Today wasn't terrible but it was just okay.
gnomeboy17
Specialist
- Feb 11, 2020
- 355
Yeah I get you. When things go well I feel like I'm bracing for something really bad to happen. It also makes me feel guilty that I wanted to ctb.
almost_dead
Arcanist
- Aug 7, 2020
- 465
Ren Elsie Jewelria
I sneezed!
- Aug 30, 2020
- 373
I do. When reading some really good comic book/manga and/or watching great anime, etc. Or making my "art", then it feels the best but it rarely happens.
valentine
Student
- Apr 2, 2019
- 101
Not very often but sometimes. I'm glad your day wasn't too bad.
Mm80
Enlightened
- May 15, 2019
- 1,604
Yeah but I think that's where the clue is almost. Days that aren't so bad.
Surely life should have plenty of enjoyment and happiness as well as the more darker emotions?
Glad your day wasn't so bad BTW and hopefully you can build on it.
262653
Cluesome
- Apr 5, 2018
- 1,733
I'm keeping the day's worth journal where I write in simple signs (plus, minus, wave ~) whether or not the day (split into six parts) felt like subjectively worth experiencing.
I've noticed a significant improvement once I stopped eating bread and peanut butter, which gave me stomach bloating and brain fog respectively. I used to get mostly minuses but now waves are more prevalent, and there are even some pluses here and there.
I've noticed a significant improvement once I stopped eating bread and peanut butter, which gave me stomach bloating and brain fog respectively. I used to get mostly minuses but now waves are more prevalent, and there are even some pluses here and there.
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ThrownAwayTom
Experienced
- Oct 3, 2020
- 276
This is an interesting idea - I might give this a go just out of curiosity and something to do. What do you find gives you the most pluses?
Hoping today is one that isn't so bad. Got a phone call in just over 2 hours which will determine if I'm fired or not, so it's got potential to be either awful, or just another mediocre contintuation. Let's watch!
Astronomer
GIF Geek
- Oct 6, 2020
- 149
I have more bad days than ok days, but i am grateful for the 'ok' days.
Red
Warlock
- Apr 10, 2019
- 744
That snifter of hope somehow makes it worse when it all comes crashing in again, makes me feel stupid for daring to think it might all be okay after all lol
Always that little voice in my head that says, "See, it is all crap."
Always that little voice in my head that says, "See, it is all crap."
262653
Cluesome
- Apr 5, 2018
- 1,733
I had four pluses over the last two weeks, and two pluses for the day in total, or when the day in total felt like worth experiencing.
1. Having fun on the kitchen. Sort of an improvised stand-up, but I'm the only one who gets the jokes. It's kinda hard to explain, and I didn't write down in detail what was it about, so I don't remember anymore.
2. New, very tasty cheese; fresh and interesting video game experience (Skyrim: Dragonborn)
3. Watched some red pill video, linked by SS member. The guy talks about how women doesn't care about you (the viewer), at the end of which he sells his "mastery" lessons. Funny, isn't it. But it was a good food for thought, all in all. Talks about the behavior of men and women concerning survival and reproduction.
4. Read this article: https://psyche.co/ideas/most-anguish-isnt-an-illness-but-an-evolved-response-to-adversity
Tries to explain certain things that correspond with personal experience, provides the entry points on various topics, basically another food of thought with interesting insights.
In all four cases I did something new and interesting. It's unlikely that I would be able to recall all of these events and reference them to the day's worth journal, if it wasn't for the written memory. Seriously, it's an extensive memory block. And it's free! It allows me to see a slightly bigger picture so I can evaluate different aspects of my life more accurately, and figure how to make myself feel better in the long run.
sadworld
existence is a nightmare
- Aug 25, 2020
- 3,870
Nope, everyday is the same, my life is really boring and painful, the only thing that's in my head is ctb, everyday all day long.
Lupgevif
.
- Jul 23, 2020
- 928
Absolutely, this last week was heaven compared to the last month. Everything just fell apart Monday, when I had a huge fight, but until then I was having a pretty good time (not in the sense I was feeling the best, but at least I wasn't at rock bottom).
ThrownAwayTom
Experienced
- Oct 3, 2020
- 276
That's really cool man. I'm going to give that a go - We're all in the same boat but it's admirable you take steps you know will make you feel better in the long run.
It may be 2020 but it's never too late for some Skyrim :D
The past few weeks, more good hours than bad. I attribute this to activities that I have forced myself to do. Yesterday, I installed a deadbolt lock on a door. Four doors need them and two of them are steel. So I started on the easiest, a hollow core door that, if I screw it up, would be easier and cheapest to replace. It required drilling the holes, etc. Scary stuff! It was a challenge and though not perfect, turned out good. So a little pride helped a lot.
I also blocked two family members who are a source of much strife. There was an incident a few days ago that immediately sent me spiraling down and I realized it was my own fault if I continued contact with them. If I kept placing my hand in that snake pit, I will keep getting bitten. So just STOP! It feels pretty good to cut them off. Or at least it feels safe.
I also keep a journal. There is no one to talk to and this lets me express those feelings and thoughts. Curiously, on good days, I often skip writing. And more curiously, I post here on good days, not the bad. Go figure.
I also blocked two family members who are a source of much strife. There was an incident a few days ago that immediately sent me spiraling down and I realized it was my own fault if I continued contact with them. If I kept placing my hand in that snake pit, I will keep getting bitten. So just STOP! It feels pretty good to cut them off. Or at least it feels safe.
I also keep a journal. There is no one to talk to and this lets me express those feelings and thoughts. Curiously, on good days, I often skip writing. And more curiously, I post here on good days, not the bad. Go figure.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,706
I certainly do. On those days, I do function a bit better, but by and large, in the long term life still sucks and isn't going to be worth it enough for me to continue living for decades. I just have enough to postpone the inevitable, but when time and circumstances are right, I will punch my bus ticket.
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Buttlerix
Member
- Sep 28, 2020
- 33
Its usually when Im distracted enough or busy. But at the end of the day, the reality hits and I feel pressure to ctb, constanty thinking about it, but postponing it and feeling even worse
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
RottenDeer
Rotten to the core.
- Feb 29, 2020
- 157
I do. Not very good days but where everything is slightly less grey and more endurable.
NiuGnip
New Member
- May 25, 2020
- 3
I always had good phases. Good means that I'm distracted enough to feel good, too busy with things to feel down. But the second I slow down it comes back. Atm I have an amazing job and a good social net where I don't have anxiety about basic things or need to worry about my daily life. I would even consider my job the reason I'm most days in a good mood. Still in the morning when I drive there alone in my care I feel low and want to stop all this. Or on the way home even though I'm in a good mood, I think why not, from now on it can only get worse, right? It's borrowed time if that makes sense.
