Anyone else never really wanted anything out of life?

[Volatile]

Being alive is totally unnecessary.

 

[TheCrow]

Not at the beginning, but now I feel that way. If I had the choice between a fabulous new life and a painless death right now, I'd choose death. I'm so over it.

 

[TheCrow]

Being alive is totally unnecessary.

Seriously.

 

[Final Escape]

For me it was as if I wasn't aware that I wanted things or suppressed my unconscious desires because I wasn't sure what would make me fulfilled. Also I didn't feel that secure feeling that things would mostly work out for me. It was maybe that I didn't think I deserved things or felt I had little value. Looking back I'm horrified that this is the narrative that was implanted inside myself because nobody should be walking around thinking they are screwed when u are just beginning life. Something is not right when you are starting your life and thinking you won't be able to succeed at things. It means that the adults all throughout your early life basically failed u. Society failed you. Then on top of it other adults will exploit young people that are naive and just starting out using you for their own selfish interests. Or misguide u for their own benefit but not for your longterm benefit.

 

[TheCrow]

For me it was as if I wasn't aware that I wanted things or suppressed my unconscious desires because I wasn't sure what would make me happy. Also I didn't feel that secure feeling that things would mostly work out for me. It was maybe that I didn't think I deserved things or felt I had little value. Looking back I'm horrified that this is the narrative that was implanted inside myself because nobody should be walking around thinking they are screwed when u are just beginning life. Something is not right when you are starting your life and thinking you won't be able to succeed at things. It means that the adults all throughout your early life basically failed u. Society failed you. Then on top of it other adults will exploit young people that are naive and just starting out using you for their own selfish interests. Or misguide u for their own benefit but not for your longterm benefit.

I'm putting together some of the pieces of the puzzle of your story that I know, and it both saddens and angers me. I'm so sorry this world has let you down. You should've been protected. You are precious. I hope you find the strength to rid yourself of the parasites in your life.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Well I went through years of arrogance and "wanting to be someone." I still kind of struggle with that now. On some level I notice I am a proud person and want success. But life has humbled me so many times that the whole thing sort of feels pointless and vain. Plus I know with what I am up against that I'll just never get there. I am really disillusioned with life. It feels like an exam that I've flunked horribly.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm putting together some of the pieces of the puzzle of your story that I know, and it both saddens and angers me. I'm so sorry this world has let you down. You should've been protected. You are precious. I hope you find the strength to rid yourself of the parasites in your life.

Yes but I know how common this is these days. There are vested interests in not educating and guiding the young properly, to get you to behave in ways that benefit the establishment and not yourself. I know I'm far from the only kid who was ensnared into the wrong things, having corrupted worldview, and not having mentors who had my best interest so I could make good life decisions early. I got myself into student loan debt, but had I known I was goin to struggle with those jobs I wouldn't have ever went. This is an example how younger gens get screwed, you think u need to go to school but all you're really guaranteed is debt.

 

[Final Escape]

Well I went through years of arrogance and "wanting to be someone." I still kind of struggle with that now. On some level I notice I am a proud person and want success. But life has humbled me so many times that the whole thing sort of feels pointless and vain. Plus I know with what I am up against that I'll just never get there. I am really disillusioned with life. It feels like an exam that I've flunked horribly.

Yes this is what they want u to feel like. I remember being around 22 and just felt so disillusioned and wondering what my actual options are for the longterm. What should I be wanting and what is worth aiming at? If we had an education system that was truly about the children's future, you would at least have some clue about how to conduct your life and prepare u to deal with at least the basics. Understanding money might have been helpful but it's purposely left out of public school education. If you understand the financial system you will be more likely to make responsible decisions accordingly. Less likely to go into debt for example. Debt is an instrument of enslavement.

 

[TheCrow]

Yes but I know how common this is these days. There are vested interests in not educating and guiding the young properly, to get you to behave in ways that benefit the establishment and not yourself. I know I'm far from the only kid who was ensnared into the wrong things, having corrupted worldview, and not having mentors who had my best interest so I could make good life decisions early. I got myself into student loan debt, but had I known I was goin to struggle with those jobs I wouldn't have ever went. This is an example how younger gens get screwed, you think u need to go to school but all you're really guaranteed is debt.

Yeah, that's true. Once I deciding to stop teaching, my college degree was worthless. Couldn't get a job to save my life. Was overqualified for minimum wage jobs, and didn't have the right experience for entry level jobs in a new field.

 

[21Neberg]

I just wish life had a way of asking a person if they wanted to be born. Ofcourse that impossible, but just imagine it. So many people could just choose not to be born, and instead someone who does like life would be born. People wouldnt be out here trying to fucking end it all.

 

[21Neberg]

Yeah, that's true. Once I deciding to stop teaching, my college degree was worthless. Couldn't get a job to save my life. Was overqualified for minimum wage jobs, and didn't have the right experience for entry level jobs in a new field.

