Kramer
Nervous wreck
- Oct 27, 2020
- 1,398
KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,682
for me, its not that i don't want to, it's more like i have exhausted all options and tried nearly everything there is to try. If i was not ill perhaps i could probably fake some sort of motivation, slog my way through a few more years, but I'm in so much pain everyday. So i completely understand the feeling of wanting to give up and not wanting to fight what you see as a losing battle.
Kramer
Nervous wreck
- Oct 27, 2020
- 1,398
You said you have ptsd. I have a thread that outlines how you can do Emdr therapy at home.
Problem is I'm burned out on therapy and meds and the false promises of doctors.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
I think if I ever actually "got better" it'd feel like I was missing a piece of what makes me who I am. So in some ways the thought of it is unsettling.
signifying nothing
-
- Sep 13, 2020
- 2,553
Lost sight of what is 'better' anymore. My life now is in some ways very much better than where I was, truer and more authentic, though it is hard and from a lot of other people's perspectives looks a hell of a lot worse than it was. But I could not go back to being how I was because it wasnt really me. So no, don't want to get 'better' esp not if its fulfilling someone elses desires or idea of how or who I should be.
Last edited:
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 20,719
Can relate. I feel like getting better is impossible for me and as much as I want it, even if I had it, it could easily get taken away from me and cause me even more suffering. I'm not willing to put in anymore effort or attention to the thought of getting better until it becomes guaranteed that I will never suffer ever again.
W’ren
Worthless
- Oct 28, 2020
- 559
If it was possible to live pain free and nausea free and free of being limited by my physical conditions,
If i could eat what i want when i want without repercussions
If all my psych conditions, disorders and illnesses could just disappear-
Maybe i'd choose life. I don't know. It's not possible so why go there and tease myself?
I've been denied proper pain control. Yep, turned down. I've done the hospital's pain management course- twice.
I've exhausted therapy options. The system is broken where i am. Therapists don't do long term counselling. If you're a difficult case- they won't take you.
I'm seeing a therapist now but i only talk about minorish stuff and about getting my meds right. I don't mention cbt but i mention depression. She knows i'm VERY low. She knows my history with ctb attempt...
There are no meds left to try. Nothing really is working now. Nothing ever did-
I'm so tired of fighting this fight- especially when i'm a burden in so many ways to several people.
So it's not really not wanting to- it's realistically knowing it won't ever happen. It can't as it's not possible.
If i could eat what i want when i want without repercussions
If all my psych conditions, disorders and illnesses could just disappear-
Maybe i'd choose life. I don't know. It's not possible so why go there and tease myself?
I've been denied proper pain control. Yep, turned down. I've done the hospital's pain management course- twice.
I've exhausted therapy options. The system is broken where i am. Therapists don't do long term counselling. If you're a difficult case- they won't take you.
I'm seeing a therapist now but i only talk about minorish stuff and about getting my meds right. I don't mention cbt but i mention depression. She knows i'm VERY low. She knows my history with ctb attempt...
There are no meds left to try. Nothing really is working now. Nothing ever did-
I'm so tired of fighting this fight- especially when i'm a burden in so many ways to several people.
So it's not really not wanting to- it's realistically knowing it won't ever happen. It can't as it's not possible.
KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,682
I know exactly how you feel. It is hard to remember a time when eating didn't make me sick and I wasn't plagued with pain all day. Even low doses of opiates didn't take it away, and like you I have been denied pain management because of my age and my country's draconian rules about drugs. I think only those of us who have experienced chronic pain know the toll it takes on your psyche. Knowing that unless a miracle cure happens, you're stuck like this forever is a hard pill to swallow, and the ignorant and healthy have the gall to tell us that it gets better when they don't have to live like this.
Nymph
he/him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 2,565
I don't really want to get better because I don't want to become happy with having responsibilities and happy with being a slave to huge companies and CEOs. I don't want to become what all other normally functioning people have become. I want to be so free of responsibility that I want to die. I don't want to exist. I'm happy to die. So I need an excuse to kms.
foreverlikethestars
Member
- Jun 23, 2020
- 79
desperately want to get better for those i love but it's just getting more difficult
StringPuppet
Lost
- Oct 5, 2020
- 579
Gnip
Bill the Cat
- Oct 10, 2020
- 621
This. I have fought World War III against my demons and lost. I will not take my life with my absolute last "bullet," but only as a hedge against failing to CTB in order to succeed in any necessary second attempt. (I am here to do my homework though, like SS hero LetzeAusfahrt successfully and diligently practiced with nitrogen hypoxia, and have found myself learning a great deal about sodium nitrite.)
