Discussion Anyone else feel like leaving a note is pointless?

[Eudaimonic]

It's not as though loved ones will understand let alone respect my decision anyway. Plus, they already have somewhat of an idea of why I'd want to die (my parents, at least).

I don't see much benefit in doing so.

 

[soonnotkoei]

personally id rather leave a short note for my friends and family. i understand that all of us have different circumstances so you might not be interested in leaving one behind. whatever works for you i guess.

 

[Kyotospade]

It's a way to say your final say and let your family have some form of closure for your death.

 

[OTanerd]

I have also thought about the same thing. I came to the conclusion that it does have some good things to leave a note, it would serve mainly to close your relationships (at least the ones you consider most important) and conclude a cycle for the people around you.

 

[heliophobic]

You choke to death from poisoning, excruciating pain between cramps, lips turning a bluish colour, you die as if you were drowning but with the addition of poisoning.
Evidently people like to suffer a little more before they die, paradoxically pain is the only time they feel alive. By the way, there are many cases where you are saved at the last minute, it is not a 100% lethal method, you just risk suffering and then being locked up in a psychiatric ward tied to a bed and tortured by sadistic nurses.

It's not as though loved ones will understand let alone respect my decision anyway. Plus, they already have somewhat of an idea of why I'd want to die (my parents, at least).

I don't see much benefit in doing so.

It's not as though loved ones will understand let alone respect my decision anyway. Plus, they already have somewhat of an idea of why I'd want to die (my parents, at least).

I don't see much benefit in doing so.

It's not as though loved ones will understand let alone respect my decision anyway. Plus, they already have somewhat of an idea of why I'd want to die (my parents, at least).

I don't see much benefit in doing so.

It's not as though loved ones will understand let alone respect my decision anyway. Plus, they already have somewhat of an idea of why I'd want to die (my parents, at least).

I don't see much benefit in doing so.

I couldn't disagree more. Speaking as someone that was in the same boat as my best friend who ctb 25 years ago, I wish every day he had left a note instead of leaving me to wonder why he abandoned me and broke our pact. We said "Life sucks but we'll stick it out together." We both knew what it was like to be suicidal and depressed. I GOT IT. I still do. But I still beat myself up every single fucking day that there was a sign I missed or something I could have done because he couldn't even leave a note about why he ctb....in the bedroom above mine while I was home. Leave a damn note please.

 

[northmigration]

i think leaving a note can be thoughtful especially if you want to address certain people you know will react to your death. ultimately no, most people will not understand our decision but a note can be a way to help them understand. personally i'm going to film a video and upload it to youtube (unlisted), because my note ended up being like 10 pages of writing and i figured it's easier that way.

 

[Eudaimonic]

i think leaving a note can be thoughtful especially if you want to address certain people you know will react to your death. ultimately no, most people will not understand our decision but a note can be a way to help them understand. personally i'm going to film a video and upload it to youtube (unlisted), because my note ended up being like 10 pages of writing and i figured it's easier that way.

It's a way to say your final say and let your family have some form of closure for your death.

I couldn't disagree more. Speaking as someone that was in the same boat as my best friend who ctb 25 years ago, I wish every day he had left a note instead of leaving me to wonder why he abandoned me and broke our pact. We said "Life sucks but we'll stick it out together." We both knew what it was like to be suicidal and depressed. I GOT IT. I still do. But I still beat myself up every single fucking day that there was a sign I missed or something I could have done because he couldn't even leave a note about why he ctb....in the bedroom above mine while I was home. Leave a damn note please.

Okay, I see your points. Maybe my theory of mind is just too poor or something. I don't even know what I'd write that wouldn't sound contrived.

I found this, but it's not structured enough (likely intentional) to be of much help.

 

[SeyOShake]

I have no one in my life to leave it for. My social life is non-existent to the point that when I depart from this existence, I'll have nobody close to me asking questions.

 

[theolivanderroach]

Yeah I think it's pointless too. I don't feel the need to explain why I ctb and it's not like anyone would understand anyway. I do have some final requests like cremation, no funeral etc but 1. idk if my family would even do it and 2. doesn't really matter since i'll be dead anyway, it would make no difference to me if my family does them or not

 

[Kyotospade]

Okay, I see your points. Maybe my theory of mind is just too poor or something. I don't even know what I'd write that wouldn't sound contrived.

I found this, but it's not structured enough (likely intentional) to be of much help.

Just a "thanks for everything, sorry I killed myself." Would probably do.

 

[LostLily]

It is normal for people to want answer about the suicide of a love one. I'm leaving behind one. Wrote one out 10 years ago but it is too long and rambly, I need to rewrite it to be more concise .

 

[areyousafe??]

I started writing different ones when I was about 16/17 years old, I'm now in my 30s.

I've decided now that it's pointless writing one, not many people to write to, and not many people will care I died. I don't have anything left to say.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

1st ctb attempt- wrote like a three line note simply to say I wanted to be cremated and not have any kind of services for me.

2nd attempt- did one of those schedule ahead emails and I tinkered with it for about two weeks. I thought it was pretty thorough and long enough. My mom said later that it was "very well written " lol

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I see something as being better than nothing. Even that you did consider them enough to leave them something. Plus, from a police investigation point of view, I expect it helps in the determination that it was a suicide.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I think a note (in my case) would provide a lot of closure for friends and family. My true hope for a note is that it will give them the peace of mind to not feel guilty or like they could've changed the outcome. I know I'd be gone so what does it really matter? I guess it doesn't.... but in my final moments, I want to know I did everything in my power to make their grief just a little less intense.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Just a "thanks for everything, sorry I killed myself." Would probably do.

