Anyone else feel like their golden years are behind them and that it's getting to be about time to go?

[Ambivalent1]

My golden years were the 2000s. Last decade and this one have been miserable. I liked who I was when I was younger. The older I get the more I see that my childhood trauma ruined me and that therapists can't help me.

I don't enjoy anything. I want connection but it's my brain that wants it, needs it, really. I exist in my brain, but I like to think I'm the observer separate from urges and impulses the brain puts out. The observer is tired of the brain dragging this existence out.

I have several books I want to read. Reading sustained me through my 20s and gave me meaning as well as some TV series that resonated with me. After completing that, I see no point in continuing. I remember a guy on here once wrote that after he finished watching his anime show lineup that he was going to end it.

Yesterday, I saw a Instagram clip of the day in the life of a middle class worker. Looked miserable. Even the "ideal" life is miserable and monotonous.

 

[dinosavr]

Even though I don't think I ever had my golden years, I definitely don't see them coming, not a chance. Now it's just suffering and trying not to stay here for too long.

 

[kyhoti]

1999 to 2004 were my best years. It's been downhill most of the time since then. There was some joy in there, but my personality is such that I inevitably fucked it up. Five decades is enough for me. Its one minute to midnight.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

My golden years were the 2000s. Last decade and this one have been miserable. I liked who I was when I was younger. The older I get the more I see that my childhood trauma ruined me and that therapists can't help me.

I don't enjoy anything. I want connection but it's my brain that wants it, needs it, really. I exist in my brain, but I like to think I'm the observer separate from urges and impulses the brain puts out. The observer is tired of the brain dragging this existence out.

I have several books I want to read. Reading sustained me through my 20s and gave me meaning as well as some TV series that resonated with me. After completing that, I see no point in continuing. I remember a guy on here once wrote that after he finished watching his anime show lineup that he was going to end it.

Yesterday, I saw a Instagram clip of the day in the life of a middle class worker. Looked miserable. Even the "ideal" life is miserable and monotonous.

Your Golden Years were in the 2000s too, huh? Man, what a time. My life peaked in 2003. It's bittersweet - I treasure those memories, but they make me hurt because of how much both the Planet and myself have decayed since then, and not even a fraction of the joy and purity of thought I had (not to mention how much less chronic pain) can ever be experienced again. I would have treasured that time so much more if I knew what was coming. If I knew just how hard my mental disabilities would catch up with me.

Those were indeed my Golden Years. Now I'm in my rusty, tetanus covered years.

 

[feelinggloomy]

Since 1998 my life with the exception of my son has been utter crap. So yes my golden years are definitely in the rear view mirror

 

[Ambivalent1]

Your Golden Years were in the 2000s too, huh? Man, what a time. My life peaked in 2003. It's bittersweet - I treasure those memories, but they make me hurt because of how much both the Planet and myself have decayed since then, and not even a fraction of the joy and purity of thought I had (not to mention how much less chronic pain) can ever be experienced again. I would have treasured that time so much more if I knew what was coming. If I knew just how hard my mental disabilities would catch up with me.

Those were indeed my Golden Years. Now I'm in my rusty, tetanus covered years.

I remember enjoying it fully, but I also remember believing it would last forever and that I could watch the same shows when I turned on the TV every day like back then. Technically, I can watch all those shows and have but it's not the same and it just hurts now.

I should be thankful that there was ever a good time, but I want it back.

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

i've had my chronic pain condition since i was 21, so i think i've never had my golden years. i'm 31 now and i think i've missed a lot.

 

[Worndown]

At some point you figure out those vibrant, energetic years have passed. In my case, my health improved enough to keep going.
I call these my silver years, tarnish and all.

 

[Artemisia]

I didn't really have golden years. My youth was full of self-doubt and depression thanks to dear mom and dad. It made my mid life years not that happy either. When I was finally seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, when I was comfortable with myself and had made a comfortable enough life for myself, I broke my back and it's been nothing but pain and misery from then on. Life sucks and then you die. That's how it was for me.

 

[Truthseeker70]

Your Golden Years were in the 2000s too, huh? Man, what a time. My life peaked in 2003. It's bittersweet - I treasure those memories, but they make me hurt because of how much both the Planet and myself have decayed since then, and not even a fraction of the joy and purity of thought I had (not to mention how much less chronic pain) can ever be experienced again. I would have treasured that time so much more if I knew what was coming. If I knew just how hard my mental disabilities would catch up with me.

Those were indeed my Golden Years. Now I'm in my rusty, tetanus covered years.

