Anyone else get anxious about not having their method?

[greatgooglymoogly]

I'm home from uni for winter break and won't get back to my apartment until mid-January. I planned to CTB by Christmas but my SN package was delayed and is getting to my school after I'm gone, so I guess I have to deal with it. Worst part is my debit card info got stolen so I'm without a payment method to get more shipped to my parents' house before then.

I just get so anxious when I don't have what I need to do it. I can't even explain why but I feel like having something I can use is the second most comforting thing to the idea of dying. I just wish I could have a cyanide pill in my pocket always. Maybe I would be happier in life if that were an option.

 

[Abyssal]

I have felt that way, but the feeling didn't go away after I ordered it. More so, it got replaced with fear of welfare checks or being found out or not even getting SN at all.

Granted, anxiety is my life.

 

[Gonnerr]

I got SN , from a very good source, but prefer N , i hope it will be back on the market soon.

With N , no pain , you just go to sleep and instead of waking up after 8 hours , you just don't wake , miraculous.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also feel trapped in this existence, I hate how we exist in this society where suicide is purposely made so inaccessible even know this world is filled with suffering. It'd be relieving if there was the option of a peaceful and guaranteed way to exit this existence there at all times, just to have access to a method like Nembutal certainly would be so incredibly comforting.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I don't know how to get SN and I'm left with painful methods I don't think I can pull. But the breaking point is near and I can't go on like this for many weeks...

 

[Deleted member 65988]

With N , no pain , you just go to sleep and instead of waking up after 8 hours , you just don't wake , miraculous.

What? Waking up after 8hrs

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Worst part is my debit card info got stolen so I'm without a payment method

Can't you get a new one shortly, from our bank? That shouldn't take too much time?

 

[sjoper1980]

I got SN , from a very good source, but prefer N , i hope it will be back on the market soon.

With N , no pain , you just go to sleep and instead of waking up after 8 hours , you just don't wake , miraculous.

Was your SN source the same as mine? The meat bloke in the UK?

 

[wilbursoot6969]

I felt anxious about not being able to get SN a few weeks ago in case I couldn't get it in time. Now that I've accepted I'm not getting SN any time soon that feeling has gone away.

 

[reiII]

im always afraid it's going to be too late for me to get SN. the future is greatly uncertain

 

[Gonnerr]

Was your SN source the same as mine? The meat bloke in the UK?

No a well known canadian source

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

I'm home from uni for winter break and won't get back to my apartment until mid-January. I planned to CTB by Christmas but my SN package was delayed and is getting to my school after I'm gone, so I guess I have to deal with it. Worst part is my debit card info got stolen so I'm without a payment method to get more shipped to my parents' house before then.

I just get so anxious when I don't have what I need to do it. I can't even explain why but I feel like having something I can use is the second most comforting thing to the idea of dying. I just wish I could have a cyanide pill in my pocket always. Maybe I would be happier in life if that were an option.

After my last two attempts (partial hanging) I got all my belts taken away from me. It has definitely made me anxious bcus I feel I have nothing non-painful left to CTB with now. I have access to razors and knives and stuff if I want to cut but that's too scary.

 

[tarococo]

Yes!! I used to be so anxious and desperate back when I didn't have a method, especially bc I really wanted to do partial but when I actually attempted I couldn't figure out how to do it

 

[mia_qwerty]

I got SN , from a very good source, but prefer N , i hope it will be back on the market soon.

With N , no pain , you just go to sleep and instead of waking up after 8 hours , you just don't wake , miraculous.

Are you in the UK? I'm looking for a source
Yes it's horrible. There have been soooo many moments that if I had an option I would have gone by now

 

[Gonnerr]

Are you in the UK? I'm looking for a source
Yes it's horrible. There have been soooo many moments that if I had an option I would have gone by now

No SN source but found out yesterday a new website selling N , and its not on nembutal scams website but they only ship to usa and ecuador. I hope they will had country, its only 60$ a bottle.

I guess its not a scam because scammers usually ask for way more.

 

[greatgooglymoogly]

Can't you get a new one shortly, from our bank? That shouldn't take too much time?

Waiting on one from my bank but still won't be here till after Christmas

After my last two attempts (partial hanging) I got all my belts taken away from me. It has definitely made me anxious bcus I feel I have nothing non-painful left to CTB with now. I have access to razors and knives and stuff if I want to cut but that's too scary.

I'm sorry, that's a really frustrating situation; I hope you're able to find something

 

[artax]

Very anxious, but I take some comfort in knowing charcoal should remain readily available.

 

[underscore_nine]

I'm home from uni for winter break and won't get back to my apartment until mid-January. I planned to CTB by Christmas but my SN package was delayed and is getting to my school after I'm gone, so I guess I have to deal with it. Worst part is my debit card info got stolen so I'm without a payment method to get more shipped to my parents' house before then.

