Anyone else feel like stockpiling SN or whatever other CTB method they're going to use just so when they feel like it, they're ready?

[Mistiie]

I've been thinking of buying enough SN and then some just to prepare to immediately CTB when I'm ready. The thinking in regards to the preparation is so unnerving that I'm finding it quite difficult to even think about anything else other than just "God, my life sucks, I should do it as soon as I can..." but the idea of just having it on hand whenever I feel like it is somehow freeing. I can't really describe it much better than that. Maybe it's a product of the fact that it gives me freedom over my own mortality? Not sure.

It's not even like I'm very actively suicidal right now. Just like, mildly. Nowhere near what I was like when I actually attempted for the first time, but just knowing how to go about it so I can drop off the mortal coil when I want to by having the resources and method ready is so appealing to me. Does anyone else feel this way? And does anyone else just have their resources ready for the Big Event(tm)?

 

[justcallmeJ]

I always liked the idea of having an exit plan. But at the moment, I dont really trust myself with it. Some days ago I was going to use my exit plan for basicly no reason, only not continuing with it because I had no alcohol. (Luckily??) I found out here that my exit plan just would make me brain damaged. Still I would like to have SN as my exit plan, but im not actively searching for it now. Might be for the best for now.

 

[letsgetittogo]

Thinking about it. It's just hard to find a source for SN, if I had it I think I'd be so much happier knowing that I can go. I've been looking around for a bit so that I can pretty much assemble a "kill kit" I can just have in my closet for whenever I want to go

 

[Action]

Yes, I feel like being restricted and denied the choice not to be is making me feel more desperate and stuck in my body

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's a good idea to buy SN if that is your method of choice. SN will stay SN for a very long time especially when u store it sealed, dry and cool.

 

[trek_tattoo_1988]

Seemingly impossible to buy SN in the UK

 

[letsgetittogo]

Seemingly impossible to buy SN in the UK

US here, seems impossible to get here as well

 

[Mistiie]

Seemingly impossible to buy SN in the UK

Is it? Would've assumed you could pull some off Amazon or something. Worst case scenario, could grab some off a DNM, no?

 

[letsgetittogo]

Is it? Would've assumed you could pull some off Amazon or something. Worst case scenario, could grab some off a DNM, no?

I wish there was a way to secure it without TOR :( just makes me nervous to use it

 

[Mistiie]

I wish there was a way to secure it without TOR :( just makes me nervous to use it

There's quite a few guides on how to use it but yeah it is and can be a dangerous game to play if you don't educate yourself on it first. Most of the issues come from software requirements; I'm hesitant to use a separate boot device to use Tails OS and download Tor and login using my 50-step verification or whatever just to browse the absurd prices for some things on there. Actually, that's kind of a lie, some things were interestingly cheap but that's besides the point

 

[trek_tattoo_1988]

Is it? Would've assumed you could pull some off Amazon or something. Worst case scenario, could grab some off a DNM, no?

I'm so sorry, a DNM?

Is it? Would've assumed you could pull some off Amazon or something. Worst case scenario, could grab some off a DNM, no?

No, definitely no NaNo2 on amazon, at least for the UK.

 

[Mistiie]

I'm so sorry, a DNM?

No, definitely no NaNo2 on amazon, at least for the UK.

DNM is Dark Net Market. Think there's a few more guides on that on here, not sure

Also, I swear I've seen SN on Amazon before. Granted it was a low-ish concentration - maybe it needs to be pure? If so then I assume I just found an ultra-low concentration amount and that the full amount would be extortionate and require some chemistry(tm) to work it into SN and SN only.

 

[trek_tattoo_1988]

DNM is Dark Net Market. Think there's a few more guides on that on here, not sure

Also, I swear I've seen SN on Amazon before. Granted it was a low-ish concentration - maybe it needs to be pure? If so then I assume I just found an ultra-low concentration amount and that the full amount would be extortionate and require some chemistry(tm) to work it into SN and SN only.

I've searched amazon on the US, UK and Canadian sites and there are lots of different things, like Calcium Nitrite and various salts; but not SN specifically. I do worry about DNM (thanks) as it could be literally anything. I'm perfectly content to go, but I don't want to be ingesting something which will make me go in agony.

 

[letsgetittogo]

There's quite a few guides on how to use it but yeah it is and can be a dangerous game to play if you don't educate yourself on it first. Most of the issues come from software requirements; I'm hesitant to use a separate boot device to use Tails OS and download Tor and login using my 50-step verification or whatever just to browse the absurd prices for some things on there. Actually, that's kind of a lie, some things were interestingly cheap but that's besides the point

I wish I could buy some Off a member here or something. I have family in Mexico so I think my best bet might be to just go visit them for Christmas this year and try to secure some there. Just sucks because I would've wanted to ctb before then but :/ what are ya gonna do

 

[Raindancer]

I got all excited when I found some pretty easily, from, a chemical company and it was 97%, but then saw they vetted companies and had to know you .

