Discussion anyone else feel traumatized from a hold?

[ironeyes]

a few months ago, I was dragged into a 24hr hold by the police and paramedics after a failed attempt at home. they released me just shy of 72hrs because their mental health department was so busy I couldn't see a psychiatrist - mind you, my psychiatrist worked in the very hospital I was in, one floor up, I could have walked to visit her- so they had to release me. I was stuck in a room meant for those with contagious airborne illnesses b/c all mental health beds were full, so It was freezing and had two air-sealed doors. no socks, no glasses, no medication. no pens, paper, internet, phone signal, phone charger, family wasn't responding to my calls (angry I yelled at them for calling the ambulance), books, I couldn't leave the room, no clock. a blood draw every two hours, no bandages on the slices on my arms as I was just shy of fat. it was hell. I stared at the wall and walked back and forth on the tile half-nude for two days without even the option of a shower or brushing my teeth. no vegetarian options for food, so I had coffee and bread with cheese. I'm terrified of hospitals now because I'm scared they won't let me out if I go in, and I'm terrified of being honest with anyone because I will never, ever go back there. is this intended to be effective, somehow? I do not understand how any attempt survivor can wake up in that environment and feel as if they are better off than wherever they were before the big leap. it was my fourth attempt, the third in six months, and my second hospitalization. just awful. wondering if any of you have been through something similar and now have a similar avoidance.

 

[willitpass]

I could go on for days about all of my extremely traumatic experiences in psych wards. They are dehumanizing and traumatic. All I ended up with from years in and out of them is to not trust the mental health care system. They say to get help, yet the help makes so many people worse off. I don't tell anyone in my life the full extent of my issues, and 90% of the people in my life know nothing at all about how much I'm struggling, because I know if they knew I would end up back in that hell. Treatment has had the opposite effect. I now isolate and lie to avoid further trauma and will likely die because I refuse to ever seek professional help again.