anyone else not able to exist without constant distraction

[depthss]

i used to drink a lot and do a couple different drugs, and ive recently stopped doing that because of my psychologist. however, i just feel such an intense boredom, emptiness and unhappiness without anything. now, i tend to binge eat a lot and then spend pretty much the entire day exercising. it keeps me occupied, mentally as well as physically, for the entire day, and it really feels that void. and when i was younger, before i started getting drunk or high all the time, i used to try and distract myself with tv and youtube for pretty much 12 hours a day.
when i didnt have access to anything, id try to make myself sick, anxious, or just self harm. i dont know why i just always need to be feeling something. that empty/bored feeling is just so overwhelming. does anyone else operate like this?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Distractions do nothing for me personally

 

[apearl]

I don't do drugs but I kind of have this problem too, if I give myself time to exist with just my thoughts I get insane anxiety or uncomfort, so I am occupied either walking for hours or doom scrolling on social media apps. I don't really know how to even combat it because I feel so bad when I try to stop distracting myself so much. If I got my life together maybe it would go away. Hope you can find peace though.

 

[TennTrixie]

For those looking for distractions, what do you do for work? Does that not provide enough distraction? Could you possibly need a different job to provide more of a distraction? Or something that can be enjoyable?

 

[Whale_bones]

I exist by being heavily disassociated and constantly have distractions like a funny/comforting YT video or show going. I only have a few shows I like, but I've played them to the point of knowing each word and phrase and emotion the character is going through in every scene.

In the past I used to SH a lot to get through the day, I suppose I've switched that for heavy disassociation and distractions that aren't harmful to my body. It's no way to live, it just keeps me alive.

I know the circumstances of my reality are things that logically lead me to choosing CTB... that's already been thought through at every level. So while I'm forcing myself to stay alive, this is what it takes.

I think distractions can be positive though, if, for example, you haven't decided on CTB and are using distractions to get through to the future, where things have a chance of changing for you. It's situation dependent. Either way, it's a difficult way to exist, sending you comfort

 

[derpyderpins]

To make it through a work day I definitely do, but now that I'm older I can relax at least a bit on off days.

For those looking for distractions, what do you do for work? Does that not provide enough distraction? Could you possibly need a different job to provide more of a distraction? Or something that can be enjoyable?

"Job" "enjoyable"

Pick one.

 

[-Link-]

It's no way to live, it just keeps me alive.

Echoing this... I rely heavily on distraction and dissociation to get through my days, and it's just pure survival.

If you feel yourself falling towards this point, try to stop yourself by any means necessary. It's very dark down here.

 

[lok_sat]

i basically can't exist without constantly distracting myself, i used to game and draw all day nonstop not even getting up for food or bathroom breaks but ever since losing interest in both due to worsening mental state i ended up leaning more towards drinking and self harm as a way to cpe or just go by the area i plan to cbt at and just let time pass.

 

[sariff]

yes, starting from a very young age
my PC wasted my life away

 

[afternoontea]

"Job" "enjoyable"

Pick one.

Yeah I feel this too. A while ago I got a job in a field I was actually interested in instead of doing the 9-5 drive thru and I couldn't even manage to do that without my depression fucking it up.

I just no call no showed like I did with practically all my other jobs since high school. What's the point in trying when you can't even manage to do a "easy" (it was mostly desk work) job you're passionate for?

 

[derpyderpins]

Yeah I feel this too. A while ago I got a job in a field I was actually interested in instead of doing the 9-5 drive thru and I couldn't even manage to do that without my depression fucking it up.

I just no call no showed like I did with practically all my other jobs since high school. What's the point in trying when you can't even manage to do a "easy" (it was mostly desk work) job you're passionate for?

It could be "come sit in this room and do whatever you want for 8 hours, just answer emails as they come up and make a record of your activities" and I'm convinced I would still hate it.

 

[WallowingWillow]

yep. Distractions and sleep are my only escapes. If I'm not distracted or asleep, I'm in my thoughts, which means I'm being tormented.

 

[4lw4ysst4gn4t]

i used to drink a lot and do a couple different drugs, and ive recently stopped doing that because of my psychologist. however, i just feel such an intense boredom, emptiness and unhappiness without anything. now, i tend to binge eat a lot and then spend pretty much the entire day exercising. it keeps me occupied, mentally as well as physically, for the entire day, and it really feels that void. and when i was younger, before i started getting drunk or high all the time, i used to try and distract myself with tv and youtube for pretty much 12 hours a day.
when i didnt have access to anything, id try to make myself sick, anxious, or just self harm. i dont know why i just always need to be feeling something. that empty/bored feeling is just so overwhelming. does anyone else operate like this?

I get it. I always have something playing in the backround ( god forbids i have a thought haha). I also have the need to be high all the time. Even if i dont necessarily like the effects of that particular drug I just need to have something to change my mindset in that very moment. I think that is why most people do drugs, its not always the feeling you get out of it, but the action of being able to control the way you are feeling, even if the substance could make it worse. Its still control.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes but, the same as Whale_bones. I constantly have stuff on in the background to distract me. Music, films, box sets, pod casts- whatever. The same as them- often things I've seen many times before. Plus, my actual job takes up a huge amount of my time and it can be very monotonous so- I just drift off. Hours disappear and, it's time for bed again.

 

[iloveyouihateyou]

i definitely feel this way, even when i don't think i'm actively doing it, i'm still constantly checking my phone or blasting music for hours on end (although music i don't see as much of a distraction cause i actually enjoy it)

at an early age i started turning a blind eye to my shitty home life by constantly being on the computer and now that i actually have to do shit being on drugs is how i "enhance" being alive in a way, ranging from having a cigarette at work or with friends or secretly being on xanax for a whole week while interacting with people. i definitely over indulge in that sort of stuff and of course it's bad for me long term but i don't care cause life's too short and i'm too miserable to care right now...

sometimes i regret overindulging in all of this shit that i do but now i can't even imagine life without it cause really i can't stomach the world sober/without distraction. it's a shame but again i don't care enough to do anything about it other than rot

I think that is why most people do drugs, its not always the feeling you get out of it, but the action of being able to control the way you are feeling, even if the substance could make it worse. Its still control.

and as someone who uses i agree with this statement 100% it's not even about a specific effect anymore it's just about feeling something "different" on command