Discussion Anyone dislike having friends in a way?

[Wojaczek]

For some reason i dont want to have any friends anymore and i dont care about making any.
The few friends i still have, i barely talk to and it doesnt make me sad at all

In the past i would feel bad and lonesome about this but nowadays i enjoy the solitude.

I enjoy not having to answer someone, or having to talk about stuff that doesnt interest me, not having to hear other peoples problems, not having to hear all of their drama.

It just feels so stress free.

It almost feels like a relief

 

[Manaaja]

I have noticed it's hard to focus on myself and to improve myself when it comes to having friends, you know? If I spend all my time talking with my friend about video games, how can I be there finding more friends and a husband? How can I focus on having a good day today if I spend my day telling my friends how shitty last week was?

Friends are very good, but they can constrict your mind. Add to that that you can never be brutally honest with your friends, you always have to wear a mask. For example, if you want a bf who has nice full hair, you can't tell your friend who started balding at a very young age the truth because of course he'll get mad. Or if you want to ask a woman out because she has a nice big ass, you can't tell your flat-assed female friend "I want to date her because she has a nice big ass!".

I have a friend who is extremely "all parents are perfect beings who should be worshiped" parent simp. When I speak to him about abuse, I have to fucking lie. I can't say "My parent hit me, because I told him that killing gay kids is wrong." I have to lie "This mysterious man just came out of nowhere and hit me. No, I don't know who he was, really weird, huh? Anyway I can assure you they weren't my parent.". I hate it.

It would be nice to have friends to whom I can tell what I really think and feel. But no. You always have to think "I can tell this person these things, but not these.".

I really shouldn't care. I really should just tell what I think and if a person quits, then they quit. Their Loss.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I stopped having friends and it was probably one of the best decisions I had ever made. My last set of friends were not toxic or anything but I found that having friends was stressful for me. I would find myself stressing out over whether or not they actually liked me, if were just friends with me out of pity, if they wanted to abandon me, if they grew to hate my presence, and so on. Cutting them out of my life lifted this weight off of my shoulders and now I feel a lot more free. I do sometimes yearn for someone to talk to other than my family, bf, or imaginary friends, but those feelings aren't enough to motivate me to start trying to make friends again. I don't want friends, at least for now.

 

[horrorofBeing]

I wouldn't endorse the following line of thinking, but my personal experience is that other people add a layer of confusion to life so I avoid them aside from those whom I have a duty to interact with. It's not that I never enjoy one-on-one conversations, but afterwards I tend to ruminate on things they said and it spirals from there. I find that, sadly, I can truly appreciate people (including their contributions to my own identity) only when I am not around them. That fact makes me sad, but I would rather be sad than feel secretly ridiculed by someone who has positioned themselves as an ally.

 

[Ariii]

Yep, I still have friends in a sense, but only situationally, which I find a lot better than when I was texting them everyday. I really only speak to them when I have to see them irl. I would never try to even text them outside of absolutely having too. It's a lot more peaceful nowdays.

 

[Rust]

I did go through a period of time where I completely dropped all friends in my life. Things were particularly fucked for me back then and talking to them was difficult, since they seemed to lead such stable lives by comparison. I didn't detest talking to them, but it was a bittersweet pain that left me in a bad state after the conversation.

Over the course of the six months where I was silent, my best friend would occasionally send a message to check up on me. I never replied though. Only at the end of those six months did I send an apology message which didn't justify how I just abandoned him and everyone else. He never judged me for it and still calls me his best friend to this day. That makes me realise what a scumbag I am for doing these kinds of things to such a good person.

The problem though is that I needed the time for myself. It's how I managed to get out of my shitty situation and how I got my current job. Being alone provided me with the stillness I needed to "fix" my life. And unfortunately my friends were in no position to help me.

I still sometimes have the desire to just abandon everything. Though these days it feels more like a self destructive tendency than some initiative to better my life.

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

Rick and Morty season 6 episode 10
10:57

It's what we all do and I hate it because I do it so often

 

[Wojaczek]

I did go through a period of time where I completely dropped all friends in my life. Things were particularly fucked for me back then and talking to them was difficult, since they seemed to lead such stable lives by comparison. I didn't detest talking to them, but it was a bittersweet pain that left me in a bad state after the conversation.

Over the course of the six months where I was silent, my best friend would occasionally send a message to check up on me. I never replied though. Only at the end of those six months did I send an apology message which didn't justify how I just abandoned him and everyone else. He never judged me for it and still calls me his best friend to this day. That makes me realise what a scumbag I am for doing these kinds of things to such a good person.

The problem though is that I needed the time for myself. It's how I managed to get out of my shitty situation and how I got my current job. Being alone provided me with the stillness I needed to "fix" my life. And unfortunately my friends were in no position to help me.

