I used to have 'social anxiety disorder', but as I got older it morphed more into a phobia, like I have erected a mental wall between me and those I run into in my life. I can barely even socialize on anxiolytics anymore, and I have been responsible enough with them not to build a tolerance.
I always heard it goes the other way for a lot of people, and as they get older some of the social anxiety goes away. The thing is I've had many traumatic experiences surrounding people in my life, both street kids and authority figures who I used to naively believe were upstanding people. I have PTSD from being mugged multiple times while I was living in Youth Shelters, and drifting around after being kicked out of my parents household, because I was supposed to be a perfect kid with no mental health issues.
The Police had multiple guns pointed at my head ready to shoot me for playing with cap guns in an empty field, with the orange caps still on in daylight...I threw my fucking capgun to the ground as they requested, but they didn't stop pointing their guns, and it didn't stop me from getting slammed into the hood of their cruiser. Admittedly I was with another kid who was drunk and he was too stupid to obey their command. I still think 8 police should be able to tell that real guns don't have orange caps, and like I said I discarded mine when they commanded me to and did as they said. I've also been called a waste of tax payers money for seeking help for my suicidal thoughts surrounding my anxiety/depression and PTSD from a upstanding Psychiatrist who hollered to me at the top of my lungs that I was just seeking drugs and didn't have real anxiety disorders (I'm diagnosed with them, including PTSD, but 5 minutes with an emergency department Dr., he knew best).
This is a hair trigger discussion for me these days, as I generally don't try to interact with people IRL these days because my flashbacks can make me go off on others if they say or make the wrong gesture towards me. I used to be mild mannered and my social anxiety would make me freeze or become really shy and withdrawn, it's morphed into something far uglier these days...I might delete this post later because it is too revealing and I don't want to get doxxed.