In thinking back my Golden Years we're probably 2000-2015. I, too, treasure those memories, but also suffer daily from the years since. You have. Ailed my thoughts. I so relate to your statement about how much the planet and myself have decayed since then. Also about how much more I would have treasured those times if I knew what was coming. On the other hand, could I have treasured those times if I'd known what was ahead? I doubt it.

 

[Z-A]

From 2009 to 2015, times were actually fun and I also had the right people around me, probably because I was in middle school, where nothing really mattered. After that, things became depressing and have gotten worse over the years. I've dealt with kidney stones and depression that I barely recovered from, and now I'm battling mental conditions with drugs. What a beautiful start in life. For me personally, it's not worth it; there's no way back, only out. My "good" times have passed a long time ago and will never be the same again. All that awaits me is more suffering and struggles which only CTB can prevent.

 

[Illegal Preclear]

I should be thankful that there was ever a good time, but I want it back.

I feel this so damn hard. Even if I can't go back to that time, I ALWAYS think "What if I just had ONE DAY where my brain and body was restored to the state it was in 2003? I literally can't remember what it feels like before my disabilities completely took over, only that everything was so clear and bright. I SHOULD HAVE CTB'd when I was 17, goddamnit. That was when the Schizophrenia had just started to really take hold. That's when I was really planning on doing it. I should have died before I witnessed myself decay for nearly 2 decades...

 

[youwantitdarker]

While I don't think I've had my golden years, I had a chance for these years to happen. It's strange, because I'm conflicted. On the one hand. I want so badly to have something to look back at with a nice feeling of nostalgia and reminiscence; but on the other hand, how do you continue on living knowing you once had this little piece of heaven and you could achieve these heights, but now it's all gone? How do you keep on knowing such thing is possiible for you?

 

[Catch-22]

I've never had golden years but I may have had a golden year. I've been on the spinning rock For many decades so I guess I've had one or two years. My definition of a golden year might not be the same as someone else's. My definition is just not being completely bedridden.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

My golden years were when I was a kid. The minute I went to middle school they were taken away from me.

 

[Wasp1996]

I don't think most people here had "golden years", but could be wrong.

Personally speaking, I had suicide thoughts since i was 7, and the crippling germophobia/ocd through my middle school to early 20s and counting aren't helping things either.

 

[prototypian]

I believe that if you make any mistakes at all before you are 18 all of life is over. All
Mistakes are recorded forever. If you don't get into an elite college the greatest odds are that you will be a serf lowlife working toward promotions or management while the earn g power of the top people races away from you. Any single mistake today is marked against you as a permanent index card chaining you to the failure forever.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

I never had any golden years, sad as that is. My childhood was filled with daily beatings and verbal abuse, so I can't even look back fondly at that.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I never had any golden years, sad as that is. My childhood was filled with daily beatings and verbal abuse, so I can't even look back fondly at that.

I had that too but my teen years were great. Then adulthood has been bad. Sorry you never had good years.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe it's the pessimist in me but I just look back and forwards to a whole load of shit! Pretty much for the same reason too. I look back on all the horrible jobs I've done- 10 years in retail for a start and wonder why I bothered putting myself through all that. Because I felt I had to I suppose. Then, I get all antinatilist and resentful. But, I guess it's the fear of that in the future too that really makes me want out.

I guess my 30's were ok at times. Not good enough to want to revisit though! I think all I've really done is become less compliant as I've gotten older. So, it wasn't really that I was all that happy when I was younger. I think I just took on the obligations with less questioning and slightly less resentment.

 

[Unknown21]

I never had any golden years, sad as that is. My childhood was filled with daily beatings and verbal abuse, so I can't even look back fondly at that.

Same here, I'm sorry for you.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Maybe it's the pessimist in me but I just look back and forwards to a whole load of shit! Pretty much for the same reason too. I look back on all the horrible jobs I've done- 10 years in retail for a start and wonder why I bothered putting myself through all that. Because I felt I had to I suppose. Then, I get all antinatilist and resentful. But, I guess it's the fear of that in the future too that really makes me want out.

I guess my 30's were ok at times. Not good enough to want to revisit though! I think all I've really done is become less compliant as I've gotten older. So, it wasn't really that I was all that happy when I was younger. I think I just took on the obligations with less questioning and slightly less resentment.

Bad teen years too?

 

[blacklemonade]

ive never had golden years. i always wished for at least one, only to feel how other people have felt.never came for me
instead i lived my life struggling to fit in, being lonely, beeing disliked by almost everyone around me, including my mom
in my 20s i git that last shot of hope, thining i could maybe try and change tings for me to have a decent life, didnt work out tho
childhood and teenage years experiences destroyed my soul it comes out more and more, now im just here trying to get through every day
hoping for a death, either by my own hand or naturally
im just very tired and want to rest forever

 

[Forever Sleep]

Bad teen years too?

