Anyone else a naturally gloomy person?

[V0latile]

My life has made me gloomy, and I've always felt bad about it. I'm starting to not see it as a bad thing though. It's my personality. I'm just not a happy person. Happy people don't actually come across as genuine to me. It's like a mental illness but on the opposite side of the spectrum.

The only bad thing I see about being gloomy is the awkwardness I feel when I encounter someone who isn't like me. I can tell they feel awkward too, and I've always tried in those moments to appear a little happier. I feel that being gloomy all the time, which I'd prefer, would lead to negative consequences for me. But I hate the ups and downs of human emotion. It's so exhausting and only leads to disappointment when the highs inevitably turn to lows.

 

[charlie_z]

I liked the way you expressed a very difficult sentiment to describe. I'm not sure if I was a happy kid or not. Except for two traumatic experiences in my early tweens, I don't remember feeling especially happy or sad. But I had friends, played till all hours in my neighborhood, and there was even that first kiss with an exchange student from France. Then the OCD and a deep depression, and I was radically altered. I became a gloomy person. And it didn't take me long to realize people picked up on this vibe, and it made them uncomfortable. Awkwardness; that's a good word for it.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I can relate a lot to what you wrote @charlie_z . I also agree, that @V0latile did a very good job describing a rather difficult to explain subject. I think that although my childhood may have appeared to be normal, from the outside..it was in fact very dysfunctional and played a huge part in why my life is so messed up. I don't know if I'd say I'm naturally gloomy. I think I end up feeling that way the majority of the time because of life circumstances.

 

[V0latile]

I liked the way you expressed a very difficult sentiment to describe. I'm not sure if I was a happy kid or not. Except for two traumatic experiences in my early tweens, I don't remember feeling especially happy or sad. But I had friends, played till all hours in my neighborhood, and there was even that first kiss with an exchange student from France. Then the OCD and a deep depression, and I was radically altered. I became a gloomy person. And it didn't take me long to realize people picked up on this vibe, and it made them uncomfortable. Awkwardness; that's a good word for it.

Thanks. By the way, I have ocd too. It's hell.

 

[charlie_z]

Thanks. By the way, I have ocd too. It's hell.

I'm sorry. It's fucking hell, forgive the profanity. Anytime you want to chat, I'm here.

 

[sleepy dog]

I don't know if I can say gloomy. I have never been perky, bubbly, smiley. I am quiet and laid back. Sometimes very depressed. It makes relationships hard.

 

[End Piece]

Yes. I've always been weirdly melancholic. On the eve of my 8th birthday I spent the night crying because I'd never be 7 again. I was inconsolable.
I guess we can't all be happy, shiny people.

 

[V0latile]

I'm sorry. It's fucking hell, forgive the profanity. Anytime you want to chat, I'm here.

I remember long ago unconsciously adopting a rule that I would only ever cuss when the person I was talking to did first. I feel it's prevented many problems. Yes, ocd is a fucking nightmare, and the therapy (ERP) to treat it is even worse.

Yes. I've always been weirdly melancholic. On the eve of my 8th birthday I spent the night crying because I'd never be 7 again. I was inconsolable.
I guess we can't all be happy, shiny people.

Happy, shiny people are only another piece of the pie, not the whole thing.