"Been there, done that". The first seven years of this ordeal were the worst. Was practically paralysed. Sometimes wouldn't shower for weeks, nor brush my teeth, my room was a mess, and didn't leave the the house for months. Sometimes maybe up to a year unless I was summoned somewhere. It's gross, but a perfectly normal phenomenon™.
What helped me get back on my feet in this regard was an utter low point in late summer 2001. Was the worst day of my life, and the only time I asked for help. Apart from prescribing me antidepressants (which didn't really do anything) they had me do a blood test. Turns out I was suffering from extreme hypothyroidism. This often coincides with depression and other mental health issues as well. Can't recommend enough having this checked. The meds actually helped a bit, no miracles/fix ofc, but it did restore some much needed balance. I was working at the time too, began brushing my teeth again and showering. At first I'd just shower every four days, then two, and then daily again. Routine and a tad OCD is helpful too in this regard. Now I can't stand going to bed unshowered, no matter how late or tired.
Not showering isn't nice, but carries no consequences. Health issues like one's teeth are a different matter though, and still occasionally chip a tooth due to the damage from then. At the time I was actively pursuing suicide and naturally thought I wouldn't be needing them anymore, but one never knows how things turn out. So, if you can somehow get yourself up to do it, it's probably best.
As for money and work, fuck that. Maybe this sounds like a parasite, but work actually made me want to throw myself under a train just to avoid shifts. No joke. Really tried for years, but ultimately couldn't take the obligations anymore and got fired. Hesitated for years further to apply for benefits, but ultimately needed health insurance and thus did. Now I'm kinda stuck, since dropping the benefits would mean having to pay for health insurance privately, with or without income. It's sick. Tried it a few years ago and it only used up my savings. No. If you feel unfunctional, and you probably do considering where we are, it's perfectly fine to seek help. Many places still allow some form of basic support based on health issues. It's not like we're faking it, therefore you shouldn't make yourself suffer more than needs be. The money was extorted from our families anyway and in most cases none of us got anything in return. They even cancelled my great aunt's blind support when we moved abroad. So, no, fuck em. Nevertheless, I'd still comply and come in for all those pointless meetings on my employment future, but now, after having settled for suicide, I plain refuse to cooperate. Lethargy has all but destroyed me anyway. If they really wanna get one out of the system they should stop intervening and restricting euthanasia. Simple as that.
