quietly_gone

quietly_gone

๐’”๐’‘๐’–๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’Œ ๐’”๐’˜๐’†๐’†๐’•๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’• ๐Ÿช
May 9, 2023
79
I've always dreaded my birthday and it wasn't until a few years ago that I noticed why.

I am often very lonely. Obviously a lot of depressed people can relate to this. It's true that sometimes we feel alienated, isolate ourselves etc, but often people distance themselves from us because "we're difficult to deal with". I'm not blaming them for that. It's just that I deal with so much loneliness all the time, when my birthday comes around there's all this sudden attention and it all feels so fake, like it's being done out of politeness and pity. Where were all these people on the days I just wanted someone to talk to? When I was doing my best to reach out?

When I let myself enjoy the attention and company I'm always let down because on the very next day it's back to loneliness again. No one is excited to make plans with me anymore, no one texts me first or asks about my life. I really hate this feeling. It makes everything from the previous day seem forced.

Then there's my family. They mistreat me all year, enable each other's abuse towards me and suddenly they want to make me a cake and throw a party and I'm a horrible person if I say I don't want that. I've tried suggesting other things instead, such as "let me just order this dish I really like and we can have it together" but to no avail. It has to be the way they want it to be and if it isn't then I'm ungrateful.

I just don't like this lack of sincerity. When they win me over and make the cake and invite whoever they wish over (just other family members who also do not care about me), even if I'm quiet and pretending to enjoy it they manage to call me ungrateful at the end. I'm not ungrateful, it's just that yesterday I was physically and verbally abused and now I'm sitting here eating cake pretending nothing ever happened, as if it won't start again on the next day.

My mom literally threatens me every year with a picture she supposedly has of me looking at a cake she made in a "hateful way". She says that if I don't let her do the party she's going to post it online and talk about how her daughter doesn't appreciate her.

I hope the date goes by unnoticed this year. I guess "I hate my birthday" is not exactly how I feel since I'd love to spend the day on my own terms.
 
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Reactions: grungy่‡ชๆฎบ, WearyWanderer, lonely&trapped. and 3 others
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
4,577
I personally don't hate my birthday but I also just don't care about it
 
Meowmeownextweek

Meowmeownextweek

Member
Mar 30, 2023
19
I hate my birthday, several weeks before and after my birthday I start spiraling and become severely depressed. I hate most big dates honestly, and sometimes I end up unintentionally ruining them for others. My birthday only reminds me of how much I wish I hadn't been born.
 
N33dT0D13

N33dT0D13

Xe/It
Apr 2, 2023
365
Always hated my birthday but this year's was better than usual... On the day of when I didn't mind my friend forgetting cuz he was at least there, better than my ex could say lmao... Then I keep remembering that my friend forgot my bday after asking when it was and I wanna die all over again lmao
 
Steff1337

Steff1337

Autistic and schizophrenic, please be respectful
Jun 21, 2024
659
Absolutely. I hate my birthday, birthdays of the dearest people to me, and all the major holidays.
It's like people celebrating, and being happy, and I myself feeling the opposite way, and just hating that I'm still alive.
 
unwilling_lich

unwilling_lich

emo mcgee
Jan 1, 2024
26
they just remind me of how much of my life ive wasted and let go by. never had a bday party, hell as a kid i was at another kids bday party on my bday ๐Ÿ™ƒ so they also remind me of how forgotten and tertiary i am to everyone
 
prone2fury

prone2fury

i have pretty hair
Feb 4, 2023
52
Although my birthday can be stressful sometimes, I look forward to it. My friends and family like to get me gifts, even though they don't really have to. It's something to look forward to at least.
 
Imagined_Euphoria

Imagined_Euphoria

Student
Aug 5, 2024
161
The concept of a birthday never made sense to me. Even as a child I asked my parents why they randomly give me some stuff at my birthday, who invented this. They couldnt answer me or give a reason.
 
enduringwinter

enduringwinter

flower, water
Jun 20, 2024
309
I don't hate it but I don't know why I get catastrophic events or at the very least rotten luck and constant terrible thoughts around that time in recent years. Starting to believe it might be an August birthday thing as it coincides with the Month of Lonely Ghosts in the Lunar calendar when everyone typically says bad things happen.
 
S

Sat

Member
Aug 12, 2024
31
Stopped caring about it, yet my parents (who I'm not even getting along with) forces me to come out with them when all we do is eat and they talk to me badly.
 
grungy่‡ชๆฎบ

grungy่‡ชๆฎบ

All apologies.....
Jan 9, 2024
101
In recent years i've been having complete resentment in my birthday (as result of me failing to achieve milestones in last couple of years being a teenager)
In that i would not be happy if my age count goes up, because that would mean that i would be reminded that i'm suffering through another year of decay and that i should just do it or rather want the time to do it come by already.
 
Skathon

Skathon

"...scarred underneath, and I'm falling..."
Oct 29, 2018
586
Absolutely. I wish I could erase all records of it.
 
null_blank

null_blank

just passing through
Aug 14, 2024
123
My birthday falls very close to Christmas and while I admit that celebration is a lot more important, it feels like people treat me like I sorta just tacked myself on to the season for attention or something. Let me tell you how much that backfired!

My mom might feel something the sameโ€”hers also comes very close to the day.

Amways,
I don't like it cos like others have said, I'd rather just not have been here at all. Big party and stuff? For what??
 

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