 

[hi-okbye]

i always liked the idea of having a method easily ready for when you feel you need it. the only issue is that it makes compulsive ctb attempts more likely to happen. having to prepare for a ctb attempt assures that your ready (obviously not 100%, but it helps). whatever you do is your choice though, good luck <3

 

[NeedAnEscape]

The idea of being able to ctb whenever I want is captivating. Yet, I fear the risks of my plot being discovered, before it's too late. I don't want to be forced into hospitalization or damage the relationships i have, just by having an exit plan nearby.

 

[Old Friend]

Yeah, similar situation. I feel like the door is closing fast and if I don't get any soon, I'll have missed the opportunity. I certainly don't want to have to consider hanging, but I may be forced to, if it comes to it.

 

[roguetrader]

If it's a method you're considering, better to buy it now. Remember that a couple of years ago, people were able to stockpile N easily and now it's impossible to get. That could happen to SN too.

 

[Mistiie]

If it's a method you're considering, better to buy it now. Remember that a couple of years ago, people were able to stockpile N easily and now it's impossible to get. That could happen to SN too.

Fortunately, I have fallbacks, and right now I'm too broke to get SN, so I'm not too scared about missing the window to be able to grab a sizeable amount if I don't have enough cash by then

 

[username8888]

Which one is more dystopian US or the UK when it comes to SN availability?

 

[hi-okbye]

Which one is more dystopian US or the UK when it comes to SN availability?

it honestly really depends on state/country. Some states/countries ban the sale and/or import of sodium nitrite entirely. So it just depends on where you specifically live.

 

[Old Friend]

I think the UK is out in front on the dystopian metric. The US will have to pull out all the stops if it wants to win gold.

 

[gvmi]

I'm not really that actively suicidal, and I'm planning on ordering 500g (the least i can get) of SN, and put it on little air-sealed bottles, maybe 50g each or something. I don't really plan on CTB, but I want to have it.

 

[Mistiie]

I'm not really that actively suicidal, and I'm planning on ordering 500g (the least i can get) of SN, and put it on little air-sealed bottles, maybe 50g each or something. I don't really plan on CTB, but I want to have it.

Yeah, the more the better is my opinion on it. Not sure how I'll manage to hide it from anyone without them realising or finding it at some point. I might just hide it in something in my room like a model globe.

Well, that's when I can order it. I don't know how expensive the stuff is...

 

[Old Friend]

I kinda am suicidal but still have projects to complete. These just about keep me ticking over. I have a very faint hope of a change but it's very likely I'll want to check out in the next 4-12 months. I want SN to be an option.

 

[gvmi]

Here in Spain it's around 15€ for 500g or 1kg, depending on the purity. I don't know, I plan on putting it in the little flasks, but I also thought of putting it inside a vacuum-sealed bag, and then just putting it in the inside of a box, or in a monster can, or somewhere I know I won't lose.

 

[username8888]

I think the UK is out in front on the dystopian metric. The US will have to pull out all the stops if it wants to win gold.

I thought the UK is acting like an aspiring dystopian state. Nowadays, I guess: The UK > US.

Here in Spain it's around 15€ for 500g or 1kg, depending on the purity. I don't know,

Can you buy SN without limitation, gvmi?

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Yeah I want some SN as a safety net just so I know it's there. I'm working towards CTB at some point, but SI being the bugger it is, I might not be able to do it unless I'm forced to by my life taking a turn for the worse (I'm severely depressed but my living situation is at least comfortable) so I want it as a last resort.

My only issue with it is I worry about people taking it impulsively-with me it doesn't matter because I'm set on CTB sooner or later and have no plans for the future other than that. But if you have a stressful life event it's better to not have something like SN on hand in case you feel the need to take it when you could've got through a tough situation if you are the impulsive type. I guess only you know if you'll likely do that though. Maybe put it somewhere out of easy reach at least if you do get some.

If they weren't increasingly restricting it we wouldn't have this issue...we'd know it was there to buy if we wanted it as a last resort. I do feel a need to get hold of some now because I don't know how impossible it's gonna be to get going forward.

 

[IsThisEverything]

I would like to have something there that I know I can take if I need to. It's comforting because it means the exit door is open and unlocked whenever I'm ready to use it. Without that I feel trapped being alive and I hate it.