I know just how you feel. My psychiatrist got changed (they change every year) and this new one seems like a person who's only a psychiatrist to get into girls's pants and get money by describing narc drugs. I honestly don't feel safe around him. He has a raper's aura around him. I want to file a sexual harassment report if he ever contacts or wants to meet me again.
I have tried to calm down, take breathing exercises, go to walks, play video games. They help me for a bit, but soon my mind just says "You have to defend yourself from that rapist narcissist. You have to make sure he is fired and you can get a new psychiatrist".
My gut feeling very rarely says "This is a raper", I've only felt this gut feeling a couple of times in my life, thus I trust it. Always trust your gut feeling, it's your sixth sense.
I have never liked a single psychiatrist, but at least most of the previous ones were people whom I only met once a year and who said "Here's meds. Tell your psychologist to message me if you ever need anything again.". Then if I wanted some medicine (for example sleeping pills), I'd just message my psychologist and he'd tell the psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist would write me some. I would never have to meet the psych. Sometimes the psychologist would ask "Have you taken drugs?" I'd either lie "yeah, yeah" or say "I can do without" and he'd be like "okay".
I also fear he'll threaten me with "thought jail" for not sucking his dick.
EDIT: Now I realized why I get the feeling he's a rapist! It's because I've met a man like him before. It was when I lived in my first apartment, and a middle-aged repairman came to fix something. He seemed nice, we chatted a little while he repaired what he needed to, and I didn't suspect anything. Then he later called me, after his work day had ended, he was drunk and he complained about his work, he complained to me about how he had to wake up early and how he had a long work day. All this time I just listened to him quietly. I didn't like how he was complaining to an almost complete stranger about his work day. Then he told me that my fridge (which was only about 4 years old if I recall correctly) was really old and poisonous. I asked him in what way is a 4 year old fridge poisonous and old, but he just insisted he'll get me a new fridge. I've never heard of any fridge made since 1990s being poisonous, so I knew he was being crazy. Then he suddenly said "You're really nice. There's something about you. I'm really interested in you.". I was terrified of a middle-aged (and a really ugly middle-aged man at that) repairman, whom I had only met once and that was in a work situation, calling me after work, first to complain about how his job and life sucks and then to try and get into my pants. The next day the man called me several times from both his work phone and his personal phone, but I didn't answer. I mustered up all my courage, which was really hard as an asperger with huge social anxities, and called the firm where that man works to complain about his behavior and tell them all he said to me. He should have been fired. I was really afraid of him breaking into my apartment (because repairmen have keys) and raping me. The man who answered and listened to me was really dumb. Instead of condeming his behavior, he asked me questions about the fridge. "Your fridge is pretty new if it's only 4 years old, but if the repairman says it's poisonous, maybe we should change it" or something like that. Like who the fuck cares about the fridge in that kind of situation!? He didn't care at all for me or for the guy's behavior! And I told him that repairman had been drunk and crazy. Well, in the end he agreed to send another repairman. This time a much younger man (who was in looks the total opposite of the previous man), who entered the apartment, fixed the things quickly, and left so fast I almost didn't have a chanche to say goodbye.
Good things: the repairman never contacted me again nor ever tried to enter my apartment
Bad things: I chatted with some young girls and they said the repairman had tried to get sex from them too. They said the repairman had just one day entered their apartment, said "You said your toilet needs fixing" and then flirted with the girls while pretending to fix the toilet, even though the toilet was okay and the girls hadn't called anyone to fix the toilet.
Worse things: They didn't fire him. Instead they later made him the "official" repairman of the building, and printed his face on the building's hallway's wall so that every day I had to see his face and name unless I purposely stared elsewhere.
Worst things: (things like these make me believe this is a virtual reality or clown world something) the man shares the exact same name with my parents's (and my ex) neighbor. The exact same surname and first name. And they're both middle-aged men who look a bit similar. So for the longest time, every time I saw my neighbor or heard about my neigbor I was reminded of that rapist.
I was so horrified of it all that I started to pretend it never happened in order to forget it.
