anyone else here wants to die because of poverty and medical issues?

[Schizo_turk]

36 years old male here, with Schizophrenia living with mom (dad died a long time ago) I don't have any qualifications or income I am disabled and there is no welfare in my under developed country my hairline is receding due to how much I stress on my future in every single hour once my mom passes away I will be beyond doomed nobody in my family will support me they all live far away and they can barely support their own survival let alone to support another useless eater, I am scared of hunger and homeleness, my mom already has health issues but nothing too severe (yet) I am also in regular need of medication and psychward visits, I even sometime get an urge to take an axe and kill someone, thankfully my visists to the psychward prevent me for ever doing this, i am considering either short form hunging or charcoal poisoning when my mom dies, all i ask for from life is a job that can sustain my basic needs.
currently, i am saving some posts here about some C.T.B methods in my google drive account, because i fear this site will get taken down on the long/mid run, but, i am also willing to be an active member here and engage with other people who i can relate too, this is a one of a kind place, hopefully we can support/help eachother, after all, i have no plans to C.T.B at anytime soon, so might as well be an active member here.

 

[Bruce]

Hello @Schizo_turk! Welcome to SaSu!

I would say not to focus too much on your appearance but mostly on your health. Appearance will follow.

I would say not to stress too much and instead think of alternative ways to earn a living, it doesn't have to be the usual job, just some way to make some money. If you have someone in the countryside then you could move there. Nature helps. Growing your own stuff is not very expensive and it means you will eat healthier. I would say not stress but I know how hard it is and .. who am I kidding, I stress too. Maybe try to stress less?

I'm sorry that your options are limited when it comes to medical help for your affection. Maybe find people to talk to if medics won't help. I'm sorry, I don't know how schizophrenia is treated.

Maybe others have better suggestions?

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Hello, thanks for sharing this. It is so hard to live. I have a lot of debt and everytime I think about it I get stressed. My kids, husband, and me perfecting my music craft are all I have. Even then I often find myself wanting to CTB. The new year started off crappy. I hope tjings get better for you soon.

 

[Schizo_turk]

Hello @Schizo_turk! Welcome to SaSu!

I would say not to focus too much on your appearance but mostly on your health. Appearance will follow.

I would say not to stress too much and instead think of alternative ways to earn a living, it doesn't have to be the usual job, just some way to make some money. If you have someone in the countryside then you could move there. Nature helps. Growing your own stuff is not very expensive and it means you will eat healthier. I would say not stress but I know how hard it is and .. who am I kidding, I stress too. Maybe try to stress less?

I'm sorry that your options are limited when it comes to medical help for your affection. Maybe find people to talk to if medics won't help. I'm sorry, I don't know how schizophrenia is treated.

Maybe others have better suggestions?

Ah, i do not really care for my looks or hair, i even stopped caring for dating after schizophrenia-pills killed my sex drive, but my family has a good genes for hair, so my hair loss can only be caused by how much i stress over my future, i can't afford to stay away from civilization, like i said i need regular pills and vists to the psychiatry or else i might end up doing things that will lead me to entering jail, thanks for the input anyways.

Hello, thanks for sharing this. It is so hard to live. I have a lot of debt and everytime I think about it I get stressed. My kids, husband, and me perfecting my music craft are all I have. Even then I often find myself wanting to CTB. The new year started off crappy. I hope tjings get better for you soon.

Please stay well, C.T.B when you have a family to take care of sounds really, really, tragic, i am sorry because life leads you to think about it sometimes.

 

[nyckid9]

36 years old male here, with Schizophrenia living with mom (dad died a long time ago) I don't have any qualifications or income I am disabled and there is no welfare in my under developed country my hairline is receding due to how much I stress on my future in every single hour once my mom passes away I will be beyond doomed nobody in my family will support me they all live far away and they can barely support their own survival let alone to support another useless eater, I am scared of hunger and homeleness, my mom already has health issues but nothing too severe (yet) I am also in regular need of medication and psychward visits, I even sometime get an urge to take an axe and kill someone, thankfully my visists to the psychward prevent me for ever doing this, i am considering either short form hunging or charcoal poisoning when my mom dies, all i ask for from life is a job that can sustain my basic needs.
currently, i am saving some posts here about some C.T.B methods in my google drive account, because i fear this site will get taken down on the long/mid run, but, i am also willing to be an active member here and engage with other people who i can relate too, this is a one of a kind place, hopefully we can support/help eachother, after all, i have no plans to C.T.B at anytime soon, so might as well be an active member here.

I am in much the same boat, man. My medical situation especially is very dire as I have a spinal injury of a kind that leaves me in severe pain around the clock and it has impacted my ability to t even think clearly. just wanted to say you aren't alone

 

[Schizo_turk]

I am in much the same boat, man. My medical situation especially is very dire as I have a spinal injury of a kind that leaves me in severe pain around the clock and it has impacted my ability to t even think clearly. just wanted to say you aren't alone

Yes, does your family support you financially?

