Anyone else planning to be found and interrupted when they ctb?

[Bungee_gum]

I've had frequent thoughts of how my suicide will go down, and one of the scenarios is me getting found and interrupted after taking SN or something, by a family member. i contemplated why i kind of want this to happen, maybe its an indirect and desperate cry of help, to feel seen and for people to have sympathy for me? its really selfish when i think about it actually. i would be willing to subject my parents or siblings to the sight of me dying in order to have them feel bad for me. why does it have to be this way

 

[💗女の子になりたい💗]

If ur questioning if u sjould do it or not and u arent entirely sure u want to die then its better for u to try therapy or medication.
Have u ever been on medication before?

 

[closetoyou]

i feel the same way, vaguely. part of me wants to attempt to CTB in my car and be found by a stranger but idk - just a fantasy of wanting to feel needed i guess

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

As you already hinted yourself, maybe it's a cry for help. You could try therapie or at least pick something different then SN which is pretty final.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Do you know why you want them to feel bad for you? Why you're so committed to this sad narrative? You wouldn't rather take the steps to turn things in a positive direction, and have them be happy for you?

 

[sirrac]

i think things can get better for you, please reconsider if you want to actually ctb or just want to feel better

 

[sweetdrowning]

I've had frequent thoughts of how my suicide will go down, and one of the scenarios is me getting found and interrupted after taking SN or something, by a family member. i contemplated why i kind of want this to happen, maybe its an indirect and desperate cry of help, to feel seen and for people to have sympathy for me? its really selfish when i think about it actually. i would be willing to subject my parents or siblings to the sight of me dying in order to have them feel bad for me. why does it have to be this way

Trust me, I was interrupted during my ctb attempt, and it was ugly and awful. In my case, people did not feel bad for me, they just turned away from me, and I have no one now. You might ruin your relationships and your loved ones may not trust you again. Please reconsider, maybe look into medication, and some form of therapy if you aren't absolutely sure you are ready to die. Don't subject people you love to this. Sending warmth <3

 

[gasforme]

My half hearted attempt from years ago still haunts me to this day. My family won't forget about it and it's led to me making sure to do it right the next time.

 

[violetforever]

do you envision them finding you at your worst like that and then finally giving care and attention to your suffering (if you feel like that's something they are indifferent to)??? would you want to be saved or die knowing you were in pain the last time they saw you? i don't think this is an entirely selfish thought, you probably just want some understanding

 

[thefarter]

if i survive this time or get found or whatever i am going to rip my eyeballs out with my bare hands frfr

 

[fadedghost]

I've had frequent thoughts of how my suicide will go down, and one of the scenarios is me getting found and interrupted after taking SN or something, by a family member. i contemplated why i kind of want this to happen, maybe its an indirect and desperate cry of help, to feel seen and for people to have sympathy for me? its really selfish when i think about it actually. i would be willing to subject my parents or siblings to the sight of me dying in order to have them feel bad for me. why does it have to be this way

if you take SN, the chance of you dying are extremely high. it's not like if they interrupt you, it's a cry for help and then you get better... it's more like if they interrupt you there's a very small chance you won't die...

if you want to do a cry for help, which is fine, don't do it with SN, find some other way that's less likely to be fatal

 

[deny_conformity]

I was found by a stranger because after my overdose on Lamotrigine I thought it was a good idea to go for a walk. Maybe I wanted to be found? All I know is I didn't want my son to find me at home. I was found unconscious and fitting next to the road.

I'm now further medicated and receiving regular contact with the mental health services. I tried to CTB because I couldn't find another way out of my situation. My marriage had ended, I was married to the only person who ever made me feel like I couldn't CTB (it's been a constant thought since I was about 13, I turned 42 around a month ago). I couldn't live with her and my son but I couldn't live anywhere else. The solution was obvious.

Since then my situation has really not improved, if anything it has gotten worse. I was moved in with my mom, a woman I was low contact with. Each day living with her was hell. Towards the end of November I just walked out and been non-contact since, I didn't say goodbye or anything, just gone. I was lucky to move in with a friend, though now I feel like I can't CTB because I'd be a very rude house guest to leave her with a dead body in her spare room.

Each day recently has made me regret more and more surviving (turns out my ex was having an affair and is now working to replace me in my son's life with her affair partner). She is using my bipolar against me and limiting me to seeing him every other weekend, if I'm lucky while her affair partner gets regular contact. I am watching myself rapidly get replaced and when I see my son he keeps going on about her affair partner.

So if you have any concerns on if CTB is right for you, speak to your doctor and family. I will be speaking to my care coordinator this week about how far I am into planning now. Maybe I want help, maybe I want to CTB; all I know is I no longer want to feel like I need to CTB.