I still sometimes have the desire to just abandon everything. Though these days it feels more like a self destructive tendency than some initiative to better my life.

I was in the exact same situation a couple years ago, it also made me realize how much i didnt have in common with them.

Do you still hang out with them?

I stopped having friends and it was probably one of the best decisions I had ever made. My last set of friends were not toxic or anything but I found that having friends was stressful for me. I would find myself stressing out over whether or not they actually liked me, if were just friends with me out of pity, if they wanted to abandon me, if they grew to hate my presence, and so on. Cutting them out of my life lifted this weight off of my shoulders and now I feel a lot more free. I do sometimes yearn for someone to talk to other than my family, bf, or imaginary friends, but those feelings aren't enough to motivate me to start trying to make friends again. I don't want friends, at least for now.

It is truly freeing, and its not like your are constantly alone since you still have acquaintances at work or college, but after that i just want to be alone because i simply prefer it

 

[pauly369]

I have no friends to dislike, and its not a problem.

 

[noname223]

I have many close friends and I am very happy and thankful for that. Without them I would be Dead already. They support me fully and sometimes I have to rely on them. My life would be way way worse without them.

 

[Grav]

I don't dislike having friends, but a friend to me isn't a known acquaintance. If i call you my friend I'm there when you need me. chit chat people and even those who also hang out with my true friends are in s lower tier: I don't consider online only persons friends. Some don't hear stuff others do because we're not on that level. Some don't want to be, just around for good times. I go through periods of isolation but keeping in touch with friends even to just say life sucks gives a relief.

 

[사람이 없어]

If my friends don't align with my own goals/wants then it can be bad if not actively harmful, otherwise it's very useful to have friends and you can both help each other with feeling better.

 

[Rust]

I was in the exact same situation a couple years ago, it also made me realize how much i didnt have in common with them.

Do you still hang out with them?

I do, but when life gets tough, I tend to disappear. I did it again for a month recently. I'm not sure how long I'll continue to do this disappearing act and whether or not they'll get tired of it.

But for now, they just treat me with sympathy (I think because they know I'm suicidal), which makes it a bit easier for me when I need space.

 

[사람이 없어]

I do, but when life gets tough, I tend to disappear. I did it again for a month recently. I'm not sure how long I'll continue to do this disappearing act and whether or not they'll get tired of it.

But for now, they just treat me with sympathy (I think because they know I'm suicidal), which makes it a bit easier for me when I need space.

We have similar friends. I vanished myself until very recently for around 6 weeks. Surprisingly nobody hated me afterwards, and many were happy I were back again.
In the past I have lost friends over this, though.
One friend in particular which I lost many years ago still pains me to this day, but they pushed me away completely and didn't want to connect with me again, sadly.

 

[Polyxo]

I'm a bad friend. I believe with my whole heart that I love my only friend, but I unknowingly betrayed them and they told me they thought we shouldn't be friends. I recently had a conversation with them and they said they still wanted to be my friend despite what was said, but they hold such a big part of my life. I talked to them every day and we had the same interests. We could even share things about our lives to each other but my recent actions compromised that connection. It wouldn't be the same if we continued.

I told them I would be focusing on trying to better myself now, but would need some time alone in order to do so. I plan on fulfilling that promise, but I don't know if I can return to them again. The time apart will give them an opportunity to learn that they can live without me, easily.

I'm better off without friends because they're better off without me.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Being alone is okay, but I do miss the friends and family who abandoned me.

 

[Higurashi415]

I don't feel obliged to answer their calls, they don't feel obliged to answer mine.
I don't feel obliged to answer their messages right away, and they don't either.
It's freeing for both me and them, to have someone that isn't like "wtf where have you been the last week?" etc. etc.
From the moment I meet someone, I tell them right away that I won't necessarily answer in 24 hours, and that I rarely will. But also that I always read what they write, even if I don't answer. Oh, and I tell them that I'm a shut in who only goes out for university related stuff and to buy food as soon as it makes sense.

It's impossible for me to have friends in the traditional sense, so I don't.
It's a decent middle ground, in my opinion. It also allows me to have my depressive episodes without damaging my relationships too much, which is nice.

 

[LostinParadise]

Friends are very good, but they can constrict your mind.

I am finding my Christian friends who voted for Trump-evil very annoying now. Both the MAGA ones who can't seem to see reality and the buyer-remorse people.

And also the people sitting on the fence trying to play at no-values...come on!

Friends can also be restrictive creatively, especially if you have talent, people become competitive or critical rather than supportive.

It's easier to be home alone (if you have a safe comfortable home)

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Kind of. Recently these days it feels like all I do with my IRL friends is listen to them whine about their relationships, bitch about my own continuous lack of a relationship, complain about how things around our locale are changing for the worse, and weep over how none of us have a future.

As much as I do enjoy the company for my misery, I'm starting to get really bored of it now.