May I ask what you taught at school?

 

[TheCrow]

May I ask what you taught at school?

Middle school English and ESL (English as a Second Language).

 

[21Neberg]

Middle school English and ESL (English as a Second Language).

Thats cool! I always loved English classes, because I never had to study much for them :)

 

[TheCrow]

Thats cool! I always loved English classes, because I never had to study much for them :)

Right?! I pretty much failed everything else.

 

[mattwitt]

There's all kinds of things I wanted out of life ! For a while I had hope in the future... Now I have no future whatsoever !!!

 

[Dor]

Right?! I pretty much failed everything else.

English and maths for me were always piece of cake in high school.

 

[bigj75]

I just wish life had a way of asking a person if they wanted to be born. Ofcourse that impossible, but just imagine it. So many people could just choose not to be born, and instead someone who does like life would be born. People wouldnt be out here trying to fucking end it all.

True

 

[Kyrok]

I sometimes feel like I live a parody, lampoon, or sick joke alternative to the life I always wanted: an elite thinktank. Instead, i have a shithole fucked up policy/resesrch job.

I'm getting too old to have anything better now, so either retirement or suicide. One way or another. I want to be done.
Just tonight I started getting calls at 11:30 as people were freaking out about a new regulatory document and spent almost 2hrs on the phone putting out fires. No more. Please. No more. I just want to rest.

 

[Final Escape]

I sometimes feel like I live a parody, lampoon, or sick joke alternative to the life I always wanted: an elite thinktank. Instead, i have a shithole fucked up policy/resesrch job.

I'm getting too old to have anything better now, so either retirement or suicide. One way or another. I want to be done.
Just tonight I started getting calls at 11:30 as people were freaking out about a new regulatory document and spent almost 2hrs on the phone putting out fires. No more. Please. No more. I just want to rest.

Yea that would be a stressful job sounds like. 11:30 at night?

 

[Final Escape]

I just wish life had a way of asking a person if they wanted to be born. Ofcourse that impossible, but just imagine it. So many people could just choose not to be born, and instead someone who does like life would be born. People wouldnt be out here trying to fucking end it all.

That would be much more humane, instead of being thrown into some bad situation where your parents are unprepared, immature, abusive.

 

[NumbItAll]

I just wish life had a way of asking a person if they wanted to be born. Ofcourse that impossible, but just imagine it. So many people could just choose not to be born, and instead someone who does like life would be born. People wouldnt be out here trying to fucking end it all.

And since that is impossible, antinatalism is the most reasonable position to take.

 

[TheCrow]

English and maths for me were always piece of cake in high school.

Lucky you! I couldn't get past Advanced Algebra. Granted, I didn't do the homework, slept in class, and turned my tests in blank, but...

 

[waived]

How strange it is to be anything at all.

 

[Kyrok]

Yea that would be a stressful job sounds like. 11:30 at night?

Yup. 11:30pm. I could have ignored, of course. But if I did, the fire would have just grown.

All I want is to be done and I'm so fucking exhausted, I don't know how I'll make it even 4 more years till retirement

 

[TAW122]

I would say that I wished I was never born, never be able to experience pain nor pleasure. But alas, my parents decided to make love with each other, and I am the result of their creation, without any say in it. Since I'm a sentient being and do experience pleasure and pain, I would say that yes there are a few things I want in life. Growing up, always being the underdog in just about all areas of life (video games don't count -- and even then I'm garbage in modern standards even.. but that's another story.). Anything to give me some semblance of power, control, respect, and of course pleasure at times is a godsend for me. So in short, I guess you could say I'm trying to gain and maintain bodily autonomy so I am able to go on my own terms (though it would have been easier if I never existed to begin with).

 

[StillWaiting]

I do have some hopes to do the things I want to do before leaving but I guess it is impossible for me to accomplish them.
Then again I came to realize all the enjoyment I can get is just distracting me from all the painful things in life so I wish I was never born to believe in hopes.

 

[throwaway123]

Yes, I never saw the point. Why continue to exist if I eventually will cease to exist? Why live in a world like this?

 

[wanttodie]

I wish I was never born, never

 

[Tara2018]

My family always had high hopes and expectations because I was intelligent and a perfect student... but I was struggling inside.
I always thought it's unnecessary...
I finished law school but just because they wanted...
I never wanted anything just my self destructive life.
I never wanted to go to law school.. They forced me.. I never wanted anything, I never cared anything or anybody.
I always thought I will never live until I'm 29 so I never really cared...

 

[stellabelle]

I don't. I don't want to be a wage slave drowning in debt trying to get by with some car note, house payment, significant other, and support a bunch of children...the cookie cutter life doesn't fit for me. I gave up all of my dream jobs, I will never have those, I really don't want anything in life anymore knowing I will never be happy or forgive anybody or heal from this.