward, it makes you human.

 

[Mi Mi]

I am fully aware that this is the only way out, the only thing that can give me peace and happiness...

And yet I am also aware of the fact that I'll never have the courage to ever do it.

Am I the only one?

I'm half and half.
I have 2 major attempts under my belt.
So part of me knows I can.
But part of me is afraid to fail because those 2 major attempts didn't work.
The struggle with the fear is infuriating.

 

[Callie Arcale]

After many failed attempts, I am slowly coming to the realisation that I don't have it in me to hang myself. Partial hanging is my only available option. I am afraid I will fail and wake up paralized or with brain damage.

I'd do it in a heart beat if I had a gun because then I'd be sure to blow my brains out and die.

 

[terra.nuvo]

I'm the exact same way. My lack of courage comes from me not being sure of what happens after I ctb. Not only in a spiritual sense but also in the physical world like with my family. I hope I gain the courage some day to finally commit to ctb because like you I know it is the only way out, but alas that courage has yet to come. I remember the first time I really attempted to ctb. I was so ready. I wish I had just died back then instead of waking up afraid of what was going to happen.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The struggle with the fear is infuriating.

As it is with all of us, even if there's tireless preparation behind you that may spur you on in confidence to ctb, there's naturally going to be that hang up in the back of your mind, that will the outcome you've wanted be what happens or will you survive and go back to square -1 because things will be not great after that especially with having to reveal to family your elaborate plan to ctb before they could even look in your direction with any kind of suspicion that you'd even be capable of this.

 

[jellie]

i have tried in the past, it is a scary thing to have your mind set on doing and then actually do it.
i think it still scares me since there is so much that is unknown about what happens after death.
to me suicide feels inevitable, but i am too scared to do it in the near future.

 

[divinemistress36]

Damn survival instincts

 

[evannave]

I am fully aware that this is the only way out, the only thing that can give me peace and happiness...

And yet I am also aware of the fact that I'll never have the courage to ever do it.

Am I the only one?

you are most definitely not the only one. If all of us had the courage to do it we'd be long gone by now. but don't worry! i believe you'll overcome your fear and achieve what you seek :)