I just get so anxious when I don't have what I need to do it. I can't even explain why but I feel like having something I can use is the second most comforting thing to the idea of dying. I just wish I could have a cyanide pill in my pocket always. Maybe I would be happier in life if that were an option.

i'm sorry OP, I find it quite unsettling i don't have my method yet, I would give anything for SN and an anti medic at this point

 

[DreamEnd]

I have had my sn for a year but really afraid to use it now

 

[sjoper1980]

Are you in the UK? I'm looking for a source
Yes it's horrible. There have been soooo many moments that if I had an option I would have gone by now

Yeah UK
Ahhh ok - I don't even know if the meat guy in the UK is still around. We got our SN from him and my friend used it successfully but that was back in summer

No a well known canadian source

 

[Antoine_Roquentin]

I can fully relate. I have my method, which is inert gas, but my country seems to be the only one in the EU where its really hard to get as a private citizen. I have an idea how to procur it, but I can only do it in ~two weeks and I am not sure if it will work out. This really stresses me out. I wish I would have my setup together so that I could ctb at any time if I want to

 

[helenhopeless]

I h

I have had my sn for a year but really afraid to use it now

Me too... maybe we could work through those anxieties?
For example, one is that I'll drink it and then SI or fear kicks in, and the anxiety might be a little overwhelming... but I suspect I can control that (zopiclone is good for not giving a F*) ... whether or not I vomit (I'll have a 2nd and 3rd glass)... I guess I just worry about not wanting to see my body die. Like I can handle an upset stomach, bit of a headache, 10-20 mins to unconcerious isn't that long... its just the pain and seeing my body go blue and seeing me look like im dying...
But then all that suddenly feels less scary than knowing I'm leaving my beautifully and deeply loved pets in this world. I won't hurt them, and my will puts all my estate money into a trust for their care. But still... no one will love them as deeply as me.

But for some weird reason it's hard to not think about my internal organs and whether breathing will freak me out. I figure I'll be sad, my cat and horse and dog they're my best friends, but have I zero human support. My dad is dead tough and I've been dreaming of him recently, talking to him, and I've felt his support that I've been without for twenty years, it was nice... I wish he was here to help me.

 

[DreamEnd]

I h

Me too... maybe we could work through those anxieties?
For example, one is that I'll drink it and then SI or fear kicks in, and the anxiety might be a little overwhelming... but I suspect I can control that (zopiclone is good for not giving a F*) ... whether or not I vomit (I'll have a 2nd and 3rd glass)... I guess I just worry about not wanting to see my body die. Like I can handle an upset stomach, bit of a headache, 10-20 mins to unconcerious isn't that long... its just the pain and seeing my body go blue and seeing me look like im dying...
But then all that suddenly feels less scary than knowing I'm leaving my beautifully and deeply loved pets in this world. I won't hurt them, and my will puts all my estate money into a trust for their care. But still... no one will love them as deeply as me.

yeah I understand. I'm just scared I will pass out then wake up and fail

 

[helenhopeless]

i'm sorry OP, I find it quite unsettling i don't have my method yet, I would give anything for SN and an anti medic at this point

I'm not sure if this is allowed, and I'm sorry if it isn't - but if you're at uni you sound young. Life does and can change, it's not always bad. I feel like it does cycle round through past traumas, but I'm sad you would want to go so young. Is there anything that would help make things better for you?

yeah I understand. I'm just scared I will pass out then wake up and fail

Doesn't;t sound too likely if you take enough SN correctly, and make sure to have a 2nd glass if you do vomit. That's what I'm hoping. You only have to absorb so much, so the amount they say to drink \(25g) is way above what you need to absorb to die (more like 5g)... but you want to be sure, hence drinking more if you can, and drink again if you vomit any up... you just need to get enough absorbed by your stomach lining.

 

[underscore_nine]

pl

I'm not sure if this is allowed, and I'm sorry if it isn't - but if you're at uni you sound young. Life does and can change, it's not always bad. I feel like it does cycle round through past traumas, but I'm sad you would want to go so young. Is there anything that would help make things better for you?

Doesn't;t sound too likely if you take enough SN correctly, and make sure to have a 2nd glass if you do vomit. That's what I'm hoping. You only have to absorb so much, so the amount they say to drink \(25g) is way above what you need to absorb to die (more like 5g)... but you want to be sure, hence drinking more if you can, and drink again if you vomit any up... you just need to get enough absorbed by your stomach lining.

im not depressed, things aren't bad, my life is going amazing, however I still want to die more than anything

 

[Scattered-Soul]

I'm the exact same way, in my case I have a degenerative disease that will soon prevent me from obtaining anything I'd need for CTB so I feel even a greater sense of urgency. I hate how complicated the whole process is and yes, not having a secure way out is really suffocating.

 

[mia_qwerty]

No SN source but found out yesterday a new website selling N , and its not on nembutal scams website but they only ship to usa and ecuador. I hope they will had country, its only 60$ a bottle.

I guess its not a scam because scammers usually ask for way more.

Humm. Still could be a scam. I don't know about the states but in UK it's illegal so now website would get away with selling it but who knows

 

[Gonnerr]

Humm. Still could be a scam. I don't know about the states but in UK it's illegal so now website would get away with selling it but who knows

The new N website , its only 60$ a bottle , usually when they scam, they ask for way more. Unfortunately they don't ship in Canada because i can afford to try.

 

[mia_qwerty]

I'm the exact same way, in my case I have a degenerative disease that will soon prevent me from obtaining anything I'd need for CTB so I feel even a greater sense of urgency. I hate how complicated the whole process is and yes, not having a secure way out is really suffocating.

Yea suffocating is the word. It means being sick here suffering in pain. When I just want to sleep peacefully

 

[Angel of Spades]

I definitely understand. I'm in an uncertain situation right now, and I just wish I could move away so that I could securely get my hands on SN or N without anyone prying into my financial activities. Fingers crossed that the system will wait for me to catch up before it starts catching on.