Venting Anyone else live with an abusive alcoholic?

[DemonicAngel]

Im stuck living with my mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive alcoholic mother. I don't make enough money to leave. I have been dealing with her for 34 years and frankly I'm tired. I'd rather her just beat the shit outta me. Like when I was in high school I started cutting because the psychical pain was better than everything else going on. I have tried everything to get away. All the resources my state has are maxed out.I have been depressed and anxious my whole life and she makes things worse. I have borderline (and other stuff) and I've been hospitalized against my will 6 damn times. She talks about wanting me dead, well I want me dead too! Of course when that happens she's play the poor grieving mother role. I have no friends and I have always felt like I don't belong here. I don't even know why I'm here now cept for that damn SI. Anyways...just looking for some comfort from the only place I have ever felt any.

 

[Foresight]

My father was an angry alcoholic and that experience and environment is what destroyed my mind and body. Parents like this create us just to drown us over time. It's sickening. If and when I ctb if he's still alive I'll die on his birthday. I want it to be known. I'd let that immature but honest gesture happen.

Christ you deserve better, it's inhumane to put your child through that and say you want them dead after it all. I wish nothing but healing for you, that person you're dealing will face reality when their time comes. It's so hard to climb out when you've been held down since day 1. I really wish you strength and lots of love and support your way.

 

[MountainMonkey]

My mother is an abusive alcoholic. She really did a number on my mental health. She binge drinks for weeks at a time. It's as if a demon has possessed her. She screams insults before becoming physical. If she wanted to fight she wouldn't take no for an answer.

I took care of her for most of my 30's when she lost her house. I started using drugs to cope. I learned my lesson.

You don't owe your parents anything. Stop feeling guilty. I no longer talk to my mom. A simple phone call to her causes anxiety.

We can't choose our family, if they are toxic we are better off without them.

I hope you find a way out of your situation. Never listen to the guilt trips. Just leave as soon as you can.

 

[LeavingEarly]

Im stuck living with my mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive alcoholic mother. I don't make enough money to leave. I have been dealing with her for 34 years and frankly I'm tired. I'd rather her just beat the shit outta me. Like when I was in high school I started cutting because the psychical pain was better than everything else going on. I have tried everything to get away. All the resources my state has are maxed out.I have been depressed and anxious my whole life and she makes things worse. I have borderline (and other stuff) and I've been hospitalized against my will 6 damn times. She talks about wanting me dead, well I want me dead too! Of course when that happens she's play the poor grieving mother role. I have no friends and I have always felt like I don't belong here. I don't even know why I'm here now cept for that damn SI. Anyways...just looking for some comfort from the only place I have ever felt any.

Really sorry for your struggles. I am 34 and my father has early onset alzheimer's. So I am in a similar situation in my opinion. I have been hospitalized 10 times and 9 were against my will so I completely know your struggle. I used to have my own condo and vehicles ect ect but lost it all due to schitzoaffective disorder. Anyways I just didn't want you to feel alone in your struggles. I tried hanging myself twice to get out of this.

 

[RetroChaos]

Abusive no, but it does beg the question as to when one does cross the alcoholic threshold. I'm pretty sure both my dad and to a higher extent my mum are and it is getting more and more worrying each day. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when they both drink. Prehaps this is the first step from your own experience?

 

[HateMyPointlessLife]

Im stuck living with my mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive alcoholic mother. I don't make enough money to leave. I have been dealing with her for 34 years and frankly I'm tired. I'd rather her just beat the shit outta me. Like when I was in high school I started cutting because the psychical pain was better than everything else going on. I have tried everything to get away. All the resources my state has are maxed out.I have been depressed and anxious my whole life and she makes things worse. I have borderline (and other stuff) and I've been hospitalized against my will 6 damn times. She talks about wanting me dead, well I want me dead too! Of course when that happens she's play the poor grieving mother role. I have no friends and I have always felt like I don't belong here. I don't even know why I'm here now cept for that damn SI. Anyways...just looking for some comfort from the only place I have ever felt any.

My mother is also an abusive alcoholic. She has been all my life. It is so draining. And she will never ever give up alcohol. I feel like I can't plan anything in my life because of how unpredictable and draining she is. I have mental health problems like BPD, social anxiety, depression, OCD and in recent years agoraphobia. And have sufferered long term insomnia due in large part to my mother's drinking, and can barely eat now a days because of stress, or leave the house. Everyone else enables her, and so she gets to continue drinking and being a cruel person. And she has always hated me for being the one who always disapproved of her drinking. She has mental health problems and alcohol makes them far worse. My mother also tells me she wants rid of me, but then she will turn around and act all heart broken whenever I try and die. It's so exhausting.

 

[almaranthine]

I ended up in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic man. I moved into an apartment with him to get out of my mom's house. I of course had myself convinced that there was nothing wrong with his drinking and that I shouldn't judge. At first, I felt like I'd have more freedom at this new place, and that I could handle the situation and it wouldn't be that bad compared to how strict and suffocating i felt it was to live with my mom. I was wrong, I should have appreciated my mom, even though she was very religious and had an onslaught of ocd-like rules, forbid drinking in the house, frowned on staying out late at night, wouldn't let me play any music out loud, and constantly had me helping her with an endless list of home improvement projects. I went from that to basically being this man's shut in sex-slave. I don't think I'll ever psychologically recover from that shit. I got out, moved back in with my mother after he went through my phone, found me talking to a friend out of state about leaving him, and threatened to lock me in the apartment.