I just started my sophomore year of college and I live with some guys I met on Facebook and my experience so far has reinforced the fact that I just don't want to exist anymore. I just feel like I can't befriend them even though we literally live in the same house and have the same interests, it just feels so weird for me to meet new people. My only close friends are people I met in high school. I literally have 0 friends on campus who I actually would hang out with. If I didn't have parents who I am really close to I would probably be dead by now. The thought of existing like this for 50+ more years sounds so fucking exhausting.
I am not in school. I do understand being completely alone and feeling alienated and the 2 people that I had in my life do not want to have anything to do with me anymore.
You, if I may say are lucky. You still have people you that love you and are there for you. You have the opportunity to get a skill to make your life livable. You will be able to afford different experiences that could take you places and learn how to have relationships in the future.
I envy you for having so much to look forward to in the future.
demuic
Life was a mistake
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,383
I feel the same way. I live in a suite (in my own room) with 3 other people and it seems they're all friends with each other but not me. There's no one on campus who I can talk to.
Thank you so much for this reply, when I'm in a depressive episode I have a lot of trouble putting things into perspective because it is hard to be rational when I am experiencing such extreme emotions. I'm studying in a field that I am pretty passionate about so I guess I have a good career to look forward to. I definitely don't see a natural death in my future but I hope to at least make enough money to have a good time before I peace out. I'm not sure what your situation is but I hope that you find peace.
Damn we are in eerily similar situations lol. I live in a house with 4 other guys who are really close friends but we don't really have compatible personalities so I just kind of coexist with them. It bothers me but I feel like making friends in college is kind of overrated, from what I've heard most of the time you slowly drift away from them after college anyway.
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Jellyfish42
Member
- Aug 23, 2020
- 82
I dropped out of university because of this 
I felt like an outcast in that environment
I felt like an outcast in that environment
BitterlyAlive
---
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,635
I've always been like this too. I went to community college and had my best friend for a big part of it, but aside from that I was alone. If I actually went to university I would have been alone there, too.
Shades of Grey
Student
- Jun 17, 2020
- 183
I hated academia. Had never felt so out of place in my life, but persisted because that was what I believed I "had" to do at the time.
Now I'm in a career where I feel similarly out of place, in large part because it's full of people who were highly successful in that environment... the same ones I didn't click with before.
I wish I'd had the cojones to pursue other avenues when it became clear that I wasn't wired for college. Just because one is capable of doing something doesn't necessarily mean that one should.
That said, if your primary issue is loneliness, there are ways to meet people outside of class... maybe it's worth trying some clubs, part-time work unaffiliated with the school, or an outside activity that you might be interested in? (I get that these things often don't come easily when one is already exhausted, discouraged, and contemplating CTB. Not trying to make light of the situation.) I made my friends from work, not class.
Now I'm in a career where I feel similarly out of place, in large part because it's full of people who were highly successful in that environment... the same ones I didn't click with before.
I wish I'd had the cojones to pursue other avenues when it became clear that I wasn't wired for college. Just because one is capable of doing something doesn't necessarily mean that one should.
That said, if your primary issue is loneliness, there are ways to meet people outside of class... maybe it's worth trying some clubs, part-time work unaffiliated with the school, or an outside activity that you might be interested in? (I get that these things often don't come easily when one is already exhausted, discouraged, and contemplating CTB. Not trying to make light of the situation.) I made my friends from work, not class.
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AnotherBrick
Member
- Jun 25, 2020
- 47
It was the same for me when I was going to school. I lived with my (now ex) emotionally abusive partner, whose rule was basically "I don't have any friends so neither can you". It was a really unhealthy, codependent relationship that wasted 5 years of my life that I find I'm still unhealed from.
It was a super small, religious town, too, so I didn't really trust that I'd meet anyone I'd click with anyway.
It was a super small, religious town, too, so I didn't really trust that I'd meet anyone I'd click with anyway.
almost_dead
Arcanist
- Aug 7, 2020
- 465
One of my greatest fears throughout my life has been meeting new people, I always have this feeling that people don't really want to talk to me and are just being nice, which I know is a really common irrational thought for people to have. It's something I've been battling for a really long time, since it's prevented me from making friends. I think when we are back to in-person classes I might try going to a club meeting or something.
Blank Dreamer
Seeker of Dreams
- Sep 11, 2020
- 72
I'm a much older college student than most where I attend now. I never lived on campus but can understand how that sort of interaction with your mates can make you feel so out of place.
I don't have anyone to talk to or people that I would consider an actual friend in college. It's a little different for me as most students here know each other from high school that attend the same college. Unfortunately for me I don't have that as I attended a different college in a new area after I graduated before transferring. It's a really jarring situation for me. I feel so much like an outcast that I just got used to it. Not just for college but anywhere else. I know that I'm not very approachable and that's on me for that.
Every time at class I see people mingle and make small talk every now and then. Me, I just do my own thing or what I need to do. Yes, I will talk with others and be respectful and kind to them when involved in group work and such. But then nothing ever comes out of it for me. It's always been that way for me. And I just got used to it.
I don't have anyone to talk to or people that I would consider an actual friend in college. It's a little different for me as most students here know each other from high school that attend the same college. Unfortunately for me I don't have that as I attended a different college in a new area after I graduated before transferring. It's a really jarring situation for me. I feel so much like an outcast that I just got used to it. Not just for college but anywhere else. I know that I'm not very approachable and that's on me for that.
Every time at class I see people mingle and make small talk every now and then. Me, I just do my own thing or what I need to do. Yes, I will talk with others and be respectful and kind to them when involved in group work and such. But then nothing ever comes out of it for me. It's always been that way for me. And I just got used to it.
Me, exactly, 20 years ago in college. I knuckled down and graduated early; the only way out was through. I remember telling a mentor: Every one cant feel like i do all the time or it would be standing room only to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.
I still suffer from depression but I have a career and kids and have had 20 good years i wouldnt have had i killed myself in college - and i could have easily.
Im not on here much but hang in there and message me if you need to talk.
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