Reading all the comments above, I am trying to understand - I really am. It sounds painful that you would consider ctb, but not feeling sad. Loneliness, isolation, frustration can be contributory factors. Thinking put aloud - would it make a different if someone volunteered helping vulnerable people to appreciate life? This really is an innocent question as I am naturally curious and hoping that I am not hurting or insulting anyone here..,
Let me explain why I am trying to understand. I am trying my utter best to cling on to life as I have a couple of people that I care for and need to be here for them. My early start in my life till my teens was filled with every kind of horrendous abuse imaginable (sadly this seems to be a shared experience with so many on this forum). My life now is filed with horrible flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation, pain and I have CPTSD, CFS, autism amongst a number of other challenges. I would feel so much better if I felt sure that I would survive this journey of life and see the people who I look after are grown up and okay. It is a constant work I progress - I am still trying to deal with an overdose I took yesterday (whilst I was dissociated) and not even sure whether it will kill me off in a few days as I have not reached out for medical care - hence gambling between life and death..,
I would really appreciate if someone would kindly explain all this to me. I am feeling like crap and it is and hope that I haven't hurt anyone - a personal dread of mine is hurting someone without realising or by being blind to other people's pain.