That's more or less what I have so far. That site did actually end up being somewhat helpful. I have a decent first draft now.

 

[heliophobic]

I think a note (in my case) would provide a lot of closure for friends and family. My true hope for a note is that it will give them the peace of mind to not feel guilty or like they could've changed the outcome. I know I'd be gone so what does it really matter? I guess it doesn't.... but in my final moments, I want to know I did everything in my power to make their grief just a little less intense.

I know I'm not in the majority here, but I'm glad that you want to do that. A note like that would have made all the difference in my best friend's suicide. Instead, I've just had 25 years of "what if"s and "if only"s, convinced that I missed some sign he was trying to send me about what he wanted to do. Some hidden context in a conversation. But there was no note. You never really know who will need that note.

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

For me personally the reason I probably won't leave a note is because any honest explanation of what went wrong would have to be highly critical of my parents. I don't want to do that to them.

 

[heliophobic]

For me personally the reason I probably won't leave a note is because any honest explanation of what went wrong would have to be highly critical of my parents. I don't want to do that to them.

I can respect that 100%. I'm sorry that your relationship with them contributed to your depression.

 

[Liammm]

Personally, Id maybe just leave one for my best friend. I couldn't think about my mom and brothers, all I could say would be sorry.

And with my wife... Even after all the things I still love her. I couldn't really say much either there.

 

[Minerva___]

I only have one close irl friend left so I have only written one

 

[Forveleth]

I have watched a lot of videos from those that were "left behind" when a loved one kills themselves and they all say the same thing, "Why didn't they ask for help?", "Why did they do this?", "I didn't know they were sad." etc. I have a habit of wanting to explain things to people so I feel the need to at least answer these questions for them. Also, these are the same people who pushed me to this point. I want them to know that, so writing notes also gives me a bit of peace even if they may not be interpreted how I intend.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I know I'm not in the majority here, but I'm glad that you want to do that. A note like that would have made all the difference in my best friend's suicide. Instead, I've just had 25 years of "what if"s and "if only"s, convinced that I missed some sign he was trying to send me about what he wanted to do. Some hidden context in a conversation. But there was no note. You never really know who will need that note.

i'm sorry you went through that. I know for a lot of people who CTB it's an impulse decision. Your friend left you with a lot of questions but I hope you managed to forgive them for their action. Not everybody has the chance or mental capacity to plan it out.
Ctb is a one time decision and I find a lot of value in giving close friends peace of mind. It's not their fault I'm messed up mentally. I certainly don't want anyone to spend a lifetime wondering how things could've been different or to feel guilty for not reaching out more. It's really no one else's fault at the end of the day.

 

[JesiBel]

Well, I would just write the note to my family to reassure them and make it clear that it is not their fault.

Detailing the reasons, my feelings.. everything I think is necessary so that they can be at peace.

 

[NonEssential]

idk if I'd leave a note as I'm terrible writing letters anyway. Maybe just a "I love you all" or something like that.

 

[human909]

Personally for me i will most likely leave a farewell note, since no one really will understand why i left except me.

 

[Valhala]

It is best not to write anything because if I were to write to her, my beloved girlfriend (and the main reason for CTB is precisely that we are not together) it might eat her up or she would even feel some kind of guilt and I don't want to do that to her, especially since I am aware of my own mistakes and the fact that I broke off our relationship more than once. On the other hand, even my CTB could be understood by her as my final departure from her and not as a proof of my love, and that is the ambivalence that might have caused me not to write nothing. The most ideal thing would be to travel somewhere far away, to another continent, destroy personal documents and then do CTB and simply "disappear" and spare all those who know you unnecessary agony and bad thoughts.

 

[arandomname]

It is best not to write anything because if I were to write to her, my beloved girlfriend (and the main reason for CTB is precisely that we are not together) it might eat her up or she would even feel some kind of guilt and I don't want to do that to her, especially since I am aware of my own mistakes and the fact that I broke off our relationship more than once. On the other hand, even my CTB could be understood by her as my final departure from her and not as a proof of my love, and that is the ambivalence that might have caused me not to write nothing. The most ideal thing would be to travel somewhere far away, to another continent, destroy personal documents and then do CTB and simply "disappear" and spare all those who know you unnecessary agony and bad thoughts.

Similar reasons for why I won't be leaving a note. If I was to leave a note it would be to give my family peace of mind by saying it's not their fault but not saying why I CTB.

I like the idea of disappearing as well however in the case your identity is found out and your next of kin is contacted you could be creating a lot of work for them (expatriating a body is expensive and not a simple process). Just something to take into consideration.

 

[LaNausée]

Honestly? Totally understand this. I spent years thinking and fantasizing about all the writing I'd do to explain and potentially comfort anyone afterward in notes, but the closer I get to the act itself, the more the will to write anything gets sucked out of me. I've started dozens of letter drafts in the past few weeks- physically, digitally typed out AND written on a tablet by pen!! I can't put into words how empty and pointless any type of message feels- what do you even say in it?
Most people DON'T get so much time to think before they die, much less get to write a whole message before it. People feel like it's inherently selfish to not leave a note, but it's so daunting thinking about and trying to pen a final note to the world when your mind is already in shambles. It's so frustrating because you KNOW no explanation will ever be enough. I don't blame anyone that decides to CTB without leaving behind a message- I get it's hard for those left behind, but there's no way that could've been easy for them, either. Besides, in the end nobody really has any right to your final thoughts or any sort of explanation,, I feel like writing messages should be for personal comfort before anything else.