Discussion Anyone else still grieve over past relationships

[Raven2]

I was in a long term relationship for well over a decade that came to an end a good few years ago yet I still feel like I'm grieving over it. They cared for me during my mental health battles but towards the end their caring attitude changed and once I actually had the mental health breakdown and shit went down, the relationship couldnt be repaired. They have moved on and have a whole new life. I still think about how my life would be if we were still together. im stuck living back at parents with no way to afford to live by myself.

I tried to move on in another relationship but didnt last long I was at my best mentally. their main reason to breakup was because I began to make them feel awkward around me. As someone with social anxiety probably one of the worst things you can say to me.

I dont know how to move on. Time does not heal.
Anyone else feel this way?

 

[d3ad]

OMG, I relate to this HARD. I relate to the part of living with parents and I also relate to the part of not being able to move on. I genuinely struggle to let go and move on. Hope you feel better, my door is open if you need someone to talk to.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

sure. i still mourn my dog's passing

 

[the old man]

I'm sorry to hear about your mental health battles, you mentioned their attitude changed towards you, so that in itself shows that they were not fully committed to you and sooner or later that would have surfaced and the relationship would have maybe broke down anyway or they would be living with a resentment towards you which in effect would make for a generally unhappy union and nobody wants that if they're honest, things happen for a reason, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse but we cannot change history only learn to accept it and as hard and as much of a struggle as it is move on and put it behind us.
Easier said than done but done it can be.

 

[Argo]

I guess there's just lots of regret, guilt, shame, those are normal I think. But pretending as if it could have been another way is a kind of confusion, so we torture ourselves for no reason over these past relationships. If there's a point to learn, then lets learn. But a lot of it is just a kind of masochistic rumination that only causes us to lay there in bed and be really sad for the rest of our lives. It doesn't really do anything worth doing if it just goes on forever like that.

 

[Raven2]

OMG, I relate to this HARD. I relate to the part of living with parents and I also relate to the part of not being able to move on. I genuinely struggle to let go and move on. Hope you feel better, my door is open if you need someone to talk to.

Sorry you can relate to this too. Maybe at some point it will ease for us. Thank you

I'm sorry to hear about your mental health battles, you mentioned their attitude changed towards you, so that in itself shows that they were not fully committed to you and sooner or later that would have surfaced and the relationship would have maybe broke down anyway or they would be living with a resentment towards you which in effect would make for a generally unhappy union and nobody wants that if they're honest, things happen for a reason, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse but we cannot change history only learn to accept it and as hard and as much of a struggle as it is move on and put it behind us.
Easier said than done but done it can be.

Thank you for you words and kindness

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm sorry. i didn't mean to be so nonchalant. i did mean what i said about my dog. as far as human relationships go... i've grown not to care about them so much. i've 'broken up too many times to give a crap. these are people that approached me first! i end up giving more, trying harder - did they see that in me? is that why they wanted a relationship? i don't know/care. good riddance. there are many possibilities if you can endure. really should not get hung up over one bad experience.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

Yeah, I think about her every day, just miss the quirky things about her. I felt that I had moved past her more a few months ago, but I saw something that reminded me of her and I'm just back there again.

 

[PixelPlant]

yeah it's been nearly six years since I last saw her. still thinking about the memories we had and wondering how she's doing. with all that, I just can't envision being in a relationship with anyone else and I'm actually completely fine with it (I know corny asf lol)

 

[jellie]

I can relate to this. although my relationship was not as long as yours I still find myself grieving what could have been. we wanted to get married once, those days feel so far away now. it feels impossible to feel that way with someone new. it feels like no one can care for you the way they once did. it is hard. and it sucks.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Not when I realized nothing and no one matters.

 

[sserafim]

Not when I realized nothing and no one matters.

I've never even had a relationship before, but I agree. Lol the nihilistic viewpoint on life. Nihilism ftw

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

Yes. I'm still not over it years later. She was the love of my life, but it all went to shit. Mostly my fault because I'm such a garbage waste of life and always will be. And if I hear another person speaks about "having loved and lost" or "time heals all wounds" I'm gonna have a meltdown. No it isn't and no it doesn't.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

Too tragically relatable. Romantic and platonic relationships I can't just "get over". I'm still upset over things from 17 years ago. I've never been in a long romantic relationships. The longest was almost a year. They don't last long bcus no one wants to deal with a misery machine and and I can't reciprocate anything back.

 

[Darkover]

I never got over my first and only love 20 years ago life is just horrible to us

 

[tbroken]

I guess there's just lots of regret, guilt, shame, those are normal I think. But pretending as if it could have been another way is a kind of confusion, so we torture ourselves for no reason over these past relationships. If there's a point to learn, then lets learn. But a lot of it is just a kind of masochistic rumination that only causes us to lay there in bed and be really sad for the rest of our lives. It doesn't really do anything worth doing if it just goes on forever like that.

Totally agree, especially for men, moving on and upgrading themselves is the best thing.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can't grieve over something that I never had to begin with

 

[Raven2]

And if I hear another person speaks about "having loved and lost" or "time heals all wounds" I'm gonna have a meltdown. No it isn't and no it doesn't.

I completely agree with you on this point

 

[Teary01]

Pretty much everyday, i know im gonna move on one day or not but that feeling that she gave me reignited my heart to keep going. Then it just ends like any other story, I was just delusional and kept on believing lies since it made me feel somewhat close to what people describe as "happiness"

 

[Ambivalent1]

I've never even had a relationship before, but I agree. Lol the nihilistic viewpoint on life. Nihilism ftw

 

[orAbleCk]

Well not in the romantic sense as I consider myself quite aromantic, but in the platonic sense..yes. I keep wondering whether certain relationships I've had in the past may have turned out more successful or long-lasting if I hadn't had so many problems strapped to my back and too much baggage for other people to endure. It's why I hate starting over with new sets of friends because inevitably you get to your life stories and I hate comparing my situation to others but it's hard to get over the simple fact that a lot of the times you stand miserably alone in that regard. There's some traumas and life experiences other people simply won't understand no matter how much they try to empathize and that's not their fault. Our brains are just wired different and sometimes that makes or breaks a relationship despite all of our best intentions. How can they possibly fulfill a hole you've had since before they even met you you know?

 

[lita-lassi]

over 3 1/2 years since he left me for dead and i still cry thinking about how happy he made me