Venting Anyone else frustrated by being made to feel guilty and trapped?

[I-can-only-imagine]

My dad who is STILL here from the UK after my very nearly successful attempt in June, said something along the lines that if i was to try again, he would flay me alive. I have been in 6 hospitals since the end of may, including 4 Psychiatric wards, the local hospital and 5 days in ICU.

and yet all of this, DBT, medications, 3(!) psychologists. nothing has changed. it is an endless cycle. I go back to just wanting to CTB, fantasizing about when I was unconscious on a ventilator because i wasn't aware, my brain was quiet, i was unaware and there was just..............nothing. after 16 years. surely i am allowed to say enough is enough. But no. I am instead made to feel guilty and trapped. I know its because he cares, and because he loves me. But it isn't helping. It just makes me feel even worse when i didnt even think that was possible!!!

 

[FreeZebra]

What method have you use?

 

[Pluto]

Flaying alive is not very nice. I hope he isn't just looking out for his own interests. We shouldn't be forced to live just for the convenience of others. You are doing the right thing in giving every alternative a shot. In the end, you deserve to make your own choice.

 

[motel rooms]

I am instead made to feel guilty and trapped. I know its because he cares, and because he loves me. But it isn't helping. It just makes me feel even worse when i didnt even think that was possible!!!

Just tell him what he wants to hear & he'll leave you alone sooner

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

Just tell him what he wants to hear & he'll leave you alone sooner

unfortunately i am stuck with him indefinitely. He is supposed to go back to the UK at the end of January however has been talking about extending it to the end of April. And he can be a trigger for my BPD but at the same time, its nice having him here SOME of the time.

 

[motel rooms]

unfortunately i am stuck with him indefinitely. He is supposed to go back to the UK at the end of January however has been talking about extending it to the end of April. And he can be a trigger for my BPD but at the same time, its nice having him here SOME of the time.

I assume he's retired. Even someone who isn't suicidal would lose it if they got stuck with an overprotective (possibly overbearing?) parent

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

I assume he's retired. Even someone who isn't suicidal would lose it if they got stuck with an overprotective (possibly overbearing?) parent

He was forced into retirement after botched spinal surgery. He isnt overbearing, its just that he gets grouchy when he is overtired or in pain or too hot. And it triggers me. Which is hard and i know isnt just on me. But my MH tells me other wise. And given that he tried to do the same thing just over a year ago, makes me mad. He GETS it. but because his was due to depression, and he responded so well to treatment, he doesnt understand how hard it has been after 16 years of dealing with MH problems and how i just dont see an end to all of this. He understands but not to the full extent as his was just a brief experience. Not sure if that makes sense. Its frustrating because the logical part of my brain 100% sees where he is and how he sees it and where he is coming from. However it is the other 99% of me that is struggling and feeling trapped and annoyed and have had enough.

I assume he's retired. Even someone who isn't suicidal would lose it if they got stuck with an overprotective (possibly overbearing?) parent

instead i am sitting here getting drunk and just wanting to SH

 

[motel rooms]

Its frustrating because the logical part of my brain 100% sees where he is and how he sees it and where he is coming from. However it is the other 99% of me that is struggling and feeling trapped and annoyed and have had enough.

instead i am sitting here getting drunk and just wanting to SH

Keep telling him he's making you feel worse. Go off on him if necessary. You'll hurt his feelings, but you're suffering more than him & he needs to get that through his head.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

Flaying alive is not very nice. I hope he isn't just looking out for his own interests. We shouldn't be forced to live just for the convenience of others. You are doing the right thing in giving every alternative a shot. In the end, you deserve to make your own choice.

when he says flaying alive, for him it is a figure of speech. he has never hurt me and never would. i know it is just because he loves me to the ends of the earth and he doesnt want to loose me. But it makes me feel worse in a way

 

[haibiantou]

I'm really sorry you're going through that it sounds horrible for you. You're doing the best you can and he has no right to guilt trip you like that. I hope you are able to find some peace and resolution in your relationship going forward.

 

[FuneralCry]

You have the right to exit this world at a time of your own choosing, it is your life, your decision and nobody else has any say in it. It is selfish how people are expected to suffer for decades. That sounds like an awful situation to be in. I wish you the best, whatever happens. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Darkover]

our parents don't care about how much pain we are suffering with everyday they will keep you alive no matter what to keep themselves from feeling the pain caused by losing a love one, if our parents really cared for us they let us leave this world behind at a choosing of our own time.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

Thanks guys for all your replies. I think i need to have a chat to him. BUT it will involve us both being under the influence of alcohol (which is most nights for me) before i have this "chat" with him. He is now talking of changing his flights back to the UK to the end of January to the end of April. Bear in mind he was supposed to go back end of October and has already changed it theend of january. I wlll NOT be responsible for the end of his marriage. That would be way too much for me. And living with a parent after 8+ years is hard enough as it is, let alone ontop of MH problems

 

[Kennish]

He was forced into retirement after botched spinal surgery. He isnt overbearing, its just that he gets grouchy when he is overtired or in pain or too hot. And it triggers me. Which is hard and i know isnt just on me. But my MH tells me other wise. And given that he tried to do the same thing just over a year ago, makes me mad. He GETS it. but because his was due to depression, and he responded so well to treatment, he doesnt understand how hard it has been after 16 years of dealing with MH problems and how i just dont see an end to all of this. He understands but not to the full extent as his was just a brief experience. Not sure if that makes sense. Its frustrating because the logical part of my brain 100% sees where he is and how he sees it and where he is coming from. However it is the other 99% of me that is struggling and feeling trapped and annoyed and have had enough.

instead i am sitting here getting drunk and just wanting to SH

What is MH and SH