Anyone else feel more uncertain and/or afraid by delaying it?

[Volatile]

I move next month to a much better environment so that's keeping me going.

 

[nuclearsnake]

I've been delaying if for years and years. Honestly don't know why I'm doing it anymore. I already tried and therefore know that it is fairly easy to off yourself. It's peaceful.

There is literally nothing left for me here so I don't know what I'm even trying to achieve.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Yes, I hate delaying. Each new day feels like another defeat.

 

[your pathologist]

I move next month to a much better environment so that's keeping me going.

I'm planning on moving sometime next month as well
this is probably the only thing keeping me going
i've got to get out of my parents house. I'm in my 20s

 

[Retched]

Every day I wake up I'm anxious I'm still alive and didn't try the night before. Only have limited access to methods right now.

 

[Final Escape]

I move next month to a much better environment so that's keeping me going.

Yay! I'm so happy for u, something good happening :)

 

[TiredHorse]

I move next month to a much better environment so that's keeping me going.

I am so very happy that your environment is improving!

And to answer the question in the thread title: yes, definitely. I've tried to ctb twice in the last ten days, and each time it feels farther out of reach. I wish I had tried a month ago, when the bottom really dropped out of my world. At this point, it feels like that deepest wound has scabbed over, but the pain and infection are building underneath the scab and I can't get at them to release them.

 

[OkTotti]

i'm wondering if i want to CTB before or after the holidays. I'd rather it be sooner but I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving/ Christmas this year for my family (Parents, brother and large extended family) but then again I think fuck it, it's my life to end

 

[TAW122]

My environment isn't really getting better, but it's rather in limbo right now. Not at immediate risk of homelessness, social life is still shit as always (and continues to be for the foreseeable future), and also waiting until the coast is really clear before going through. Anyways, glad to hear that your life is improving and whatever decision you decide to take, I wish you the best.

I am so very happy that your environment is improving!

And to answer the question in the thread title: yes, definitely. I've tried to ctb twice in the last ten days, and each time it feels farther out of reach. I wish I had tried a month ago, when the bottom really dropped out of my world. At this point, it feels like that deepest wound has scabbed over, but the pain and infection are building underneath the scab and I can't get at them to release them.

I've experienced similar things as well. Over a year ago, I was at my lowest (in the past 10 years) and was really in the mood to ctb, but lacked a good method to do it, and also just about 2-3 months ago, I had similar feelings too, but again, lacked a method so I just stewed in anguish and torment unable to do anything. I also had to keep quiet so no one would try to pry into my mind or suspect anything.

i'm wondering if i want to CTB before or after the holidays. I'd rather it be sooner but I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving/ Christmas this year for my family (Parents, brother and large extended family) but then again I think fuck it, it's my life to end

Yeah I struggle with the same indecisiveness. Nevertheless, if there is a sudden shit event that really fucks me up, then I wouldn't really care "when" but rather do it at my earliest convenience and expedite my date. I know in the coming month or so, some of my roommates friends may be visiting and that means I have less privacy around and/or must plan on a time where they aren't around as I want to die secluded and discreetly.

 

[Trashcan]

The longer it gets held off, the more time I have to overthink it.

 

[BurningLights]

Good to her things are changing for the better for you volatile! For me it's always been a case of wondering if it is my time to go, and I wasnt for the past attempts. But now, I have no turning, I don't have a choice. My plan is set and I feel like I'm finally ready to ascend to the unknown.