 

[Schizo_turk]

EDITED: i just found out about the shallow water black out method, sounds very interesting, i guess it gets to become my third option.

 

[atre]

EDITED: i just found out about the shallow water black out method, sounds very interesting, i guess it gets to become my third option.

I suggest first try and see how long can you hold your breath with hyperventilation. That method is unfortunately not for anyone, because some people cannot hold their breath to the point of losing consciousness. I remember my first time reading that thread, and experimenting with hyperventilation over 1 week, daily. And sadly the only thing it did for me was doubling or tripleng the time I could hold my breath normally.

If you actually can hold it until losing consciousness, then it sounds interesting yeah.

 

[Schizo_turk]

I have minor breathing issues (especially in regards to my nose) but yes, everyone's bodies are different, i just like how efficient it sounds like, since many C.T.B methods require material that is costy or hard to put your hands on.

I suggest first try and see how long can you hold your breath with hyperventilation. That method is unfortunately not for anyone, because some people cannot hold their breath to the point of losing consciousness. I remember my first time reading that thread, and experimenting with hyperventilation over 1 week, daily. And sadly the only thing it did for me was doubling or tripleng the time I could hold my breath normally.

If you actually can hold it until losing consciousness, then it sounds interesting yeah.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

36 years old male here, with Schizophrenia living with mom (dad died a long time ago) I don't have any qualifications or income I am disabled and there is no welfare in my under developed country my hairline is receding due to how much I stress on my future in every single hour once my mom passes away I will be beyond doomed nobody in my family will support me they all live far away and they can barely support their own survival let alone to support another useless eater, I am scared of hunger and homeleness, my mom already has health issues but nothing too severe (yet) I am also in regular need of medication and psychward visits, I even sometime get an urge to take an axe and kill someone, thankfully my visists to the psychward prevent me for ever doing this, i am considering either short form hunging or charcoal poisoning when my mom dies, all i ask for from life is a job that can sustain my basic needs.
currently, i am saving some posts here about some C.T.B methods in my google drive account, because i fear this site will get taken down on the long/mid run, but, i am also willing to be an active member here and engage with other people who i can relate too, this is a one of a kind place, hopefully we can support/help eachother, after all, i have no plans to C.T.B at anytime soon, so might as well be an active member here.

For me, it's actually the fear of poverty and health conditions. I feel like I'm living on a timer since certain health conditions run in the family. American healthcare is atrocious so I feel like I'll inevitably get cancer before I'm 40-50, and then have no way to get help. That fear terrifies me

 

[Schizo_turk]

i know what you mean, my schizophrenia is not all THAT bad at the moment, since i can afford medication and psychiatry visists, and i have internet, a roof over my head, and food, but once my mom passes away, everything will be nightmare-ish, so yes, i relate.

For me, it's actually the fear of poverty and health conditions. I feel like I'm living on a timer since certain health conditions run in the family. American healthcare is atrocious so I feel like I'll inevitably get cancer before I'm 40-50, and then have no way to get help. That fear terrifies me

 

[human909]

i don't know if this count as a medical issue but if it isn't it is still driving me insane and causing me to wanna ctb and i want to cause i don't see me recovering and living happy ever again.

 

[Schizo_turk]

i don't know if this count as a medical issue but if it isn't it is still driving me insane and causing me to wanna ctb and i want to cause i don't see me recovering and living happy ever again.

what are you suffering from?

 

[human909]

what are you suffering from?

severe social anxiety and autism, don't know if that counts though.

 

[Schizo_turk]

Oh, you are like me, interacting with others is VERY hard for me, i have 0 friends IRL, never had.

severe social anxiety and autism, don't know if that counts though.

 

[human909]

Oh, you are like me, interacting with others is VERY hard for me, i have 0 friends IRL, never had.

yeah and it sucks completely, that's why i am just trying to get out of this planet as soon as possible.

 

[Ravel]

same here. I can't even sleep well without benzos, the fear and anxiety is too strong. I feel hopeless. social anxiety ruined my life

 

[Schizo_turk]

yeah and it sucks completely, that's why i am just trying to get out of this planet as soon as possible.

life is extra harder when you are entirely alone and have autism, you would even struggle to get so

same here. I can't even sleep well without benzos, the fear and anxiety is too strong. I feel hopeless. social anxiety ruined my life

i only feel comfy in my home or when i am taking a walk, but social gatherings can easily ruin my day.

 

[needthebus]

are you applying to jobs?

 

[Schizo_turk]

are you applying to jobs?