The absolute worst of my life. Years 10-18 growing up with a (suspected) narcissist. The start of my suicide journey. . Things are actually better for me now than they were back then! I guess that's something.

 

[Ambivalent1]

The absolute worst of my life. Years 10-18 growing up with a (suspected) narcissist. The start of my suicide journey. . Things are actually better for me now than they were back then! I guess that's something.

Were your 2000s bad? I loved the shows back then. They were so much fun. Pop culture was fun too.

 

[Somelucknojoy]

Yup, or maybe it is easier for me to romanticize those times since everything seems so hopeless now. I really enjoyed 2002/2003, I call them the "msn years" because so much of my life revolved around msn chatrooms and roleplaying online. I think I was truly happy then, before the depression really took over.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Maybe it's the pessimist in me but I just look back and forwards to a whole load of shit! Pretty much for the same reason too. I look back on all the horrible jobs I've done- 10 years in retail for a start and wonder why I bothered putting myself through all that. Because I felt I had to I suppose. Then, I get all antinatilist and resentful. But, I guess it's the fear of that in the future too that really makes me want out.

I guess my 30's were ok at times. Not good enough to want to revisit though! I think all I've really done is become less compliant as I've gotten older. So, it wasn't really that I was all that happy when I was younger. I think I just took on the obligations with less questioning and slightly less resentment.

I can relate to you a lot as well, I think the possibilities seem grander during adolescence or young adulthood, the world still feels relatively fresh, novel, and waiting to be explored. Then dead end jobs, monotony, and adult life can absolutely suck that out of you. Past a certain point, the future feels scary rather than hopeful it seems like, when that youthful optimism inevitably dwindles.

Life has never really been great for me, but I was much happier as a kid when I was not as aware about the bad things happening all around me, the impact of childhood emotional neglect, abuse, and all of that didn't really start hitting until I was a teenager.

Reading was a great form of escapism for me, no one would be my friend until I was 12 because I was so autistic, so I basically lived to read books and play games to immerse myself in stories. Which worked as a coping mechanism for a young child, but not so much when I became older. It feels like I've seen it all at this point.

The problems I had when I was 7 or 8 seemed like nothing compared to the problems I had at 16, or the problems that I have now at age 25. I've basically watching everything I grew up with fade away, die, or grow into the lifestyle of marriage and childraising, while I'm being left in the dust. Resentment is a good word for how it feels to be in this position. Years of the same bullshit over and over again, but in different flavours seems to have such a deleterious effect on a person's ability to endure it.

Looking back, I didn't realize how great it was to be a kid comparatively, now that everything sucks. All of my family wasn't gone. I had some semblance of health and vitality. Academics weren't as challenging, and there were no shitty jobs or workplace bs, life felt like a blank slate where everything was big, new and exciting. I remember how fun it felt to watch music videos for hours and hours in the late 2000s, watching anime on TV, abd staying up all night roleplaying on chat rooms and forums.

Now I'm all alone, with bad health, no support, forced to push myself everyday to survive and deal with an environment where I'm outcast or discriminated at every turn for being autistic, physically disabled, and having no energy to compensate, with pretty impactful PTSD. I look back on my life and wish I had found a way to end things when the first suicidal inklings crept into my brain at age 12, I really had no idea how much worse it was going to get.

 

[qw3rty259]

Yeah, I've got to the point where the absence of meaningful events or connections in my life makes me feel like if I have already died and just observe what life looks like after my death.

 

[another_creature]

My golden years were the 2000s. Last decade and this one have been miserable. I liked who I was when I was younger. The older I get the more I see that my childhood trauma ruined me and that therapists can't help me.

I don't enjoy anything. I want connection but it's my brain that wants it, needs it, really. I exist in my brain, but I like to think I'm the observer separate from urges and impulses the brain puts out. The observer is tired of the brain dragging this existence out.

I have several books I want to read. Reading sustained me through my 20s and gave me meaning as well as some TV series that resonated with me. After completing that, I see no point in continuing. I remember a guy on here once wrote that after he finished watching his anime show lineup that he was going to end it.

Yesterday, I saw a Instagram clip of the day in the life of a middle class worker. Looked miserable. Even the "ideal" life is miserable and monotonous.

This is pretty much how I feel, or at least conveys pretty well a specific aspect of it. So I can relate

 

[Forever Sleep]

Were your 2000s bad? I loved the shows back then. They were so much fun. Pop culture was fun too.

Personally, my 30's were better than my 20's. My 20's (in the early 2000's) were full of dreaded shop work. It's different for everyone I guess depending on your current circumstances.