tinyghost
go home at dawn sleep in the sun
- Sep 13, 2023
- 209
im in bad health. i have a heart defect and had a stroke at 19 among many other things. my condition is partly why i want to cbt. i used to smoke cigs and quit but i started smoking again this year, and i've been a stoner for a few years. the smoking is really taking a toll. my chest hurts constantly and my arm does to regularly. ive thought several times the past week that i might be having a heart attack. its so terrifying but i never seek help and always think "please kill me". i dont stop smoking even though i want to quit and know what damage it causes. i dont know if i have an infection or what's going on since it's obviously not a heart attack after several days. i had an x ray recently that was all normal. it could be my new meds causing panic attacks which has happened to me before. i dont know if i should go to a doctor (embarrassing bc i did this to myself smoking and i have trauma with doctors) or just keep praying this is actually the end.