I can't even work even if i got a job offer, i have schizophrenicc episode and i need regular vists for the psychiatry, sometimes they last up to over a month

 

[needthebus]

I can't even work even if i got a job offer, i have schizophrenicc episode and i need regular vists for the psychiatry, sometimes they last up to over a month

that's not totally true

you could do something online in which you get paid by the hour, and then disappear when you have flair ups. For instance, you could do data entry and offer your services online, and then do that 6 out of 12 months out of the year

you had said you wish you could have a job. you could try to make your own job that is low pay, data entry, and just you're only available sometimes. just never take a job that will take over 48 hours to complete in case your symptoms start getting worse. you could also make stuff online and only do it when feeling well. there's stuff you can do if you are occasionally incapacitated and desperately want to work and feel okay some of the time, although it wouldn't be easy

 

[Schizo_turk]

that's not totally true

you could do something online in which you get paid by the hour, and then disappear when you have flair ups. For instance, you could do data entry and offer your services online, and then do that 6 out of 12 months out of the year

you had said you wish you could have a job. you could try to make your own job that is low pay, data entry, and just you're only available sometimes. just never take a job that will take over 48 hours to complete in case your symptoms start getting worse. you could also make stuff online and only do it when feeling well. there's stuff you can do if you are occasionally incapacitated and desperately want to work and feel okay some of the time, although it wouldn't be easy

I tried to get into translating as an E.S.L and english is the only skill i have, and i could not find anything for me in any major freelancing website, albeit a lot of it is behind pay walls, i have been told to get into coding, but my PC is too old for coding, i am literally typing this from a 2007 computer.

 

[Daxter777]

Im in a simular situation to you. My mom helps me because im not working at the moment. I don't think i will be able to work a conventional job in all honesty. Have you considered learning coding, graphic design, maybe excel and word to do remote jobs. Maybe start a youtube channel? Just some ideas

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Im in a simular situation to you. My mom helps me because im not working at the moment. I don't think i will be able to work a conventional job in all honesty. Have you considered learning coding, graphic design, maybe excel and word to do remote jobs. Maybe start a youtube channel? Just some ideas

Just a word of advice. I can only speak for the US, and obviously OP is in a different country, or at least that's how it sounds, but coding is getting fairly saturated and harder to get into. Even degree holders are having trouble. This could honestly be a regional issue but I felt like it should be noted due to how demotivating it can be to go through the effort of learning coding and possibly not being able to land a job. Freelance coding might work for some income, I suppose, though. Definitely agree with learning Microsoft Office tools for basic remote jobs, though!

 

[wheredidyouleaseme]

i relate to this a lot - feel like i dont have a life of my own or a way to make money
i will say once i tried to live independently, even making very little money, i was happier. i enjoyed taking care of myself and answering to myself, even though i was poor. I used a lot of govt support and charities to do it - eg went to a thrift store and explained my siutation and they hellped me with cheap furniture -
poverty doesn't make me suicidal, but medical issues, relate very well
have you got treatment for the szchizophrenia? Sorry for ur struggles and pain, sending a hug.

 

[Schizo_turk]

Im in a simular situation to you. My mom helps me because im not working at the moment. I don't think i will be able to work a conventional job in all honesty. Have you considered learning coding, graphic design, maybe excel and word to do remote jobs. Maybe start a youtube channel? Just some ideas

I have a computer from 2007, not much i can with it, i even tried to get a job in translation, i tried some major freelancing websites, and i got no job offer, a lot of it is even behind pay-walls

i relate to this a lot - feel like i dont have a life of my own or a way to make money
i will say once i tried to live independently, even making very little money, i was happier. i enjoyed taking care of myself and answering to myself, even though i was poor. I used a lot of govt support and charities to do it - eg went to a thrift store and explained my siutation and they hellped me with cheap furniture -
poverty doesn't make me suicidal, but medical issues, relate very well
have you got treatment for the szchizophrenia? Sorry for ur struggles and pain, sending a hug.

i take my pills and go to the psych-ward when needed, if not for them, i would be in jail or worse, but medication has its limits, for now i can afford them since mom pays for them.

 

[Daxter777]

Just a word of advice. I can only speak for the US, and obviously OP is in a different country, or at least that's how it sounds, but coding is getting fairly saturated and harder to get into. Even degree holders are having trouble. This could honestly be a regional issue but I felt like it should be noted due to how demotivating it can be to go through the effort of learning coding and possibly not being able to land a job. Freelance coding might work for some income, I suppose, though. Definitely agree with learning Microsoft Office tools for basic remote jobs, though!

I honestly didn't know it's that saturated as i don't do it myself. I'm just thinking of ideas OP could use. Thanks for the info though

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I honestly didn't know it's that saturated as i don't do it myself. I'm just thinking of ideas OP could use. Thanks for the info though

To be fair, I am only a college student so idk how it's looking for graduates or self taught right now. I just hear that it's pretty bad.