Anyone else feel like they will never be at peace with death but have no choice?

[therhydler]

A lot of people here seem to be at peace with the fact that they will ctb or at least feel like they will be in peace when they actually do it. To me it is an absolute torture that I will ctb but life is an absolute torture as well... I will never find peace in this life yet I will never be at peace with the fact I will ctb... anyone else feel like this?

 

[Pegasus]

I feel exactly the same. Hate living but scared to die.

 

[vacuums]

Yes! I was just thinking this exact thing today. I just wish I was one of the lucky ones with a good life, who didn't have all this shit go wrong. Because really, I can see the beauty of life. I can see how amazing it can be for others. I can count the things worth living for. But none of it is going to happen for me. So, death is the only sensible option. I just really, really wish it wasn't.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

No, I've made my peace with death and I'm more than ready to go. I used to be terrified but not any longer. I should have died 7 years ago anyway so I'm just living on borrowed time. The Grim Reaper is rubbing his hands with glee at the thought of me.

 

[TiredHorse]

I had a fantastic life --not perfect, of course, but pretty amazing. Far, far better than I had ever imagined possible before I started building it. Then it all collapsed, horribly. Now, since I cannot see any way to make the pain of that loss end, or to build something anew, the only way out is to end. I don't especially want to die, I just need the pain to stop.

 

[TAW122]

I have come to peace with death as early as my late teens perhaps even around the age of 18. I realized that most of my life sucked, I couldn't attain certain goals, did not amount to much, social life is a cruel joke (hello Aspergers and social anxiety), and then after graduating college, my life just gotten worse, could not find a way to support myself financially, couldn't hold down a job for long, suffered through abuse and bullying, and other circumstances in life that make it suck. Also, justice, well there is none. Life isn't fair and the universe doesn't give a shit whether something is fair/unfair.

As a 28 year old male, just barely scraping by, it would only be a matter of time and circumstance before I go through with ctb.

 

[Mysterymeat]

Since it's been decades that I've been wanting death I have increasingly become more comfortable with it. But I'll never completely be at peace with it. I have no beliefs and have no damn idea what happens next but it has to be better than this. I wish, I wish, I wish that I'll be reunited with those that I've loved and have passed.