Discussion anyone else also only wants to kill themselves as an impulse rather than a real feeling of dissapointment with this world?

[soniaimi]

I think my life has some happy moments and it's definitely not bad enough to kill myself, (yeah, i have social phobia, bipolar disorder, low self esteem and a body that i don't like [i'm trans] but all those issues are being fixed)

yet i find myself thinking about killing myself as the "next thing" i need to do, i don't want to get better

it's strange, my life is somewhat good, yet i want to kill myself, it leaves me puzzled and I'm posting this here because anywhere else people would call me crazy and put me into a mental ward (the last three times there were not fun)

anyone else also experiences this?

i think i thought about dying so much at this point when i was in my lowest that it just became a main thing for me even if my life is getting somewhat better.

 

[TransientEternal]

I can understand your feelings I think. For me, it stems from the fact that living is meaningless. You die and everything you ever did loses any meaning. Everything in life is just distraction after distraction.

 

[SeaBreeze]

Do you take any antidepressants? I was on 1 of them for a few years, then quit a few weeks ago. I felt a bit more suicidal for a few days, but eventually everything came back together. Now I actually feel alot better than I have in years. Physically and mentally. I am still ready to sign out when the time comes someday

 

[brokeandbroken]

I think my life has some happy moments and it's definitely not bad enough to kill myself, (yeah, i have social phobia, bipolar disorder, low self esteem and a body that i don't like [i'm trans] but all those issues are being fixed)

yet i find myself thinking about killing myself as the "next thing" i need to do, i don't want to get better

it's strange, my life is somewhat good, yet i want to kill myself, it leaves me puzzled and I'm posting this here because anywhere else people would call me crazy and put me into a mental ward (the last three times there were not fun)

anyone else also experiences this?

i think i thought about dying so much at this point when i was in my lowest that it just became a main thing for me even if my life is getting somewhat better.

No, for me it is a last resort after going through everything systemically to see if I can get help. So far, pretty much everything is just how big of piece of shit I am and I shouldn't get it. You here all kinds of things say it takes strength to ask for help. I disagree, far as I am concerned I am not somebody who people want to help.... Rapists, murderers, etc... All are treated better then me...

 

[steppingoff]

I think my life has some happy moments and it's definitely not bad enough to kill myself, (yeah, i have social phobia, bipolar disorder, low self esteem and a body that i don't like [i'm trans] but all those issues are being fixed)

yet i find myself thinking about killing myself as the "next thing" i need to do, i don't want to get better

I totally understand your feelings. My life, in general, is pretty good and doesn't push me over the edge.

In fact, if you ask me why I want to hang myself; I can't really answer that - other than it resonates. If you ask me if I want to, the answer becomes a simple yes, But I can't explain it other than it seems to be part of the future.

it's strange, my life is somewhat good, yet i want to kill myself, it leaves me puzzled and I'm posting this here because anywhere else people would call me crazy and put me into a mental ward (the last three times there were not fun)

anyone else also experiences this?

i think i thought about dying so much at this point when i was in my lowest that it just became a main thing for me even if my life is getting somewhat better.

Its true life is not a factor for me - and nothing seems to go bad at the moment.

Yet every time I go through this period, it's always two steps forward and one step back. It's been like that for a long time. But of course, that means you end up with a lot of preparation and thoughts about how to do it properly. And you eventually end up at a place in space and time that two steps forward is really a step off the stool. So that's where I am

 

[ThroughTheLight]

I'm in a similar position to you I guess. My life is not bad; money isn't a problem and I have no traumatic experiences like being abused. However I have low self-esteem, ugly body, terrible social anxiety, and I haven't really wanted to get better. I also realize it's pretty strange when my life seems so good, but most of the time I just think and fantasize about how I want to die and don't really question it. No matter if my life on the outside is bad or good, I have always thought about death for the past year.