E.T
silver tongue devil
- Jul 22, 2024
- 63
Hear me out.
I understand their inherent value if you have people who will blame themselves when they do not deserve to; people who genuinely did their best to help. I understand the appeal of a cathartic note; venting and finally getting your emotions out. And in no way would I judge someone for choosing to write one.
But what if you're tired of your feelings falling on deaf ears?
I think the very fact that the only time my emotions will be taken most seriously is when I'm no longer around is enough of an explanation for why I am not…
It just feels so paradoxical discussing my emotions now.
I've been pondering suicide for years. Regurgitating my story to stone cold GPs, therapists, counsellors and "friends" for years.
Why do I now have to do that all over again before I die when nobody cared while I was standing?
While my lungs still carried air and my heart was still beating?
Would it be fucked up to list all the things you're sick of? To name the people who largely contributed to your suffering? I think that's being honest at least. I believe people's truths need to at least be written down in that sense.
But ultimately I care and don't want anyone to blame themselves, so yes I'll be forcing myself to be false in death just as I've been forced to live my life for everyone else's sake.
I still think it's complete bullshit though.
If you cannot be honest in death, then when can you be?
I understand their inherent value if you have people who will blame themselves when they do not deserve to; people who genuinely did their best to help. I understand the appeal of a cathartic note; venting and finally getting your emotions out. And in no way would I judge someone for choosing to write one.
But what if you're tired of your feelings falling on deaf ears?
I think the very fact that the only time my emotions will be taken most seriously is when I'm no longer around is enough of an explanation for why I am not…
It just feels so paradoxical discussing my emotions now.
I've been pondering suicide for years. Regurgitating my story to stone cold GPs, therapists, counsellors and "friends" for years.
Why do I now have to do that all over again before I die when nobody cared while I was standing?
While my lungs still carried air and my heart was still beating?
Would it be fucked up to list all the things you're sick of? To name the people who largely contributed to your suffering? I think that's being honest at least. I believe people's truths need to at least be written down in that sense.
But ultimately I care and don't want anyone to blame themselves, so yes I'll be forcing myself to be false in death just as I've been forced to live my life for everyone else's sake.
I still think it's complete bullshit though.
If you cannot be honest in death, then when can you be?
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